Something Good Can Work
by hanbefanficin
Summary: "Let's make this happen, girl. We're gonna show the world that something good can work. And, it can work for you." Tragedy strikes and Arizona Robbins has been left to juggle her career and raise a child alone. Enter Amelia Shepherd.
1. To Build a Home

_**To Build a Home**_

 _I built a home f_ _or you, f_ _or me._ _Until it disappeared f_ _rom me... f_ _rom you._

 **...**

 _Arizona_  
"You're doing amazing, sweetie. C'mon, one more push!" I encourage Callie in the final throes of labour. She's squeezing my hand so tightly that it's going to be bruised for weeks, but I don't care. In just a few moments, our baby is going to be here. I thought I'd freak out. You know, faint or throw up or something. But, I'm actually just beyond excited to meet our little miracle.

Right after the hospital shooting; that's when we decided we were going to have babies. When I realised I couldn't be without Calliope or our children. We spent a year of married bliss together before searching for sperm donors. Since she'd be carrying my egg, we decided to look for somebody with a similar background to Callie's; Mexican, college educated, kinda tall, Christian.

The IVF worked first time around. We were so lucky. When the pregnancy test came up positive, we danced around the house to ' _You Make My Dreams_ ' by Hall and Oates, ordered pizza and sat around searching through catalogues for nursery ideas. It was the simplest celebration, but will always be one of my happiest memories.

With one final push, Callie screams out in pain. When her body finally untenses, I look over to the tiny human in Karev's arms. She's so little, she can't be more than 6lbs.

"Congratulations, guys," he says, in typical Karev fashion. "It's a girl."

"Oh, Callie, she's perfect!" I sob with happiness. I kiss my wife's temple and stroke her cheek. "I'm so proud of you," I say, placing two quick kisses on her mouth. "I love you."

"I love you, too," she says, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"She's super tiny; 5lb 12oz," Karev says as he wraps our daughter up in blankets and hands her to me. "But, she's got some lungs on her!"

When she's in my arms, the crying subsides pretty quickly and she starts to make gurgling noises as I bounce her gently. I look down at our beautiful little girl and beam at her, happy tears rolling down my cheeks. I've never known love like this. I kiss her little button nose before handing her to Callie.

"Isn't she wonderful?" I say, helping Callie wrap her arms around her.

"I love her so much, already," Callie says, grinning at me. "Hey, Little Goose," she says, gently, giving her all of her attention.

I place my hand on Callie's arm and fawn over our baby with her. This is, without a doubt, my happiest day of all. I know that these moments of perfection will stay with me for the rest of my life.

"Arizona," Callie says, quietly, bringing me out of my thoughts. I manage to tear my eyes away from our daughter and look at Callie. All the colour has drained from her face. She can barely keep her eyes open. "Take the baby," she manages to breathe out. I scoop the newborn up in my arms and hold her close to my body. As I do, Callie's head drops to the side and she enters a deep slumber. My eyes widen. I'm frightened. What's happening to her?

"Alex," I choke out, trying to get his attention. My happy tears have turned to anxious ones. I stare at Callie, willing her to wake up. Then, I look at the lower end of the bed. There's blood. So much blood. More than usual for a birth. There's a lot of movement around me but I can't really focus on what's going on. I feel a pair of arms surround my daughter and I. I don't know who they belong to, but they're ushering me out of the room as Alex rushes to help Callie.

...

Various people have tried to prepare me for the worst. It's likely that Callie won't wake up again. She doesn't have a lot of time. Even with a blood transfusion. That's what they've told me. But, I know she's strong. She can fight this. Please fight this, Calliope. We need you.

"We didn't decide on her name," I say, taking her hand. I'm sitting next to her hospital bed with the baby in one of my arms. "I need to know her name, Calliope," I say, desperately. "Please wake up... Please don't leave me," I beg through the tears.

"S-S-Sof..." That's her voice. She's awake! There's a glimmer of hope in my chest.

"Callie?" I say, hopefully, squeezing her hand.

"Her name... Her name is Sofia," she manages to get out.

I smile at Callie, letting a short, relieved laugh escape, then I look back to the baby. "She really looks like a Sofia."

"I-" It's hard for her to speak. I look back to my wife with concern. "I love you both so much," she whispers, before closing her eyes once more.

"Callie," I stand up and shake her with my free hand, but she won't wake up. "CALLIE!" I scream, but there's still no response. "CALLIE, WAKE UP!"

But, she can't wake up. She's slipped away.

My entire body goes numb. Somehow, I manage to keep hold of Sofia. Mark appears as if from nowhere and catches me as I drop to my knees. He lets me sob, holding us both securely.

...

 _Alex_  
Arizona looks like a shell of her former self. She watches the baby have her final checks through the glass divider. I don't say anything, I just stand next to her and watch the baby, too. Arizona's not really here. Her head is somewhere else.

"What the hell happened?" She says in a way that makes me unsure of whether she's talking to me or herself. She seems completely spaced out. "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?" She screams, turning to face me. She's not angry with me. She's not angry with anyone. She's heartbroken. This is grief in its purest form.

"We don't know," I say, defeated. "She just..." I search for the right words, but they don't come. "The blood wouldn't stop," I say, living the whole experience in my head again. "We did everything we could," I say, honestly. "I'm so sorry, Arizona."

"I know," she says, her voice breaking. "I know you did..." She's trying to catch her breath, but is failing miserably. She looks back at the baby and then back to me. "Alex, I can't do this by myself," she says, finally breaking down.

"Hey, you don't have to," I say, pulling her into a brotherly hug. "You've got me, you've got Mer, you've got Mark, you've got just about everyone in this damn hospital," I say, adamantly. "You're not alone in this. Do you hear me?"

 _Arizona_  
I sob into Alex's shirt. I can't comprehend what's just happened. It was supposed to be simple enough; the baby is born, we go home, we build our life together. We had everything planned perfectly. Even Sofia did! She came exactly when she was supposed to. Only five per cent of babies are actually born on their due date, and she was one of them. I don't understand how things went so wrong.

I have gained and lost the loves of my life all in one day.

I am a widow. I am a single mom.

How did this happen?


	2. Keeping Your Head Up

**Keeping Your Head Up**  
 _Hold tight, you're slowly coming back to life. I'll be keeping your head up._  
 **…**

 **Three Years Later...**

 _Amelia_  
I'm not sure if choosing to abandon my life in Los Angeles to start working in the same hospital as my brother was the wisest move I've ever made, yet here I am. I study the sign, carefully: Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. The name makes my stomach turn. That damn plane crash.

I shake memories of Derek's best friend and Meredith's sister from my head and take a deep breath, entering the building quickly. Right, first things first, I need to find Miranda Bailey. I head towards the elevator, hoping I've remembered the route to the Chief's office from the last time I was here. I get into the elevator and the doors are almost closed when a slender hand stops them. The doors open to reveal a frantic blonde woman with a small child sitting on her hip. My heart leaps into my mouth. She is beautiful.

"Hey... Sorry, we're running a little late!" She apologises for stopping the lift. I smile back at her and I can't seem to bring my eyes away from hers. Those eyes speak volumes; there's stories in them. She looks exhausted yet radiant. There's something intriguing about this doctor. "So... You're new," she says, speedily, standing next to me.

"I am new," I confirm with a smile, holding my hand out to shake hers. "Amelia Shepherd."

"Shepherd?" She asks, taking my hand. So soft, so gentle. Suddenly, I feel self-conscious of my own calloused palms.

"Yes, _that_ Shepherd," I say, rolling my eyes. I'm definitely going to be known as 'Derek's little sister' around this place. "Sister," I state, plainly. I'm doing quite a good job of remaining calm and collected.

"Oh, right, of course!" She says, as though she's just remembered something. "You're here to takeover from Derek whilst he's in DC," she says, more to herself than me. "Nice to meet you," she says, smiling widely, revealing the most endearing dimples. "I'm Arizona."

"Arizona Robbins?" I ask. Wow. She's not what I was expecting. She's perky and sweet and speaks at super-human speed. The elevator dings and we both get off at the same floor.

"Uh... yeah," she replies, uneasily. She already knows how I know her; she's one of the Seattle Grace Five; she was on that plane with my brother. "This is Sofia," she introduces me to the little person she's carrying.

"Hi, Sofia," I say, gently. Sofia nestles her head into her mother's shoulder but smiles at me. "Cute, she has your dimples," I say, without really thinking. Robbins starts to blush and it makes me smirk, internally. This woman is adorable.

"Um... Do you need help getting somewhere?" She asks, helpfully, trying to change the subject.

"Miranda Bailey's office," I say. "I know it's on this floor, but I'm a little lost," I say with a sheepish smile. That's a lie. I haven't even tried to figure out where I'm going, but I'm looking for any opportunity to talk to Arizona a bit longer.

"I can take you there," she offers, sweetly, before opening the door to the daycare and handing her little one over to one of the staff members. "Hey, Jill," she greets her with a smile. "I think she could do with a nap soon, she didn't sleep too well last night."

"No problem, we'll see you later."

"See you soon, Little Goose," she says to Sofia, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. I can't help but smile at the exchange. It's very sweet. She exits the daycare, and smiles back at me. "Bailey's office is down this way," she says, leading me down the corridor. "So, you went to Hopkins?" She says, slipping us both into casual conversation.

…

 _Arizona_  
As Amelia finishes telling me about her work with Addison at Seaside Wellness Center in Los Angeles, we reach Bailey's office. It's too soon. I could talk to her for hours; she's so interesting. And, kinda pretty. Beautiful, actually. Am I staring? Oh, my God, stop staring. These are not the kind of thoughts you should be having. I turn to Bailey's office door and knock quickly.

"Hello?" Uh oh. That's a sassy 'hello'. What's got her riled up? I open the door to reveal the chief surrounded by paperwork.

"Chief," I greet her.

"Nice of you to show up, Robbins," she says, not taking her eyes off her work.

"I'm sorry, Sophia had a rough night," I say, honestly. She looks up at me, peering behind her glasses.

"You're excused, you look exhausted," she says, bluntly.

"Is that a nice way of telling me I look like crap?" I smirk.

"No, Robbins. If you looked like crap, I'd say, 'You look like crap'." She says, matter-of-factly.

"Ah... noted," I say, with a nod of the head.

"Dr Shepherd!" She says, suddenly noticing the woman next to me. "Great to have you with us." Wow, that was a quick mood swing. "Let me show you around," she says, excitedly, leading the woman into the main body of the hospital. I stand still, mouth gaping open slightly in complete disbelief. As she walks away, Amelia turns her head towards me and mouths a 'thank you' accompanied by a wink. I give her a gentle smile in return as I feel my cheeks start to flush. She holds my gaze for a moment before she starts speaking to Bailey. I wonder how long she'll stay...

"Morning!" The suddenness of that chirpy voice makes me jump out of my skin.

"Jesus, Kepner!" I say, alarmed. "You can't sneak up on people like that!"

"Sheesh, what's gotten into you?" She asks, with raised eyebrows. "I'm supposed to be the one with all the hormones."

"Nothing," I say, clearing my mind of anything Shepherd-related. "Sorry," I say, genuinely. I loop my arm for her to take as we walk down the corridor. "How are you feeling?"

"Super gross," she says, as she holds onto me. "My morning sickness has turned into morning, noon and night sickness."

"Drink lots of peppermint tea and eat chicken," I advise. "Or avocado. Whenever Callie got sick with Sofia, she would eat avocado by the pound."

"Ugh, just the thought of avocado is making me want to hurl," she says, holding her stomach.

"When's your next scan?" I ask.

"Today," she says, excitedly. "I can't wait to see him again!"

...

 _Amelia_  
"Are you settling in okay?" Meredith asks me as I flip through notes on Derek's current patients. Bailey left about a half hour ago so I could wrap my head around all the paperwork.

"Yeah, fine," I smile back at her. "This place is great," I say, referring to the technology and the innovative research. "I can't wait to get in that OR, though."

"Sure," Meredith empathises. Then it's quiet for a few moments as she starts to sift through her own paperwork.

"Hey, so... what's the deal with Arizona Robbins?" Curiosity has finally got the better of me.

"Deal?" She asks, with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah... what's she like?" I ask, retaining some self-control. What I actually want to ask is, 'Is she single?', 'Is she into chicks?', 'Will she date me?'

"Oh, a total trainwreck," Meredith says with a gentle smile. It's not malicious. On the contrary, she says it with a fondness in her voice. "But, that's not her fault. It's just her circumstances. She's actually very sweet and she's an amazing surgeon," Meredith finishes, not giving too much away. "Why do you ask?"

"She helped me around the hospital this morning," I say, calmly. "And, I was just... wondering about her."

"Pure thoughts?" Meredith asks me with raised eyebrows. I haven't even discussed my bisexuality with her, but she's very intuitive. I smirk at her in return and bring my attention back to my notes without saying a word.

...


	3. Holocene

**Holocene**

 _At once I knew I was not magnificent._

...

 _Arizona_  
What a morning! It's only 1:30 and I'm exhausted already. Herman has been working me hard. I'm sitting alone in the canteen, shifting some questionable looking lasagne around with my fork. She's practically shooed me away from the O&G ward so I can get something to eat and regain some energy.

Three hours. Three hours of sleep Sofia allowed me last night. She can't help it, of course. My poor baby has been having night terrors the past two nights. I know it's not a big deal, but seeing my child terrified of going to sleep is horrible.

"Hey," says a recognisable voice. I look up to see a smiling Amelia Shepherd. "Do you mind if I join you?"

"Sure," I say, returning the smile. "I mean, 'sure, you can join me' not 'sure, I mind!" I ramble. Urgh, why did she have to meet me today? I sound like an idiot and look like total crap. I'm not exactly making a great impression. Oh, stop it, Arizona! It really doesn't matter what kind of impression you're making.

"Not really into Italian food, huh?" She says, motioning to my mangled and uneaten food as she sits opposite me.

"Well, I'd be way more enthusiastic if they served pizza," I say, frankly. She laughs in return... Probably a pity laugh.

"We still on for tonight?" Meredith cuts in, taking the seat next to me.

"Um... hi," I say, taken aback. "And, remind me, what's tonight?"

"Sofia... Sleepover with Zola... Ringing any bells?" Oh, crap. That rings all the bells. But, it had slipped my mind entirely. I seriously need to get a decent night's sleep soon.

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry," I apologise, profusely. "I completely forgot! She's actually had pretty bad nightmares the past couple of nights. It might be best she stayed home."

"We can deal with nightmares," Meredith says, shutting down my excuses. "Or, you can come, too. We have the spare room."

"I don't know..."

"Oh, come on! We'll turn it into a girls' night... won't we," she shoots a look at Amelia, who looks between Meredith and I, and nods her head, awkwardly. "I'll kick Derek out for the night."

"How long before he goes to DC?" I ask, curiously. I know it's not long before he departs. He's taken a few days off to be with the children. I'm kind of surprised Meredith isn't doing the same.

"One week," she says, rolling her eyes. "But, I could do with a break from all his talking about it." She turns back to Amelia. "Don't tell him that!" She warns before looking at me again. "Go on... Zola's been so excited to see her," she says, convincingly. I sigh out. She knows I can't disappoint a child.

"Okay," I say, reluctantly. "Do you need me to bring anything to "Girls' Night"?" I ask with air quotes. Amelia smirks at me. She doesn't strike me as the kind of person who's into these nights either.

"Just yourself," Meredith states. "And wine."

"Dr Robbins," a third person arrives, demanding my attention. I look up to see a nervous Stephanie Edwards standing behind Amelia. "I need your help with something," she says, quickly.

"Is it urgent?" I ask her with tired eyes.

"I think you're going to want to see this," she motions to the papers she's clutching in her hand. I push my lasagne in front of Meredith.

"Here, I haven't touched it," I say, before she digs in. "See you later." When we're out of earshot, Edwards talks.

"This is April Kepner's baby," she says, voice barely above a whisper.

I look at the scans carefully and my heart sinks. Small head and tiny femurs that look as though they haven't grown at all.

"Is there any movement?" I ask Edwards. She shakes her head, sadly.

I stop dead in my tracks, gritting my teeth and closing my eyes tightly for a moment. All the signs of osteogenesis imperfecta.

"We need to find Herman," I sigh out.

...

Herman has confirmed. Against all the odds, it looks like it's osteogenesis imperfecta. I'm watching April now. She's holding her belly and talking to one of the receptionists behind their desk. From the gestures she's making, she's undoubtedly giving her some birthing advice. My best friend looks so happy and it breaks my heart that I have to wreck her joy. I push any of my own feelings about the baby to one side as I make my way over to her. I need to be strong for her.

"April, can you come with me a minute?"

"Uh... sure," she says, surprised by my bluntness. "What's going on?" She asks, quietly, as we march away from the desk.

"I... I just need you to come with me," I say as we approach my office. I usher her inside and I'm relieved to find that Jackson is already here after I paged him a few minutes ago.

"What's going on?" He asks, mirroring April's words.

"I think you should sit down," I say, motioning to the couch. But, neither of them move. "Sit," I insist. They do as they're told and I sit in the chair opposite them. I lean forwards and clasp my hands together, looking between them. How the hell am I going to do this?

"Arizona," April grabs my attention. She knows something's up. "Is it the baby?"

"I... I saw the scans," I blurt out. "We think the baby might be sick..."

"What kind of 'sick'?" Jackson asks, his eyes looking to his wife, worryingly. April looks terribly fragile.

"We think it's osteogenesis imperfecta," I tell it to them straight. They need to know. They need to be prepared. "We need to do further tests, but... it looks like it could be Type II."

Then it's quiet. Really quiet.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper, trying my best to keep tears out of my eyes. Then April breaks. She knows what this means. The baby could already be in pain. His bones could already be breaking. Jackson blinks away his own tears and his arms surround her.

My head reminds me I can't do anything. But, my heart is screaming 'do something'. I try and tell my heart that it's reluctant. There is no hope. Even with all my experience in pediatric surgery, I know I can do nothing. Even my venture into fetal surgery can't help.

...

 _Amelia_  
"So, why so adamant on "Girl's Night"?" I ask Meredith.

"Did you not see how tired Arizona was?" Meredith asks, rhetorically. "She needs a night off." I must admit, I'm looking forward to spending the night with Arizona... Oh, not like that. Mind, out of gutter, now!

"Right, I think I'm all caught up," I say, putting the paperwork back into the filing cabinet. "I'm gonna go scope out the supply rooms."

"See you back at home," Meredith says, finishing up herself.

I walk down the hallways and feel comfortable already. The layout was easy enough to get used to and the people are friendly. As I walk through the door to check out supplies, I realise someone's already in here. It's Arizona.

"Hey," I say, my face lighting up.

"Hi," she says, quietly, but keeps her back turned to me. She gathers some bandages and IV bags. I hear her sniff. Is she crying? I see her bring up one hand to fiercely wipe her face before she turns around to face me.

"Are you alright?" I ask, concerned. She nods her head but can't speak. She gives me a weak smile before exiting the room. What has made this beautiful woman so sad?

...


	4. Cigarettes and Coffee

**Cigarettes and Coffee**  
 _It seems so natural, darling, that you and I are here just talking over cigarettes and drinking coffee._  
...

 _Arizona_  
"Hey, we're here!" I shout, walking through the door like I have done hundreds of times before with Sofia next to me. "I brought wine!" That seems to be all it takes to make Meredith appear. She takes the bottle and Sofia's bag off me.

"Where's all your stuff?" She asks.

"Right... I remembered all her stuff, but forgot my own!" I say, with a grimace. Meredith laughs at my hopelessness.

"You can borrow some of my pyjamas," she says, kindly. "You're not in work tomorrow, right?" I shake my head. "Great!" She bends down to be at eye-level with my daughter. "Hey, Sofia. Wanna go see ZoZo?" She asks, making my daughter giggle with happiness. "Amelia's just putting Bailey to bed," she explains. "The girls can go up in a couple of hours, too. Then it's wine time!" She says, with a mock look of desperation. I laugh in empathy. It's tricky managing surgery and children.

As we enter the living room, Zola and Sofia hug each other, excitedly. Meredith and I smile at their exchange and watch them chatter speedily.

"She's missed Zola," I say as they start playing with the many toys scattered across the floor.

"We'll do this more often," Meredith reassures me. Suddenly, Sofia and Zola start chasing each other around the living room, laughing and screaming sweetly but very loudly. "Or, maybe not," she jokes.

...

 _Amelia_  
I kiss my sleeping nephew on the forehead and walk into my room, picking up the flowers I'd got earlier for Arizona. I make my way downstairs and suddenly feel nervous... Pull yourself together, Amelia. It's not like you're asking her on a date. They're just a token of appreciation. I walk into the living room to find Meredith and Arizona on the couch, talking comfortably whilst the girls play sweetly together.

"Hey," I say, bringing them both to look at me. "I got home and realised I didn't thank you for showing me around today," I say to Arizona, handing her a small bunch of pink and white tulips. I'm not looking at her, but I can practically feel Meredith's smirk from here.

"Amelia, you didn't have to do that," she says, showing me those adorable dimples again. "They're beautiful. Thank you."

"No, no, thank you," I say with a smile. She blushes as she stands.

"I'll find a vase for these," she says, heading towards the kitchen. I turn to look at Meredith whose eyebrows have shot to her hairline.

"What?" I ask, narrowing my eyes at my sister-in-law.

"Never gonna happen," she says, confidently.

"Hey, I'm just being nice!" I insist. Meredith just continues to smirk. She's so smug, it's really annoying! "But, say I did just so happen to find her attractive..." I begin, taking a seat on the couch. "And, say I got to know her better, and did want to... pursue her... romantically... What makes you think it'd never happen? People talk, ya know. I know she's into women."

"It's not just you, Amelia. It's anybody," she states, plainly. "She hasn't so much as looked at another woman since Callie died."

"Her girlfriend died?" I ask, shocked, keeping my voice quiet so the children can't hear us.

"Her wife," Meredith corrects me. Woah. Arizona's a widow?

...

 _Arizona_  
The children are all settled in bed and "Girls' Night" has officially begun. I've only had two glasses of wine but it's enough to make me feel tipsy. I rarely drink any more. Meredith, however, has already polished off a bottle and is at the super-happy stage of drunk. Amelia hasn't touched a drop, but she seems to be enjoying herself regardless.

The evening has been filled with face masks and fuzzy robes and wine and laughter. As much as I like to mock these kind of nights, I've actually had the best time. Especially getting to know Amelia. She's so fun and has the best stories. We've also done a lot of reminiscing about Hopkins. Our paths never crossed, but she completed her residency there the year I graduated.

Now, we're sitting on the couch watching some chick flick that I'm not really paying attention to.

"Do you guys think I should get a dog?" Meredith asks out of the blue. Amelia and I look at each other and smile. She is so drunk. "Now Derek's going, I feel like I should get a dog."

"Um... Do you want a dog?" Amelia asks, bemused. Meredith shrugs.

"I don't know... dogs are nice," she contemplates. "But, they're so needy. I already have lots of needy things... like patients and children."

"You could try a cat... They're not needy," I suggest.

"Hey, you're the lesbian. You get a cat!" All three of us burst into laughter at Meredith mocking the stereotype. "You should get one too, Amelia," she says before taking another sip of wine. What did she just say? Is Amelia gay? Amelia throws a cushion across the couch which hits her square in the face.

...

 _Amelia_  
It's 3:45am. I've only been in bed for about an hour and already I feel antsy. It's no good me just laying here, I'll never get to sleep. Maybe I should just have a cigarette. It's the least harmful of my vices. I open my underwear drawer and dig around for the box of Marlboros I'd buried in there last night. Walking downstairs, I notice a dim glow coming from the living room. As I enter the room, I see Arizona sitting on the couch with a sleepy Sofia nestled into her shoulder. She's her rocking gently side-to-side. When she spots me, she look at me apologetically.

"Sorry, did she wake you?" She whispers.

"No, I was up anyway," I whisper back, smiling. "I didn't even hear her get up," I sit on the couch next to her. I look to the tired child in her arms and decide she's too tired to tune in to our conversation. I look back to Arizona. "Earlier in work... you seemed a little upset. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, fine, I just..." she sighs out. "I had to give a friend some bad news."

"Well... if there's anything I can do to help..."

"Thank you," she says, genuinely grateful. She continues to rock her child, making sure that she's back asleep.

"Anyway, I'm gonna..." I motion to my cigarettes and point my thumb in the direction of the doors that lead into Meredith's backyard.

"Do you mind if I bum one of those?" She asks.

"Sure," I say, without a second thought.

"I'm just going to put Sofia back in bed. Hopefully, she's down for the night now." She makes her way silently up the stairs as I walk outside.

It's a clear night. The air is crisp and gives my exposed skin goosebumps. I light up my cigarette and take a seat on the patio furniture. About a minute later, I hear the door behind me open and close. Arizona sits next to me, quite close. I feel a shiver run through her body.

"It's cold tonight," she says, huddling closer to me. I repress the urge to wrap an arm around her and hand her a cigarette and my lighter.

We talk casually about the weather and the warm nights in California. She tells me about the beach bonfires she used to go to in summer and I tell her about my late-night drives down Sunset Boulevard. Conversation with Arizona is easy. It's as though I've known her for years, not just a day. Soon enough, we stub out our cigarettes and put them into Meredith's trash can before going back into the house.

"Thanks. I don't usually smoke... It's just been a shitty day," she says, as we head towards the stairs. "I had a great night though."

"Yeah, it was actually kinda fun, wasn't it?" I say, surprised at myself. If tonight's anything to go by, I think Arizona could make any evening fun.

"It really was," she says with a gentle smile.

"We should do it again," I suggest, testing the waters. We stand in the hallway between our rooms. I just want to drag her into mine and have my way with her. But, I control myself.

"We really should," she says, enthusiastically. "I haven't laughed that much in a long time."

"Women as wonderful as you should always be smiling," I say, genuinely. I step closer and kiss her cheek. When I pull back, she stares at me like a deer caught in the headlights. I've definitely surprised her. It was a bold move, but not one I regret. "Goodnight, Arizona," I say with my best smile, before walking back to my room.

"Goodnight," she whispers.


	5. Little Talks

**Little Talks**  
 _There's an old voice in my head that's holding me back._  
...

 _Arizona_  
Running water from the shower head hits my face and washes away the haziness of last night. I turn around so the water drenches my hair and begin to massage sweet-smelling shampoo into my scalp. Suddenly, I hear the bathroom door open and I freeze. I can't see who it is because the glass doors are completely steamed up.

"Um... someone's in here!" I call out. But, my warning doesn't seem to stop this person. One of the glass doors opens and a naked person stands in front of me. My eyes dart to the ceiling when I realise who it is. "Amelia, what are you doing?!" I ask in a panic, using my arms to cover my breasts.

"Joining you," she says with a seductive smile, stepping close to me.

She confidently takes my face in her hands and kisses me slowly. My entire body relaxes. My arms drop and I rest my hands on her chest. As the kisses continue, they become quicker. Her arms snake around my waist and she pulls me into her body. The groan that escapes her throat shoots through me. As soon as she starts to kiss down my neck, I tangle my hands in her hair. My desire is growing immensely. I can't wait for her to fuck me.

I sit bolt upright in bed, trying to calm my erratic breathing. It was a dream! Just a dream! I rub my hands over my face and look about the room bewildered. When I realise I'm alone, I plonk myself back down into the pillows. I let one of my hands wander south, feeling my vulva. "Fuck," I mouth to myself. My fingers are completely drenched. That was a pretty powerful dream. Suddenly, I feel a pang of guilt in my chest. It makes me catch my breath. I shouldn't be thinking about anyone like this. I reach up to feel the wedding ring that permanently hangs around my neck. I play with it for a few seconds, trying to get any thoughts of that dream out of my head. I'm sorry, Callie. My eyes move to the clock that dangles on the side wall. 11:57... 11:57?! Shit!

I immediately swing my body out of bed and reach for my prosthetic leg. I fit it quickly before scrambling for the clothes I was wearing yesterday. Meredith's pyjamas smell a bit smoky. Looks like I'll have to do a little laundry before I go.

Hurriedly, I make my way downstairs and into the kitchen, only to find Amelia and the children sat around the table, tucking into a yummy-looking pasta dish, completely calm.

"Good morning," she says, breezily. "Meredith got called into work, so we've had games outside and stories... and lunch!"

"God, I'm so sorry," I apologise. "I don't think I've ever slept in until 12!" I make my way over to my smiling daughter. "Hi, Little Goose," I say, kissing her head.

"It's fine," Amelia says, sincerely. "We've had fun, haven't we?" She asks the children, who all nod happily with mouths full of food. "You must have needed that sleep," she says, handing me my own bowl of pasta.

"Yeah, actually," I say with a smile, sitting opposite her at the table. "I feel great."

"You look great," she says, nonchalantly. Then, I feel warm again. I'm sure she's doing this on purpose; making me blush just because she can. I stare into my bowl to avoid any eye contact.

"Thanks for this," I say, motioning to lunch, hoping for a quick change of subject. "You seem like you've got everything under control. Maybe we should leave you with the children more often," I joke.

"You should have seen me a few weeks ago," she begins. "I had a total meltdown after one day of having the kids."

"You're a quick learner then," I say, trying to instil some confidence in her. It's her turn to blush. That's kinda cute.

"Mommy," my daughter's voice bring me out of my thoughts.

"Yes, honey?" I respond.

"Want to go boats," she says, decidedly. I roll my eyes. This is her newest obsession.

"Boats?" Amelia asks, amused.

"She wants to go to the harbour... for the one hundredth time this week," I explain. "She likes watching the boats come in."

"Boats!" Zola says, loudly. Oh, no. They're going to gang up on us.

"Boats! Boats! Boats!" Both girls start to laugh and chant. Bailey laughs and smacks his hands on his highchair. I'm sure he'd be joining in if he could talk properly. I look at Amelia with a pained expression to see what she thinks. She smirks back at me and nods her head.

"Okay, okay!" I give in, holding my hands up. "Boats," I confirm.

"Yayyy!" Why do I feel like this is going to be a long day?

...

 _Amelia_  
A gentle breeze blows through Arizona's soft locks as we stare out into the harbour. A light smile rests on her face. We're sitting on one of the piers, letting our feet dangle. We have a child each sitting on our knees; Zola with me and Sofia with Arizona. Bailey is happy in his buggy next to me, pointing at all the water taxis. They seem to be his favourites.

"I actually understand why she likes this," I say to the other woman. "It's kinda fun."

"Not when you do it as often as I do," she says, unconvincingly. That wide smile tells me she's actually pretty happy. Those perfect dimples are going to be the death of me.

"So, what do you like to do when you're not watching boats or saving babies?" I ask. I still don't know a huge amount about Arizona, and I want that to change.

"Oh... I'm kind of boring," she says, wrinkling her nose. "With my job and this little one, I don't really have time for much else," she explains, shrugging her shoulders. "I used to skate before..." she trails off, motioning to her leg. "Now, if I get a spare hour, I just like to unwind. Put some Fleetwood Mac on and read a book in the bath. Y'know, that kind of thing," she smiles at me. The thought of Arizona in the bath is captivating.

"Fleetwood Mac, huh?" One of my favourite bands. The girl's got good taste. " _Rumours_?"

"Yeah, that's the best album," she confirms. "I like their newer stuff as well, though. _Gypsy, Thrown Down_..." Okay, so far so good. That's one thing we have in common; music. "What about you, anyway? Got any hobbies?" She asks. I think for a moment. I can't really say 'anything to take my mind off drugs' in front of the kids. Plus, I don't want to scare her off. I've been sober for over a year now, so it's not like it's an immediate issue.

"Well, I guess I'm getting pretty good at babysitting," I joke, uncomfortably. She smiles at me, as though she's sensed some apprehension and wants to comfort me. "And, I'm a sucker for crappy old movies," I say, giving her a little nugget of information about me.

"Me, too," Arizona says, enthusiastically. "We should definitely make Meredith watch _Singin' in the Rain_ at our next 'Girl's Night'."

"Oh, definitely. I used to have such a crush on young Gene Kelly," I confess.

"Really?" She asks with a raised eyebrow.

"What?! I like a man who can dance!" I defend myself.

...

 _Arizona_  
"I had a great time today," Amelia says. We're standing by my car which is still parked in Meredith's driveway. I've just finished buckling Sofia in and we're saying our goodbyes before I return home.

"We had a great time, too," I say, genuinely. "Thanks for coming with us."

"Would you like to go to dinner with me this week?" She asks, oozing confidence. The question catches me off guard. I feel my eyes widen in surprise.

"Oh, I... um... I..." I trip over my words, unsure of what to say at this point. "Uh... I-I can't," I manage to spit out. "I'm sorry," I finally finish, giving her a sheepish smile.

"Okay," she says, unfazed, as she reaches into her purse and pulls a pen. She takes one of my hands in hers and I feel a spark run through my entire arm. "This is my number," she says, printing the digits on the back of my hand. "In case you change your mind," she explains, smiling at me. I swallow hard as I look from my hand to her face. Her wonderful eyes look into mine intensely and I almost tell her right there and then that I've changed my mind. But, it's back. That pang of guilt in my chest. The one that tells me I'm betraying my wife.

...

I'm at home now, sitting on the couch, staring at the back of my hand. Staring at the number of a beautiful, fun and sweet woman who I think likes me. This should be a no-brainer; put the number in your phone and text her to accept the date invite. But, every time I go to log it into my phonebook, I hear her. I hear Callie's voice telling me she loves me. I see her holding our baby in the first few minutes of her life. I smell her sweet perfume. I can almost feel her here with me.

I throw my head back and stare at the ceiling, feeling completely conflicted. What do I do?


	6. War Sweater

**War Sweater  
** _I'm in the mood where I come all untied. I'm in the mood to say shit that'll change people's lives._

 _..._

 _Amelia_  
She didn't call or text, but I've seen Arizona pretty much every day in work since I gave her my number. We seem to be working the same schedule. We often have lunch together - sometimes in a group, sometimes just the two of us. Conversation always flows naturally. And, it's not that boring small-talk crap either. She always has an interesting story for me, and I try to reciprocate with my own anecdotes. I try and get my flirt on as much as possible. Sometimes she even flirts back with me, but it soon comes to a stop when she catches herself.

When I walk into the canteen today, she's at a table alone. She looks super pretty. She always looks super pretty. When she notices me, she swallows her mouthful of tuna salad and smiles at me.

"How was your morning?" She asks before taking another bite of her lunch.

"Full of consults," I sigh out. "I can't wait until next week when I'm actually doing some surgeries. What about yours?"

"Erm... yeah, fine," she says, a little distracted. "Actually... I need your help with something," she starts. "But, what I'm about to ask... It kind of breaks some confidentiality laws." I'm intrigued already.

"Okay, you've got my attention," I say, putting my fork down. She scans the room quickly before looking back to me.

"I need you to look at a tumor for me," she says, quietly. "Apparently it's inoperable, but... I just... I need someone to give my patient another opinion."

"Is it a kid?" I ask, presumptuously.

"No," she says, shaking her head. "It's... it's Herman," she whispers and begins to chew her bottom lip, nervously.

...

Scans of every angle of Nicole Herman's tumor line the display screens in the locked room Arizona and I are inside. We're staring at a massive grade four astrocytoma.

"It's bad, right?" She asks.

"It's spectacular!" I say, impressed by the size and symmetry of it. I've never seen anything like this before. "A big, bad mother of an astrocytoma. See how it ignores anatomical borders? It's like a perfect butterfly." It's fascinating. It's exciting. I wonder if I could be the one to remove it... "Look, it starts at the subfrontal and extends practically into the hypothalamus. That is a thing of beauty!" I say, enthusiastically. I rest my chin on my hand and turn to look at the other thing of beauty in the room. Arizona looks so worried. My eyes dart to her lips and I contemplate kissing the worry away, but now is not the time. "Is she showing symptoms?" I ask, more sensitively.

"No, no, but she's..." she says, before quickly changing her mind. "Well, wait, what kind of symptoms would they be?"

"Oh, God... with this it could be almost anything... dizziness, headaches, uh... vision loss, inappropriate sexual behaviour, impulse control stuff, fatique-"

"Fatique?" She interrupts. "Uh... she texted me earlier to say that she needed to lie down for a while."

"Arizona, who else knows about this?" I ask. Her eyes shift uncomfortably. "People know about this, right?"

"Yeah... everybody who needs to know knows." She says, unconvincingly. "But, she'd prefer discretion, y'know? If you could just keep it to yourself?"

"Of course! I'm a locked box," I say with a reassuring smile.

"Do you think... Do you think something can be done?" She looks to me with desperate eyes. "Can you get rid of it?"

"I don't know," I reply, honestly. Her eyes dart to the floor and she swallows. I grab her hand to bring her attention back to me. "But, I'm going to try my best."

…

 _Arizona_  
"You showed my tumor to other doctors without my consent?" Herman shouts at me. Oh, God. She's going to have me arrested. I'm going to prison.

"I needed to understand-" I start but she cuts me off.

"You have no right. You stole them!" She's so pissed.

"I had to!" I shout back, starting to get angry myself. Why can't she see that I'm trying to help her? I can't lose her. I can't lose my mentor.

"Do you know how many laws you're breaking right now?!"

 _Amelia_  
Herman needs to stop shouting at Arizona right now. Every bone in my body is screaming out, telling me to jump to Arizona's defence.

"You weren't telling me anything!" Arizona shouts. She's visibly upset. She just wants to help.

"I can remove the tumor," I say before Herman can reply. Both women turn their heads to look at me, sceptically. "I don't know who you've been seeing for this. I'm sure they're great. I'm sure they are the best in their field... but I can only tell you they lack imagination." Her face remains stoic, but I continue anyway. "Your tumor is smart. It's brilliant. But, so am I. I can beat it." I say, completely self-assured. "I _will_ beat it," I say, sharing a gentle smile with Arizona. Her eyes sparkle back at me. But, Herman does not look impressed.

"I have a surgery," she says, storming out of the room. Arizona looks at me apologetically and follows her out of the room.

...

 _Arizona_  
I'm putting my scrub cap on, preparing for our next surgery, when Nicole speaks to me next.

"I left you alone for a few minutes... Am I going to find my wallet in your pocket?" She asks, sarcastically. I can't deal with this right now.

"I'm sorry that I went behind your back," I say, quietly. I don't really mean it, of course. I'm glad I showed Amelia. She's bright and innovative. If anyone can help Nicole, it's her.

"You're understating it... You betrayed me." The words hurt. It didn't feel like betrayal. It felt like I was trying to save her life. "I thought I could trust you."

"Shepherd is fully convinced that she can do a complete resection," I say, trying to defend my actions. "She's convinced that-"

"Shepherd is in a party of one," she says, cutting me off.

"If there's even a slightest bit of hope... Don't you want to know that?" I open my mouth to try and convince her further, but she doesn't allow it.

"Robbins, can you name the single worst, most malignant symptom of terminal cancer?" She asks, rhetorically. "It's hope. It's recurrent, and it keeps creeping back in no matter how many times it gets ripped apart." My face softens as realisation hits me. She must have had so many promises from so many doctors already. "Mayo gave me hope in a phase three clinical trial. It failed. NYU hoped that radiosurgery would work. It didn't. And Barrow had 'high, high hopes' for a potent combination of chemo and ablation. No go." She goes through the list and my heart sinks with every story. "And, every time the hope goes, it takes chunks of you with it." She says, sadly. Tears prick my own eyes. "You can only find comfort in the one thing that you know you can count on... That this thing is gonna kill you." I don't really know what to say to her. I can tell she's broken, but she's being so strong. "So, you tell Shepherd to keep her hope to herself. Better yet, tell her where to stick it."

...

"We really want to avoid putting in another fork," Herman says as we operate.

"Each incision increases the chances of rupturing the membrane," I say, confidently.

"Exactly," she confirms, with a little pride in her voice. She's teaching me well.

"Hey, Robbins..." Jackson's voice causes me to turn my head. "I'm sorry to interrupt. I wanted to ask if I could meet with you and talk. You and me and April." His voice is soft and fragile.

"Her hands are a little full right now, doctor," Herman snaps. I ignore her.

"Of course," I look at him, keeping my eyes gentle. "We're almost done here."

"Yeah, I meant after. But, soon, please. I just... um... I need to be prepared for whatever it is. We need to know everything we can, just, what it is, what we can do."

"I'll come find you," I say, quietly.

"Alright," he nods and exits. I sigh out and turn my attention back to the pregnant woman on the table.

"My friends... the baby with osteogenesis imperfecta," I explain to Herman.

"Oh, I see..." she says, quietly. "You're clear on what to tell them?"

"Yeah, I know," I say, softly. I've rehearsed it a million times in my head.

"Just remember what I said about hope... Don't make it any harder for them than it already is." That's a dig at me. I've made it harder for her to accept her tumor and now she's taking it out on me by implying I'll give my best friend false hope about her unborn child. I shake my head in disbelief. I can not believe she's just said that to me.

"Can you take this for me, please?" I ask the scrub nurse next to me.

"Robbins," she says, sharply.

"I am done here," I retort, my voice breaking out into a growl.

"Robbins!" She repeats, but it doesn't stop me.

...

About an hour later, I see Nicole charging towards me.

"You don't ever walk out of the OR in the middle of a procedure," she scolds from half-way down the corridor. But, I ignore her comment. I've spent this last hour building myself up to confront her. I am pissed. She is squandering this opportunity.

"You have a shot!" I shout angrily, pointing in her face. "You have a chance! And, it may be small and it may be risky, but it is a chance!" I've shut her up. Finally, she is speechless. "A chance that my friends would give anything to have, and you're ignoring it! You're wasting it!" I turn away as I feel my eyes sting with tears. I march in the opposite direction. I want to see Amelia. I need to see Amelia. I walk into the scan room where I already know I'll find her studying the tumor.

"Urgh... she is so stubborn," I scream, slamming the door behind me. Angry tears have already made their way down my face.

"Hey," Amelia is in front of me immediately, grabbing my upper arms, trying to keep me steady. "What happened?" She asks, concern in her eyes.

"I... She..." Suddenly, my words turn to tears. Tears of frustration and anger and sadness. I feel Amelia bring a hand to my face. She uses her thumb to wipe them away.

"It's okay," she whispers. "Come and sit down."

I sit at the computer next to the one that Amelia's been glued to and begin to go through the scans as well. Though neuro isn't my speciality, I might still be able to catch something that could help.

I breathe out in an attempt to regain some posture. I clear my throat as my tears subside.

"Sorry," I apologise to Amelia for my outburst.

"You don't have to be sorry," she says, giving me a reassuring smile before turning her attention back to the screen. She is so sweet and caring. I look at her sadly for a few moments, thinking about how wonderful it would be to actually accept her dinner invite. To be able to flirt with her without feeling horrendously guilty. I shake the thoughts from my head and look at my own computer.

We sit silently searching for answers until Nicole walks through the door. No longer in scrubs, she looks at me with eyes full of regret. For a moment, she scratches her temple awkwardly and looks towards Amelia.

"Let's talk."


	7. Naive

**Naive**  
 _I know she knows that I'm not fond of asking. True or false, it may be, but she's still out to get m_ e.  
...

 _Amelia_  
How did she do it? How did Arizona manage to convince the most stubborn woman on the planet into considering this operation? She's amazing. We're sat in her office now, taking a little break before my research into Nicole's tumor begins and she continues with her fetal study. I smirk as I watch her spread peanut butter into her celery stick. Such a weird snack!

"What?" She asks when she realises I'm staring at her. "Have I got peanut butter on my face?" She asks, rubbing her cheek. She places the peanut-butter-celery catastrophe on her plate and picks up her drink, raising her eyebrows at me as she drinks through the straw.

"Go out with me," I say, holding her gaze.

She chokes on the ice tea she's slurping. "What?" She asks, surprised.

"Go out with me," I repeat with a smile. "Let me take you out."

"I thought that's what you said," she replies, with a nervous expression.

"And, your answer is..." I draw out.

"I... I can't," she sighs out. My face changes to a disappointed frown.

"Why not?" I say, dejectedly.

"I... I don't think it's a good idea," she says, eyes darting around the room. "There's just a lot going on right now. With Herman and Kepner... We've got to keep an eye on Mer, too. Make sure she's okay now Derek's away." It sounds as though she's just making stuff up on the spot.

I'm not giving up that easily.

...

 _Arizona_  
The next time I bump into Amelia, I'm getting into the elevator. As the doors open, she stands there with a mischievous look on her face.

"Hey," I say, with a smile, standing next to her.

"Hey... You're pretty. Wanna date me?" She asks, playfully, pretending our conversation didn't happen this morning.

I try to overpower the blush by smirking and rolling my eyes at her. She's very persistent. I don't say anything as I exit the elevator but look back at her with a smile.

...

About an hour later, I'm walking down the corridor after consulting with a new patient; Glenda Castillo. It's going to be an interesting case. Herman wants me to do this one solo. I'm nervous, but really excited.

"Come to dinner?" I hear a voice from close behind me. It makes me jump out of my skin, dropping the paperwork I'm holding.

"Oh, my God. Amelia!" I try to scold, but I can't help laughing a little as she helps me gather up the papers.

...

"Call me?" She says, as I walk out of an OR.

"Quit bothering me," I reply, playfully.

...

Today has been _long_. I am more than ready for my bed. I'm just walking out of the hospital doors to go home when I hear a voice behind me.

"Hey..." Amelia shouts. She runs over to me, lab coat still on and asks: "Wanna go out with me?"

"Amelia, stop," I say, with a gentle laugh. This relentlessness is actually kind of charming. There's no pressure there, she's just eager for this date to happen.

"Come on," she says, stepping closer and invading my personal space. "We'd have fun."

"I know we would," I say with a sad smile.

"Then... what is it? What's the _real_ reason?" She asks, taking one of my hands. I look down at the contact and sigh out.

I don't want to tell her the real reason. I don't want her to think I'm after pity, or compliments. But, I think I owe it to her. She's been nothing but wonderful to me and I want to be honest to her.

"Amelia... I am a 31-year-old widow with one leg and a three-year-old child," I say, quietly. "I have nothing to offer someone as brilliant as you," I admit, trying to avoid her gaze.

 _Amelia_  
"Are you kidding?" Her statement fills me with woe. I can't believe she thinks this about herself. "Arizona, you've got to understand, when I look at you, I don't see baggage," I reassure her. She can't look at me. I know she doesn't believe me. I use the tips of my fingers to gently lift up her chin. Her eyes finally meet mine. "I see a beautiful, strong, caring woman who saves little children." She goes to say something, but falls silent, again. I've got to do something to lighten this atmosphere. "Plus, you're the just the right amount of weird."

She laughs and it stirs the butterflies in my stomach.

"The right amount of weird?" She asks.

"Yeah, y'know... You're not a total freak, but you've got some cute quirks," I explain and her face turns pink. "And, I like it when I make you blush."

"I don't blush," she says, with a pout. That is a _cute_ pout!

"I must have asked you out five or six times today," I say, changing the subject slightly. "Not once did I hear you say 'no'... I don't think you really want to say 'no'," I finish, playfully smirking at her.

"You're right," she admits with a small smile. "I want to say 'yes'. I really do," she says, looking at me intensely, before taking a deep breath. "There's just too much in my head right now." Her eyes shimmer, and I know she's not just making excuses. Maybe now is the wrong time. I swallow the lump in my throat before I speak.

"Okay," I say with a sad smile. I step closer to her. Close enough to kiss her. I settle for a peck on the cheek instead. "Okay," I repeat, indicating to her that I know she's not ready. I head back towards the hospital.

"Amelia," she calls me. I turn back to face her. "Can we still hang out... y'know, at work and stuff?"

"Yeah, of course," I say with a reassuring smile. "I'll see you tomorrow."


	8. Boats and Birds

**Boats and Birds**  
 _You can skyrocket away from me and never come back if you find another galaxy far from here with more room to fly. Just leave me your stardust to remember you by._  
...

 _Arizona_  
It's type two. The baby has osteogenesis imperfecta type two. And, April has made her decision. She's going to let Herman deliver him today, though she's only 24 weeks along. The baby will be named and christened. He's not likely to live more than a few hours. My heart is completely broken for her.

I'm sitting in the corridor when I see April and Jackson come out of their consult with Herman, huddled close to each other. From their expressions, I can tell they've just completed the paperwork; the type of paperwork you should never have to fill in for an unborn child. I stand up from the chair I'm occupying, but they don't stop. I don't think they've even seen me. Nicole appears beside me and watches them walk into one of the vacant rooms.

"I'm going to induce labour," she says, quietly.

"Now?" I ask in a whisper.

"Now," she confirms.

"Oh, God," I close my eyes as the words come out of my mouth. I can feel my bottom lip start to wobble.

"This isn't the time for you to be emotional," Nicole states, bluntly. "You have research to do," she says before following my friends into the room. She didn't say it to be cruel. She wants me to keep myself busy. But, I can't concentrate on anything right now. Instead, I head towards the daycare room where Sofia is playing happily. Through the window, I watch her playing happily with the other children for a minute and decide not to disturb her. I have never been more grateful to have a happy, healthy, beautiful little girl.

...

I pace up and down the corridor outside April's room. It's all I can do to stop myself from going in. I've been here for about fifteen minutes, when Amelia's voice brings me out of my thoughts.

"If you keep doing that, you're going to wear a hole in that floor..." She says, flippantly. I stop and smile half-heartedly at her. "Are you alright?" She asks as I chew my bottom lip.

"What do I do?" I ask, hoping she can give me some sort of miraculous answer.

"Come here..." Her arms surround me completely as she pulls me into a comforting hug. I cling to her lab coat and keep my eyes fixed on the area over her shoulder. As I stare into space, I hear her say: "You need to be calm for them."

"Okay," I say, quietly. It seems so obvious, but it's so difficult. Amelia breaks our embrace and brushes a few strands of my hair out of my face.

"Let me know if you need me," she says, before walking towards her next surgery.

She's right. I need to be calm.

When Nicole comes out of the room ten minutes later, I am completely still.

"Is it over?" I ask, when the door is shut.

"Yeah," she whispers back, as wewalk towards a couple of chairs in the corridor. "I'm giving them some time," she says, much softer to me than before. I know that everything she does is in my best interest.

"Thank you for today," I say, sincerely. "I think that it would have been harder to... be in there," I say as we sit down.

"It's never easy... for anybody," she states, staring into space. My hands start to sweat and I feel completely nauseous.

"What was his name?" I ask, with tears in my eyes.

"Samuel," Herman confirms. "Samuel Norbert Avery."

I smile, remembering how much April freaked out when Jackson told her he wanted to name the baby after his favourite uncle; Norbert. I guess they compromised and made it his middle name.

A feeling of intense torment washes over me as I realise I'll never get to meet him. I'll never get to hold him and tell my best friend how beautiful he is. But, mostly, I'm sad for April and Jackson. Those wonderful people who will never get to take their son home from the hospital.

"I don't... I don't really know what to do for them," I say, fidgeting in my seat and fighting back tears.

"Robbins," Nicole grabs my attention. Her voice is gentle as she places a hand on my forearm. "Go and light a candle."

...

I stand outside the chapel for a couple of seconds, just staring at the doors. God's never been my thing. I simply don't believe in this stuff. But, people have been coming by all day, and even non-believers have said it's given them a sense of calmness. If this act doesn't help me, maybe seeing the lit candle will help somebody else come to terms with the loss. Either way, I don't really have anything to lose. I take a deep breath and make my way through the doors.

There's only one unlit candle left out of about fifty. This tragedy is affecting a lot of people. I strike a match and light the last one with tears in my eyes. Suddenly, I feel overwhelmed. I look up to the sky and pray to whatever's out there, if anything, that the baby is at peace.

This isn't calming, though. It's unnerving, and confusing, and anxiety-inducing.

I sit heavily in one of the pews and look at the candles. They're hypnotising. So much so, I almost don't hear the doors swing open. Another person sits close to me and rests their hand on top of mine. I look to my left and see Amelia next to me.

This. This is more calming for me than the chapel.

She's staring at the candles, too. She looks distraught. She sighs out and we're quiet for a few moments.

"My baby lived for forty three minutes," she whispers, breaking the silence.

The words make my stomach twist. I didn't know she'd lost a baby. The mere thought of it makes me want to weep. I interlace our fingers and she looks at me with tears in her eyes. I rub her arm with my free hand and gently kiss her cheek before resting my head on her shoulder.

We sit silently and watch the candles together.


	9. Breathe Me

**Breathe Me**  
 _I think that I might break. Lost myself again and I feel unsafe._  
...

 _Amelia_  
Nicole's tumor has grown at a much faster rate than I anticipated. I thought she at least had another month before it got to this stage. I can't let this get any bigger or any closer to the hypothalamus. The surgery needs to happen now.

"I need Herman right now," I hear Arizona's voice but I am frozen, staring at the scan pictures. Am I prepared for this? "Glenda Castillo's baby is in distress and Glenda is severely hypertensive, showing signs of heart failure." She hasn't noticed the scans. She's too focused on Castillo. "We need to operate on her immediately. So, if you could finish up..." She's desperate. I can't bring myself to speak. Have I run every scenario through my head? Can I do this? "What are you doing? Why are you just standing there?" She asks, impatiently.

"Arizona," I bring her attention to the screen and she is silent.

"Oh, God," she breathes out. I glance at her and see pure, unadulterated shock and distress in her eyes.

"It's time," I say, quietly.

"Now?" She asks, with tear-filled eyes. She looks so vulnerable. I hold her gaze for a few moments before looking back at Herman lying on the bed in the CT room.

"I'm gonna go... get an OR ready," I say, trying to keep my voice steady in an attempt to soothe Arizona's panic. I know it's not working.

"Okay... okay," she nods, imitating my attempt at staying calm. "You ready f-for this?" She asks, shakily. I can't look at her. I can't lie to her face. But, at the same time I don't want to say, 'I don't know'. Arizona's about to be forced into her first solo fetal surgery. I don't want my uncertainty clouding her mind when she's in there.

"Mhm," I say, quietly, unable to face her.

"Amelia?" Her voice is deeper than usual; troubled. She's demanding my attention.

"I'll get an OR prepped," I say, changing the subject. I drag my eyes from Nicole to look at a terrified Arizona. "You'll inform the patient?" I ask, professionally. This is the only way I'm going to get through this. She nods her head as I walk past her.

In that moment, I know she'll never forgive me if I fuck this up.

...

 _Arizona_  
I charge into the CT room and rush to stand in front of Nicole who's getting up out of the bed.

"Oh... Robbins! Surgery's all finished?" She asks, referring to the operation I've just left Bailey in charge of.

"Yeah..." I spit out. And, then I can't say anything else. I just stare at my mentor. The woman who has beaten the hell out of me for the past four months in an attempt to make me a half-decent fetal surgeon. What do I say to her? How do I tell her she has to have this operation right now?

"Ah... I see," she sighs out, reading my facial expression. "Shepherd's prepping the OR?"

"Yes," I say, quietly.

"If I had to guess, I'd say the tumor's invaded the optic chiasm..." She looks to me for confirmation and I nod uneasily as two men wheel in her operation bed. "Ah... my chariot awaits," she jokes. "A little privacy guys?" She says as she picks up the hospital gown. "Did you, uh... need me for something?" She turns her attention back to me. I turn around so she can change from her scrubs into her gown and decide to try and get her to focus on Castillo. I explain the situation quickly. "Wow... looks like a big day for both of us!" She says, as I finish. I close my eyes trying to calm my nerves and my upset. She begins to tell me how I should begin the surgery.

"She has you," I interrupt her. "Amelia has you. This is the point where you trust her, okay?" And, I believe every word of it. Unfortunately, Nicole does not. I can tell in the way she continues to talk to me about Glenda Castillo. I stop her again. "This is the point where you trust her, okay?" I say, more pointedly this time. I'm met with silence.

"All set," she says, indicating that she's dressed and ready. I turn to face her and I feel sick to my stomach. Seeing her in the hospital gown has really made the situation seem real all of a sudden.

"Don't let Glenda's platelet count drop below-"

"Hundred, I know," I say, rapidly, trying to give her some confidence in my ability.

"Will you tie me?" She asks turning around.

"Yeah," I step closer to her and tie the string together. My bottom lip wobbles and it takes everything I have in me not to break down there and then. I compose myself and smile at her as she turns to face me. She lies down on her 'chariot' and I cover her over with a sheet, making sure it rests comfortably on her. I hear her sigh out once again. She's scared.

"Let's do this," she says, looking at me with uncertainty. I pull up one of the sides and look at her, wanting to say something profound or tell her how grateful I am for everything that she's done for me. But, I can't find the words. She looks back at me but is silent, too. Before I know it she's being wheeled away. I walk next to her bed. "Be sure, be fast," she starts giving me surgery advice again. She needs to take her mind off what's about to happen. "You don't have half the time you imagine. Try to oblate all the vessels. Don't wait too long. Don't be afraid to make that call. If she's awake, she'll tell you for the fifteenth time to save her child's life before hers. Listen to her. Let her say her piece, then you do what needs to be done."

"I don't think... I don't- I don't know... I don't know if I can do this," I admit. I am submerged in doubt. "I can't! I can't do this!"

"You can," she encourages me.

"Nicole!" I say, in desperation. I just want her to get off the hospital bed and come with me one last time.

"You will!" She says in such a way that I know she has placed all of her confidence in me.

 _Amelia_  
"Let's get you inside now, okay?" I say, gently. Arizona and I stand side-by-side as we watch her get wheeled into the OR. I grab the beautiful blonde's hand and she looks at me with panic-stricken eyes. "I'm going to do everything I can," I promise her.

"I know," she says, squeezing my hand before entering the OR herself. I go to wash up and watch their interaction though the window. Herman looks scared. I watch as she bats away the oxygen mask. Arizona stands over her, calming her. She has this innate ability with people; this calming influence even when there's a whirlwind happening inside her.

...

Minutes later and I completely freak out. I tell Webber I can't do it and ask him to get my brother on a plane back to Seattle to perform this operation instead of me. But, I'm ready now. I've had my moments of doubt and now I'm ready to save Herman's life.

Thank God Arizona wasn't here to witness my meltdown.

...

 _Arizona_  
"Robbins, he's not coming back," Alex says as he watches the monitor that's attached to Glenda's unborn baby. I carry on compressions, regardless. He's not a lost cause yet.

"Karev, shut your mouth," Bailey says, as she stares at the fetus in her hands.

"Okay, it's okay," I say, calmly, even though my heart is in my mouth. I have to save this baby.

"C'mon, baby. Oh, come on," Miranda begs. It feels like hours, but moments later the line on the monitor portraying the baby's pulse starts to draw mountains again. I breathe the biggest sigh and laugh in relief.

"You can let go now, Bailey. Time to put him back in."

...

 _Amelia_  
I got it. I got all of it. The entire tumor is gone from Nicole Herman's head. This is my biggest accomplishment to date... If it's successful that is. She hasn't woken up yet. She has to wake up. Otherwise, it'll all have been for nothing.

Arizona's been off the clock for hours, but she hasn't left the hospital. She's been sat in an armchair next to Herman's bed, simply waiting. As I turn the corner to check on them both before I leave for the night, I see Arizona curled up in that chair, eyes closed, and head tilted to the side. She's had one hell of a day.

I grab a blanket from one of the cupboards and drape it over her, wanting to make sure she'll wake up cosy. I tuck her hair behind her ear to avoid it tickling her face and she stirs. Icy blue eyes stare back at me, confused. It takes her a few seconds to realise where she is.

"Has there been any change?" She croaks, bringing herself to sit up, properly. I shake my head.

"Maybe you should go home... get some rest," I suggest. She sighs out and nods her head, but snuggles back under the blanket. "Where's Sofia?"

"She's with Meredith," she says, sleepily. She closes her eyes again.

"Arizona," I shake her a little. "I'm about to go home. Do you want me to drive you back?" I ask. "You're more than welcome to crash in the spare room."

"Uh, yeah... Please," she says, quietly. "I should be there when Sofia wakes up. I feel like I've barely seen her this week."

...

 _Arizona_  
I sneak into Zola's room and see Sofia sleeping soundly on the sofabed. I tuck her long dark locks behind her ear and kiss her forehead, before heading to the spare room. I take my prosthetic leg off and put Amelia's pyjamas on. I'm exhausted. Really exhausted. Climbing into the sheets, I know I'm not going to be able to sleep. I just keep thinking about what has to happen if Nicole doesn't wake up. A knock on the door draws me out of my thoughts. I lie on my side to face the door and say, "Come in."

"Can I get you anything?" Amelia asks, poking her head around the door. I shake my head and smile at her. She brings herself into the room, as though she's sensed my worry. "Big day, huh?" She says, sitting next to me on the bed.

"I can't believe you got all of it," I say, looking at her with admiration. "You did amazingly."

 _Amelia_  
"You did, too," I smile back at Arizona. "I guess you're a _real_ fetal surgeon now," I joke. She smiles but her eyes start to shimmer as she chews her bottom lip. "Are you alright?" I ask, placing a hand on her arm. She nods and takes a deep breath.

"Over the past four months, that woman beat the hell out of me," she says, shakily. "Trying to shove every piece of knowledge and experience into my head and... she did. It's there. All of it," she smiles and looks to the ceiling. "She's in my head," comes out as a whisper. "But, I'm... I am not ready for my head to be the only place she exists."

Something takes over me, and I lose all inhibition. I lie next to Arizona and pull her into my arms, holding her close as she cries softly into my shirt.


	10. I Know You Care

**I Know You Care**  
 _I know you care. I see it in the way that you stare, as if there was trouble ahead, and you knew it._  
...

 _Amelia_  
Morning rolls around and I wake up to realise I'm not in my own bed. I'm in the guest room. My right shoulder is pinned down by something. I look down and see a mop of blonde hair. Arizona Robbins is still fast asleep in my arms, breathing steadily. One of her hands rests on my stomach and she looks completely serene. Without really thinking, I turn to kiss her forehead and let my hand lazily stroke through her silky locks. This is a great way to wake up. My heart sinks when I realise this is probably the only time it will ever happen.

A few moments later, she begins to stir. Her eyes flutter open and she smiles sweetly at me, still half-asleep. She closes her eyes again for a second or two before they snap open. Alarm sketches her face as her eyes dart about the room. She looks down at herself, probably checking to see if she's still wearing clothes. She sits bolt upright.

"What time is it?" She asks, quickly.

"Uh... 7:15," I say, checking the clock.

"Is Sofia still asleep?"

"I haven't heard her get up..." I say, unsure.

"Okay... okay," she says, settling into the pillow underneath her. She turns her head to look at me. "Uh... sorry for trapping you last night," she says with a bashful smile.

"Don't worry about it. I really don't mind waking up next to that pretty face," I say, boldly. Her cheeks turn pink almost immediately and she avoids eye contact.

"And, thank you... for looking after me last night," she says, grabbing one of my hands. We lay on the pillows, facing each other as we talk.

"Any time," I say, honestly. We gaze at each other attentively. Our faces are close. I see those deep blue orbs dart from my eyes to my lips and back again. She _so_ wants to kiss me.

"Oh, _here's_ Aunt Amy," Meredith's voice interrupts our moment as she enters the room holding the hands of Zola and Sofia. Arizona shoots up as she did before. "...And, Arizona!" She says, surprised.

"Mommy!" Sofia calls out, excitedly, before jumping into Arizona's lap.

"Hey," she says awkwardly to Meredith. "Sorry, you were in bed when we came in last night," she explains, swiftly. "Amelia suggested I crash here..."

"I bet she did," Meredith says, with a raised eyebrow. I give her a threatening look, but she simply smirks in return.

...

Much later on, Arizona and I are running down one of the hospital corridors. She's slightly behind me as we race towards Nicole's room. We each take a side of the bed. Edwards is already here.

She's awake. Herman's awake. I take the tube out of her throat, quickly and smoothly.

"Nicole," I say, shaking her gently.

"Mommy... Is that you mommy?" Fuck. What's happened to her? What did I miss? I look to see Arizona's reaction. Her mouth hangs ajar. She's worried, too. Our worries are quickly squashed when we hear her laughing. "God, I'm fine... I'm fine," she says, weakly.

"Do you know where you are?" I ask, desperately.

"Same place I always am!" She says with a smirk.

"What's your name?" I ask, checking her memory.

"Er... that hasn't changed either." She's such a wise ass! I see Arizona smile widely.

"Squeeze my finger," I say, placing it into her hand. "Good, and here," I indicate to the other hand. "Good. Gross motor function's in tact," I say more to Arizona than anyone else. I retrieve a torch from my pocket. "Follow the light, okay?" I instruct. Her eyes don't move and her pupils don't dilate.

"How are you feeling?" Arizona asks, desperately.

"Shhh," I say, delicately. I need to check I've got this right. Much to my dismay, I have. Herman can't see a thing. Arizona's face drops and my heart sinks.

"Okay, it's alright. It's okay. I'm okay," she says, trying to reassure us all of her mentality. "You got it all, didn't you?" I can't reply. "Edwards, did she get all of it?"

Stephanie clears her throat. She's upset, too. "Yeah, she got all of it," she confirms, her voice wavering.

"Hey, no crying in here! Cry babies out," she waves her hand towards the door and Edwards exits quickly. As she does, Hunt and Webber enter to see how she's doing.

"Dr Hunt, Dr Webber," I address them so she knows who's in the room with us.

"Gentlemen, looking good," she quips.

"So are you," Hunt says in a friendly manner.

"So far, so good," she lies.

"Ah, we're glad to hear it," Richard says, sincerely. "Dr Shepherd did an amazing job."

"Yeah, yeah... I brought the tumor. That made her look pretty good." She jokes. "Give us a second, would you? Robbins and I have some work."

"Yeah," I say, quietly. "Why don't we step outside? Give them a moment..." Arizona looks at me with teary but thankful eyes. She hasn't been able to say anything. "I will be back soon. We will need a full work up."

"Yes, ma'am," Herman salutes.

 _Arizona_  
"Tell me about Glenda Castillo," Nicole demands, returning conversation straight back to work. It's almost as though she hasn't had an operation at all.

"Um... Glenda's recovering well. And, she's still pregnant." This earns me a smile. "Baby's doing well, too."

"I knew I picked the right horse," she says, grin spread across her face.

"Please stop calling me a horse," I say, with a short laugh.

"I knew it. I knew you would not let me down. I had no doubt," she says, earnestly. This makes my heart ache. The woman who taught me everything I know about fetal surgery will never operate again.

"Can you see anything?" I ask, my voice wavering. "Anything at all?"

"No," she says, sadly. "Nothing. Completely blind." Oh, God. I can't control it anymore. The tears I've been holding back spill down my face. I sniff, trying to get them back under wraps. "You better not be crying," Herman threatens.

"I'm not," I say in an agitated tone, trying to disguise my upset. I take a short, sharp breath. "Are you alright?" It comes out as a whisper.

"I don't know," she says, shaking her head. "It'll take a while to sink in. Don't think you're gonna wanna be around me when it does. That will be ugly."

"I will be," I say through my tears. "If you want me to, I'll help-"

"You're missing the point," she says, sharply. "You're so thick, Robbins! You're always just to the left of the point," she jokes. "The point is... I'm going to get to figure it out. Something is going to happen next." She says, with a gentle smile. "The point is... I'm alive." This moment of clarity soothes me. She's here and she's okay. She just can't see. "And, I wouldn't be if you hadn't been such a pain in my ass." She holds out her hand for me to take and I shake it gently, unable to stop the tears from rolling down my face. I can _feel_ her gratitude and it's completely overwhelming. "I picked the right horse," she whispers. I laugh through my tears and she smiles back at me.

...

"Where's Shepherd?" I ask Maggie as I march down the corridor.

"Uh... I think she was putting some medical supplies away," she says, not taking her eyes off the screen she's staring at. I pick my pace up and head towards the supply closet. I find her putting away unopened bandages. When she hears the door close, she turns to face me.

"You saved her," I say, breathlessly.

"I wouldn't have been able to without you," she replies, meaningfully.

 _Amelia_  
We look at each other silently for a few moments, already knowing what's about to happen. Simultaneously, we rush towards each, closing the gap between us, and she wraps her arms around my neck as our lips crash together. My hands automatically move to her back, pulling her incredible body into mine. The kisses are hot and passionate and long-overdue. When I feel her hands tangle into my hair, I run my tongue across her bottom lip. She parts her lips and our tongues start to dart around each other. When I hear her moan, I can't control myself. Never breaking the kiss, I use my body to push her towards the back wall. My hips pin her in place. I feel her hands move from my hair to my lab coat, pulling me in as close as possible. The kisses become slower but are just as passionate. We break for air. She leans her forehead against mine. My heart beats violently as I try to get my breath back. We stay like this for a few seconds, before she forces herself past me and out of the supply closet.

What the hell just happened?


	11. I Shall Believe

**I Shall Believe**  
 _Please say honestly you won't give up on me and I shall believe._  
...

 _Amelia_  
Arizona and I haven't spoken since the kiss. She's been avoiding me for about a week. I haven't seen her in work, and she's been ignoring my texts and calls. I miss her. And, I know she's freaked out. I just wish she'd talk to me.

"Dr Webber, have you seen Dr Robbins lately?" I ask, curiously.

"She's been around," he says, vaguely. "She's not here today, though. She called in sick earlier."

"She's sick?" I ask with concern.

"Yeah, nothing too serious," he reassures me, sensing my tone. "Influenza or something like that." He says. "Do you need a consult?"

"Oh, uh... no. Thank you, sir," I finish my sentence quickly, not being able to think of an alternative reason that I might need her. I hope she's okay.

...

I haven't been home from work yet. I went straight to my go-to soup place and picked up two cartons of their best flavour. It's 7:30pm when I knock on Arizona's door, softly. She answers in her sweats and an oversized T-shirt, hair tied up on top of her head and a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. Her nose and eyes are bright red, yet she still manages to look adorable. She's surprised to see me.

"I brought chicken noodle soup," I explain, holding the paper bag full of soup up.

"Oh! My hero!" She says through a bunged up nose, genuinely grateful. She opens the door wider for me to come in. I thought the next time I saw her would feel awkward. But, it's fine. It's as though the kiss hasn't even happened. "Although, you're not really supposed to see me like this."

"Like what?" I ask, stepping out of my shoes and following her into the living room.

"Sick and gross," she says, plonking herself down onto the couch where it's clear she's been all day. The coffee table is littered with used tissues and empty coffee mugs.

"You _do_ look sick... I don't think you could ever look gross." I try flattery. She scoffs at me.

"You didn't see me throwing up in the toilet at 3am this morning," she says before frowning at her own words, realising she's divulged too much information. "I don't know why I told you that..." She says turning red as I laugh at her. "Thank you for this," she motions to the soup with a smile, changing the subject. "It's exactly what I needed."

"You didn't have your flu shot," I state, in a scolding tone.

"No, I always have a bad reaction to them," she explains before taking a big slurp of soup. "This soup is so good!" I feel like telling her off some more for neglecting her health, but I'm going to cut her some slack. No one likes to be lectured when they're sick.

"You've been looking after Sofia?" I ask, noticing the toys strewn across the carpet. She could really do with some help right now. Three-year-olds are draining!

"Yeah, she's an easy enough kid to take care of, even when I'm sick," she says, before a few dry coughs escape. "You've just missed her actually. I put her to bed a few minutes ago."

"Have you managed to sleep at all today I ask, concerned. The dark circles around her eyes suggest she hasn't. She nods her head but I'm not convinced.

"A little," she says, croakily. "When she had a nap."

"You must be exhausted," I say, placing my hand over hers. She looks at the contact and then back into my eyes.

"I'm alright," she whispers back. We stay like this for a few moments until she starts to have a coughing fit.

"Oh, that does _not_ sound good," I say, quickly jumping off the couch and straight into doctor mode. I make my way into the kitchen and fill a bowl full of boiling water. I place it on the coffee table in front of her and place a supportive hand on her back, helping her lean forward so the steam hits her face. Within seconds, her breathing eases and the coughing subsides. When she's satisfied that this trick has done the job, she leans into my body, eyes closed and exhausted. I wrap an arm around her and move us both backwards to relax on the couch.

"I'm gonna make you sick," she protests, but doesn't move from the embrace. Her eyes are still shut tight.

"You won't," I say, confidently. "I had my flu shot like a _sensible_ doctor." I can't resist getting in one last little jab.

"Shut up," she says with a little laugh, before nuzzling into my shoulder.

"I've... I've missed you," I say, honestly. "I feel like you've been avoiding me since... y'know." I hear her exhale, heavily.

"I have," she admits, she lifts her head to look at me. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry," I say stroking her cheek. "I just want to know... what... what do you want to have happen next?"

"I don't know," she sighs out, bringing her head back to it's original position on my shoulder. "I'm not ready for... _anything_. And, I don't expect you to wait around forever," she says, sadly. "I think maybe we should just be friends."

"Okay," I whisper back, holding her tightly in my arms.

 _Arizona_  
She accepts my idea, and I feel a pit of despair grow in the bottom of my stomach. A part of me was hoping she might protest. The other part of me is glad she's accepted our friendship. There's no pressure of a relationship. But, I don't feel right. This feels wrong somehow. Am I making a mistake?


	12. No, It Isn't

**No, It Isn't**  
 _I listen to you talk but talk is cheap, and my mouth is filled with blood from trying not to speak._  
...

 _Meredith_  
There was a plane crash. An actual plane crash. Not our plane crash. Not the one that took my sister. But, another one. With other people. The victims are here... In this hospital.

It's not my plane. It's not my plane. I repeat the mantra over and over in my head. It's not my plane. I'm safe. My heart feels like it's about to burst through my chest.

Derek isn't here. Christina isn't here. Lexie and Mark are dead. The only person here who knows what I'm going through is Arizona Robbins. I need to see her. Where is she?

"Alex, where's Robbins?" I ask, walking quickly down the corridor.

"I don't know. What do you need? Consult?" He asks, quickly.

"I need Robbins," I say, bluntly, as I continue my search. Come on, Arizona. Where are you? I check several rooms on the way down but still can't find her. When I open the third supply closet door, I finally find her. She's sat down, leaning her back against the shelves where we keep the surgical gloves. She has her knees pulled up to her chest and is trying to regulate her breathing. She turns her head sharply to look at me.

"Th-there was a plane crash," she says, shakily. There are tears in her eyes.

"I know," I say, my own breathing becoming erratic. I shut the door behind me and move quickly to sit next to her. She shakes her head rapidly. I imagine she's trying to get memories of the crash out of her head. It's all I can think about.

"But, we're okay," she says, trying to convince herself rather than me. "Because it's... it's not us," she says, taking more deep breaths. "So... we're okay."

"We are okay!" I say in solidarity. "We... we are okay." Neither of us are doing a very good job at convincing ourselves.

"Did you see that guy out there?" She says, closing her eyes. "His leg... severed beneath the knee..." I watch as a couple of tears escape her eyelids and roll down her cheeks. "Did-did you see him?" There is so much pain in her face. Like she's reliving finding her bone sticking out of her leg.

"I did," I say, gently. "We're okay." She breaths through it but can't stop her bottom lip from wobbling. "That girl... She can't find her boyfriend," I state. My mind isn't with the girl, though. It's with Derek. When we crashed and I didn't know where he was. When I thought he must be dead. I'm transported back to the time when I was screaming his name through those woods, the smell of plane debris stinging my nostrils.

I'm brought back to reality when I feel Arizona grab my hand and hug it close to her chest in an attempt to provide both of us with some comfort. Her trembling determines just how scared she is; as though someone's about to take her other leg.

"We're okay," she says, bravely.

"We're okay," I repeat.

...

 _Amelia_  
As I make my way towards the hospital, about to start my shift, I notice a familiar blonde doctor perched on the edge of a bench, making her way through a cigarette.

"Arizona?" I look at her, puzzled. What's stressed her out?

"Hi... Hi, Amelia," she says with wide, startled eyes.

"Are you alright?" I ask, taking a seat next to her.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she says, quickly. "You know who's not alright? The people who were in the plane crash." She says, frantically. What? Do we have plane crash patients today? I decide not to question her about it.

"Okay," I say, calmly. "Do you need to go home?"

"No, no, I... I need to stay here. I'm needed here," she states with a frown. Her voice doesn't sound like her own. "I need to help the pregnant women."

"You do," I confirm, keeping my voice gentle and placing my hand on her arm. She looks at me with frightened eyes and everything inside my heart screams at me to hold her; to comfort her and kiss away the anxiety. But, we're friends. We're just friends.

"Don't-Don't let them take my leg," she begs me, tearfully. My mouth hangs open as I realise she's having PTSD flashbacks.

"Woah, hey, hey," I move to kneel in front of her, throwing her cigarette to one side and placing my hands on top of hers. "Look around..." She does as she's told, panic still in her eyes. "You're safe. You're at the hospital... as a surgeon. You weren't on that plane, Arizona," I say the words slowly and deliberately as an attempt to make them sink in.

I can pinpoint the exact moment she realises what's happening because her face changes and she looks anywhere but in my direction. She's painfully embarrassed.

"It's alright," I reassure her, placing one of my hands on her knee.

"I need to go and help," she repeats, lucidly this time. She's looking to me for guidance. It's as though she doesn't do this work every day.

"Okay," I say, standing up and bringing her up with me. "Here's what you're going to do..." I hold her shoulders, trying to keep her attention. "You're going to go back in there, and change your scrubs," I instruct. "No one likes a smoky doctor," I explain. "Get up to speed with Karev, see which moms need the most help... Then you're going to save some babies. Okay?"

"Okay," she says, nodding forcefully. She still hasn't persuaded herself.

"You've got this," I reassure her. "Come on."

We walk towards the hospital together and she fidgets with her hands all the way. As we get to the doors, she freezes. Her face twitches as though she's flitting between the plane crash and present day.

"Hey," I snap her out of her thoughts. "You've got this," I repeat.

"I've got this," she imitates. She looks more confident now.

We stride into the hospital and straight towards the changing room. We both change quickly. I keep my eyes anywhere but her body.

"Amelia," she says, quietly. I turn to face her. In new scrubs and a fresh, crisp white lab coat, she looks much more like herself now and I feel relieved. "Thank you," she says, sincerely, before rushing towards the paediatric ward.

...

It's all hands on deck in the ER. Suturing, referring patients to x-ray and bandaging has been my main remit. I wonder how many of these patients will suffer from PTSD... I wonder if Arizona's okay. Making sure I'm finished with the last minor injury, I head towards the pediatric ward.

I stand outside the room Arizona's working in and watch her through the window. She's directing Karev, who's responding to her every instruction. She holds a fussy baby in one arm, and uses her stethoscope to check the heartbeat of a newborn in one of the cots. No one would believe that just two hours ago she was suffering with PTSD symptoms. She's incredible.

"Dr Shepherd," a strong,gruff voice brings me out of my thoughts. I look up to see Hunt smiling at me. "How has your morning been?"

"Busy," I reply, bluntly. He walks with me as I head back to the elevator.

"Sounds like you could use a little down time," he says. "Come to dinner with me tonight?" He asks with a charming smile.

"Um..." Maybe I should just say yes. Clearly, things aren't going my way with Arizona. And, Hunt seems nice enough. Handsome in a kind of rugged way, though I don't usually go for redheads. "Sure, sounds good," I say with a small smile.

"Great. What time do you finish?" He asks, confidently.

"6," I reply. The elevator doors open and we step out back into the emergency room.

"See you then," he says with a smile. I smile back and he walks away. He seems sweet, but he hasn't awoken any butterflies yet.

...

 _Arizona_  
"Hey, Little Goose," I bend down and scoop my little girl up in my arms. "How has she been?" I ask Jill.

"Absolutely fine," she says with a friendly smile. "She made a picture for you. It's in her bag."

"Great, thanks," I reply, happily. "See you tomorrow."

"Bye, Arizona. Bye, Sofia!" My little girl waves at her and we exit the daycare, heading towards the hospital exit.

"So, what did you do today, sweet pea?" I ask as we travel to the ground floor.

"I played animals with Zola," she replies, sweetly.

"You did?" I ask with a smile. I have no idea what 'playing animals' entails, but it sounds cute.

"Yes, I was a lion," she says, proudly. "ROOOOAR!" She screams in my face.

"Still not tired, huh?" I say, as the elevator doors open.

"Look, Mommy!" She exclaims, pointing right in front of us. She's spotted Amelia; the wonderful woman who made it possible for me to be myself today instead of some PTSD-related shell of a person. "Amy!" She exclaims as we get closer. Amelia is so good with the kids and they absolutely adore her.

"Hey, Sofia," she says with a gorgeous smile, reaching her arms out to hug my daughter. "Hey," she turns her attention to me and looks at me with sparkling eyes. She looks phenomenal.

"Hey," I say, taken aback by her beauty for a moment. "Thanks again for today." I say sincerely, as Sofia reaches her way back into my arms. "You look nice," I compliment her with a smile.

"Thanks," she says, uncomfortably shifting on her feet.

Okay, this is silly! She's sweet, caring, intelligent, brilliant... she's super hot! And, she understands me. She's great with the kids and is really fun to be around... She's perfect. I'm being ridiculous. Why the hell am I saying 'no' to dating this woman? I'm going to ask her out. Forget not being ready!

"Are you ready?" I turn my head to see Owen stand next to Amelia. He places his hand on her lower back and smiles at her.

"Uh... yeah," she says, smiling back at him. "See you later," she says, looking awkwardly at me.

"Bye," I say, quietly, and my heart sinks as I watch them exit the building together.

Oh, God. I'm too late. She's found someone else.


	13. Hourglass

**Hourglass**  
 _I'm so impatient when you're not mine._  
...

 _Arizona_  
I've been in a horrendous mood for the past few days. I've been abrupt and bad-mannered and moody. And, I can't seem to snap out of it. Is it the lack of sleep? Or, am I still a little apprehensive about being in work with some of the plane crash victims still lingering about the place? Probably a combination of the two.

It's late now, but I have no plans to go home. There's a couple of expectant moms I need to be close to overnight. Both fetal surgeries went smoothly today, but I'm still not 100% confident with the aftercare. It scares me to death to think that something could go wrong and I'd be too far away.

"Busy day?" Amelia asks, bringing me out of my thoughts. I'm updating patient details on one of the corridor computers and try to keep my eyes on the screen.

"Yeah," I keep my reply short. I don't want to talk tonight. Not even to Amelia.

"Are you alright?" She asks, concern evident in her voice.

"I really wish people would stop asking me that," I sigh out, picking up the unused IVs and bandages that are strewn to the side of me and heading into the closest supply closet to put them back. She follows me in.

"What is going on with you?" She asks, starting to get annoyed herself.

"What?" I snap.

"Come on, Arizona!" She begins. "You've been so snappy and agitated the past few days. I haven't seen you smile once," she says, dejectedly. "This isn't like you."

"Maybe you don't know me that well," I say, sharply, continuing to put equipment away. My comment takes her aback.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" She asks, angrily.

"Nothing," I lie. I try to walk out of the room but she grabs my arm as I pass.

"Arizona, talk to me," she pleads with her eyes.

"Go talk to Hunt," I growl back.

"What?" She knots her eyebrows together.

It's out in the open, now. I'm jealous. I know it, she knows it. And, I can't stop myself from kissing her.

 _Amelia_  
Her kisses are quick and breath-taking. I respond and begin tugging at her clothes a little before I realise what's happening. This isn't right. She doesn't want this. Is she scared? Is she confused? Is she vulnerable? I pull my head back to look at her.

"Arizona, what are you doing?" I place my hand on her chest, creating a barrier between us. From the expression on her face, I'm guessing she doesn't actually know what she's doing. Her mouth opens and closes a couple of times whilst she searches her head for an answer.

"I..." She tries to say something, but falls silent almost immediately.

"You said you didn't want this," I remind her. "You've rejected the idea time and time again for months!" I say, starting to get a little pissed off. In all honesty, I'm hurt. I kind of feel like I'm being used. "Then you see me with Owen and turn into a green-eyed monster." This is so confusing. For Arizona, sure, but for me as well. I think maybe she's lost sight of that. "What do you want from me?" The volume of the question is raised significantly. I didn't mean to shout, but I'm in a place of complete frustration.

She says nothing in return but looks at me with sharp, determined eyes.

...

She drags me through the door of the nearest on-call room and pushes me up against it, turning the lock with a flick of the wrist and kissing me feverishly. Her hand reaches up to pull the cord of the blinds, shutting them tight. Then she moves it to my cheek as her body melts into mine. Suddenly, she pulls back.

"Wait!" She's looking at me with unsure eyes, and trying to get her breath back. "You... You and Hunt...?" Oh, great. Now she has a sudden attack of conscience...

"We're not a thing," I quickly dismiss her perception before removing my lab coat and throwing it to one side, launching back into another kiss. The truth is, I told him on our first date that I was completely hung up on someone else. He accepted it without any questions. Maybe he already knows I've got a thing for Arizona. Meredith knows, Maggie knows, Karev hints at knowing. Maybe I'm just that obvious. But, at this point in time, I really don't care.

I push Arizona further into the room, keeping the kisses hot and heavy the whole time. I slide the lab coat off her shoulders and it falls to the floor. My hands find their way under her scrub top, caressing the smooth skin of her tight stomach. I break the kiss only to pull it up and over her head. When I see the black bra that's supporting her incredible breasts, my mind does cartwheels. I trace the mounds of exposed flesh delicately with my fingers before kissing her passionately once more. She evens the score by ridding me of my own shirt, and pushes me so that I'm sitting on the bed. She straddles me, continuing the sexiest kisses I've ever experienced. I pull her hips closer to me and as she moans, my clit throbs. I move us so that I'm lying down and she's now on top of me, but something hard hits the bottom of my chin with a clunk, interrupting our kiss.

"Ow," I rub the sore spot and look for the offending item. It's a plain, white gold wedding band, and it's dangling from Arizona's neck.

"Are you okay?" She asks with worried eyes. I nod my head, and choose not to say anything. I lift my head to meet her lips once more. One of my hands slips into pants and glides down the outside of her underwear. I use my middle finger to apply pressure to her clit and, though there's a cotton barrier between us, she has to catch her breath. As I move my finger in small, circular motions, her body moves enticingly above me. The sounds that come out of her mouth drive me wild. I can't wait any longer. I stop my movements and slowly move my hand to the lining of her underwear. "Wait," she grabs my wrist and tries to get her breathing under control. "I... I need to stop," she says, shakily.

Immediately, I remove my hand from her pants and place it on her cheek. I use my thumb to graze her cheekbone. "Okay... It's alright," I try whispering some reassurance through my own laboured breaths. She moves to sit on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor. I sit next to her and rub a hand up and down her back. "It's okay," I reiterate.

"I'm... I'm sorry." she says, looking at me with tears in her eyes. She's visibly shaken.

"You have nothing to apologise for," I say, honestly. "It's okay," I kiss her exposed shoulder, lightly. "Are you alright?" She looks at me wide-eyed and confused, but nods.

"I'm okay... and... what you were doing... that was okay... better than okay!" She grins at me through her worry. "And... I know... I know the next bit... that would have been... wow, that would have been... wow." Her eyes go glossy as she thinks about me fucking her. I swallow the lump in my throat as similar images run through my own head. "I just... I don't... I don't know... I..." I notice her fiddling anxiously with her wedding band. I don't think she realises she's doing it. I reach up and cover her hand with mine. Her eyes dart from our hands and back to my face.

"She'd want you to be happy," I say, calmly. "If she was half as decent as the people around here say she was... she'd want you to be happy. She wouldn't want you to be alone. She'd want you to find someone who makes you happy," I say, bringing her hand to rest in both of mine. "And, I'm not saying that person's _me_. But... maybe me?" I finish with an awkward smile. She smiles widely but avoids my gaze for a few seconds. When she brings her head back up, she looks at me with thoughtfulness in her eyes.

"Are you on-call tonight?" She asks.

"Uh... yeah, why?" I say, taken aback by the sudden change of topic.

"Will you stay with me?" She asks with pleading eyes. "In here... tonight," she continues. I look at her quizzically, confused at what she actually wants. "Just... to sleep."

"That sounds good to me," I whisper, smiling in approval, before removing my pants and folding them up, placing them under the pillow. I scoot under the covers as she does the same, removing her prosthetic leg in the process. She doesn't want me to see her without it on; I can tell because her movements are more rigid as she clambers under the sheet. When she's shielded, she turns to face me, snuggling closer. I allow one of my hands to move to her hip. For a few moments, we just stare at each other, as though memorising every detail of the other's face. Then, she brushes a few strands of hair out of my face and leans in to kiss me. It's slow and gentle this time; like it's the first time she's thought it through properly. It's purposeful, making it the most meaningful kiss she's given me so far. I reciprocate, trying to pour all of my feelings into the kiss. I want her to know she's cared about. I want her to know how wonderful she is. I feel her smile into the kiss and pull back to look at her. She is beautiful.

"Arizona, I'm going to ask you this one more time..." I start, boldly. "Let me take you out?"


	14. Heartbeats

**Heartbeats**  
 _One night of magic rush. The start: a simple touch._  
...

 _Arizona_  
I'm awoken from the deepest sleep by an intruding beeping sound. I turn around but stay in the arms of the sleeping woman next to me. I reach for the offending pager to see whose it is.

"Please... not me," I hear Amelia mumble, her eyes still shut tight.

"Don't worry, it's mine," I sigh out, throwing the sheets back and putting my prosthesis on. "Go back to sleep," I say gently, as I begin to dress.

"You should stay," she says, opening her tired eyes. "Let Karev deal with it," she suggests, leaning up on her elbows to look at me. "Come nap for five more minutes!" She begs. It's so tempting. But, I can't. I crouch by the bed and take one of her hands.

"I can't... It's a fetal thing, not a peds thing," I say, woefully. "I'll see you later, though."

"I can't wait. I'll pick you up at 7," she says with a smile so charming that I just have to kiss her.

...

"Hey, can you mind Sofia tonight?" I ask Karev as we rush towards the pediatric section of the hospital.

"Yeah, sure. I haven't hung out with that little goofball for ages," he says, happily. "Big plans?"

"Actually, I, uh..." Oh, just tell him! "I'mgoingonadate," comes out as one big word.

"Yeah, I didn't catch any of that," he says, nonchalantly.

"I'm going on a date," I say, with a bit more composure.

"Ah, I see," he smirks. "And, what time will Amelia Shepherd be picking you up?" I lightly punch him on the arm for being a smug know-it-all.

"Seven," I say through pursed lips.

"Well, I finish at three. Should I just take Little Miss home with me then?" He asks, eagerly. "I can take her to the park and we can make pizzas." I don't reply but simply smile at him. He's going to make such a sweet dad one day. "What?"

"You've come a long way, Karev," I say, genuinely. "I'll come find you before I leave."

We part ways and I pick up my pace, entering Room 472 to find Mrs Fields on her side, breathing through some intense pain. One of our nurses, Liz, stands next to her bed. She holds a damp cloth over her head. A nervous father stands the other side, pacing slightly.

"Mrs Fields, can you describe what kind of pain you're in?" I ask, wasting no time.

"I don't-I don't know. I can't..." Her sentence is cut short by a cry of pain.

"Okay, it's okay," I say, calmly. "I'm going to need you to lie on your back for a quick examination." She does as she's instructed. "Breathe out as hard and for as long as you can for the pain." This eases her, considerably.

"Has something gone wrong after the operation?" She asks as I begin to feel her stomach. "Is he going to be okay?"

"The operation went very smoothly, Mrs Fields. I'm sure he'll be fine," I say, with a reassuring smile. "You've got yourselves a very active 30-week baby," I say, relieved when I realise what's causing the pain. "He's in transverse position, which means he's lying horizontally. And... It feels like he's having a good old stretch to me." I watch as the mother's face relaxes, but I know she's still in a tremendous amount of pain. "I'm going to turn him a little. It's going to be uncomfortable for a few moments, but it should feel a lot better when he's moved."

"You can do that? From the outside?" Mr Fields asks as he finally stops pacing.

"Will it hurt him?" My patient asks with worried eyes.

"Not at all," I promise. "I'm going to be as gentle as I can."

...

 _Amelia_  
"You're still here?" I ask Arizona at noon as she retrieves her purse from her locker. She looks so hot in that black dress, grey blazer combo. There's no one here. I could just take her here and now if I wanted...

"Yeah, the Fields' baby is a stubborn little human," she says, rolling her eyes. "What time do you finish?"

"Now," I say, taking another step closer and pushing her against her locker. My hands move to her hips as I place a slow kiss on her lips. "Sorry," I say, when I realise I've taken her by surprise. "I couldn't wait until tonight to do that." Her eyes dart around checking for witnesses but she can't hide that goofy smile that spreads across her face. Cute.

"So, what are we doing later?" She asks, as we head out of the locker room.

"I can't tell you," I say with a smirk. "It's a surprise."

"But, how will I know what to wear?" She asks with a pout. I want to kiss it away, but there are people around now. We shouldn't make anything public until we know what's happening ourselves.

"Well, it'll have to be something warm... casual," I confirm.

"Warm?" She asks, sceptically. "We're not going camping are we?"

"I thought you liked camping?" I say, feigning disappointment. She's already told me it's her worst nightmare.

"Careful, Shepherd," she says, shooting me a look that could kill. It's kind of a turn on.

"Relax, it's not camping," I smile back at her, before she stops outside the daycare to say goodbye to Sofia.

...

 _Arizona_  
I stare in the full-length mirror that hangs from one of the walls in my walk-in closet. I haven't done much with my hair. I needed to sleep and I got up too late to do anything more than running a brush through it. My make-up is natural and minimal. And, I'm not entirely convinced this outfit is appropriate for a first date. I feel way too casual in black leggings and a light grey sweater that ends mid-thigh. A few bangles hang about my wrists and I've put simple silver studs into my ears.

And, around my neck... the wedding ring still hangs. I reach up to touch it as I drag my gaze from the mirror to the actual ring. Surely it's not appropriate to wear this tonight. I know she wouldn't mind, but it just doesn't seem fair to flaunt this on our first date. I close my eyes for a few seconds and breathe out heavily. For the first time in five years, I reach around and unhook the chain that supports the ring. I walk to my dresser and pause for a few moments. With tears in my eyes, I place a small kiss on the ring before placing it in a small, protective box. I inhale slowly in an attempt to soothe myself. Come on, Robbins. You're okay.

When I hear the doorbell ring, I jump out of my skin. Suddenly, my sadness turns to excitement. I rush down the stairs, grabbing my purse from the table on the way to the front door. I take a deep breath before opening it. Amelia Shepherd stands before me, clutching a bouquet of pink and white tulips similar to the ones she gave me on the first day we met. She has the most incredible smile spread across her face. She is simply stunning. She has her hair in a side-pony accompanied by gentle curls. Under her dark leather jacket, she wears a lacy black top and blue skinny jeans that cling to her in all the right places. She's a few inches taller than me in the heeled boots she's wearing. Everything about her seems so simple and natural, but breath-taking.

"You look incredible," I manage to get out.

"You don't scrub up too badly yourself," she says with an enticing smile, stepping closer and handing me the flowers. "These are for you," she says, coyly. Her cheeks turn pink at the gesture.

"Amelia Shepherd, are you blushing?"

...

"I've sort of... made our first date venue," she says as we drive towards our destination. "I hope that's okay..."

" _Made_?" I ask, confused.

"You'll see," she says, mysteriously. We start our ascent up a familiar hill and pull up onto the driveway of Derek and Meredith's house. I look at her quizzically. "It's not just the house, I promise," she assures me, sensing my uncertainty.

We get out of the car and she takes one of my hands in hers, leading me towards the other side of the house. When we turn the corner, I see the sweetest scene in front of me. A blanket surrounded by lit candles lies neatly across the lawn, underneath scattered flower petals and a few cushions stolen from Meredith's couch. In the middle sits an ice bucket containing a bottle of my favourite red wine and a bag of salted popcorn. Behind the blanket, a projector stands tall, pointing at one of flat walls, ready to play an old movie. I take the sight in before turning to beam at Amelia.

"I was going to take you to some fancy restaurant, but this felt... better... somehow. More personal..." She explains, bashfully. "I dunno, it's kinda lame..."

"It's perfect," I say, quietly. I step into her body and wrap my arms around her neck. In turn her hands rest at my waist. "It's all so thoughtful... Thank you," I say, sincerely, before kissing her deeply. As I pull back, she smiles that gorgeous smile at me and gestures towards the blanket.

"Shall we?" We walk towards it and as we sit, she begins pouring me a glass of wine. Into her own glass, she pours a sparkling elderflower pressé.

"What are we watching?" I ask as we settle back into the cushions, drinks in hand.

"You'll see," she says, pressing play on the projector. Titles for 'Singin' in the Rain' start to play.

"Great! An hour and a half of you drooling over Gene Kelly," I roll my eyes and she shuffles closer to me.

"Oh, trust me... He is not the one I'm interested in tonight," she says in a low voice. Her intense gaze sends a shiver down my spine. I bite my lip before kissing her once more.

 _Amelia_  
I'm so glad I convinced Maggie and Meredith to get out of the house tonight. This is just perfect. As the movie begins, my date rests her head in the crook of my neck. She gives me a running commentary and after five minutes of non-stop rambling from her, I can't help but laugh. She looks up at me with doe eyes.

"What?" She asks.

"You're cute," I tell her.

"Shut up," she says, playfully hitting me on the arm before snuggling back into me.

I run my fingers through her golden curls and our conversation strays from the film onto pretty much anything else. I really like learning random stuff about her. So far this evening, I've learnt that she hates pumpkin scones and finds sudoku boring despite being a maths buff. She used to be a punk rock fan and has never ever been fired from a job. I've told her that I fall asleep to classical music and admitted that I used a paper fortune teller to help me decide which college to go to. I'm now attempting to wow her with the little French that I know.

"I only speak little bits, anyway," I say, before I embarrass myself any further. "Hey... Do you realise it's been six months to the day since we met in that elevator?"

"Really?" She asks, rhetorically. "God, so much has happened since..." She trails off, her eyes telling me that she's thinking about it all; the fetal surgery fellowship, Herman's tumour, the loss of Kepner's baby, the other plane crash... the beginning of us.

"I know," I whisper, kissing her forehead and bringing her back down to earth. As the movie comes to an end, we're quiet for a few moments.

"Amelia?" Her quiet voice breaks the silence.

"Mmm?" I murmur, completely relaxed. Suddenly, she straddles me and pulls me into a passionate kiss, our tongues dancing around each other. I moan into her mouth and her hips buck. Her lips move to my neck and I throw my head back. My breathing becomes erratic as Arizona's movements make me soaking wet. I want her to touch me so badly that it almost becomes painful. She nips at my earlobe before whispering to me.

"I want you to take me upstairs," she says, seductively. "And, I want you to have your way with me."

I don't think I've ever been this turned on. As we kiss and our hands explore each other, I quickly move Arizona into the house, into my room and throw her onto my bed. I practically leap onto her and kiss her again. I can't get enough of this gorgeous woman. I bring her up to a sitting position in order to get her sweater up and over her head. My jaw drops a little as I look down to see red lacy lingerie. I look back at her face and she gives me a knowing smirk as she settles back into the pillows. She knows how much I want her. My entire vulva is throbbing, longing for her to fuck me. She takes my shirt off but then slows us down a little. She reaches up to touch my cheek and looks at me with gentle eyes. She doesn't want a quick fuck. She wants the intimacy. She wants this night to carry meaning and significance. I kiss her deeply, trying to tell her I want the same thing. I feel her other hand reach around and unhook my bra, throwing it to the side. Never breaking the kiss, her hands travel up my stomach and towards my tits. As her fingers glide across my nipples for the first time I have to catch my breath. Her tongue darts out to wet her lips. When I see the desire on her face, I can't wait any longer. I move my hands to the lining of her pants, and curl my fingers around the material. I'm ready to peel it off her when she grabs at one of my wrists. I feel her tremble.

"Are you alright?" I ask, concerned. She nods and loosens her grip but she's still a little shaky. "It's okay," I say, trying to get my breathing back to normal. "It's only our first date... We don't have to rush... anything." I assure her.

"No, I... I want this... I really want this," she insists, earnestly. "It's just a lot, y'know," she whispers. "It's not just... Callie," she swallows the lump in her throat and looks to me with uncertainty. "I... I haven't been with anyone since... since the crash."

Now I get it. It's not just that she feels like she's betraying her wife... She hasn't had sex since her leg was amputated. There are so many emotional barriers for her to overcome.

"I just wanted you to know..." It's a plea, a bargaining; as though she's saying 'if I give myself to you, please don't leave'. This is a big deal to her. It must be terrifying. I look at her sadly for a moment before peppering her face with light kisses.

"You know I'm not going anywhere, right?" I reassure her, looking deeply into her eyes. She doesn't reply but pulls me into another kiss. My hands return to her pants, this time tracing lines against the material I want gone, as though asking for permission. She lifts her ass up slightly, making it easier for me to take them off. Once I've thrown them in the same direction as my bra, she sits up and begins to take off her prosthetic leg. She can't look at me.

"Sorry," she mumbles. "This is going to be really uncomfortable otherwise." She explains, propping the prosthesis against the bedside table.

"Don't apologise," I say, softly, bringing her into another kiss. She still won't look at me. She's ashamed. I hold her face in my hand, demanding eye contact. "You are beautiful, Arizona Robbins," I say, honestly. "And, incredibly sexy," I say as my eyes run up and down her body. She looks amazing in that lingerie. She's still not convinced, though. How can someone so beautiful have so little confidence in themselves? I unbutton my jeans and guide her hand towards my drenched center. When she comes into contact with the wetness, she moans loudly and her eyes dart to mine. "That's what you do to me," I whisper. Before I know it, she's applying pressure to my clit, rubbing from side-to-side. Her other hand grabs the hair at the nape of my neck and we fall into a steady rhythm. Somehow, I manage to get myself out of the position and get rid of my skinny jeans as elegantly as possible. I grab her wrists and hold her hands above her hand. "Your turn first," I say with an enticing smile. As my lips meet Arizona's, I feel her smile into the kiss. I let go of her wrists, letting her know she has complete control over what happens next. I pull her underwear to one side and begin long, slow strokes against her clit. She breaks our kiss to throw her head into the pillows. Her eyes roll to the back of her head. I continue for a few more minutes, until I'm certain she can't take it any longer. I thrust two fingers into her and she moans loudly as I immediately hit her G-spot. She digs her nails into my back, spurring me on and her body rises and falls against my movements. It's incredible. _She's_ incredible. With each thrust, enchanting sounds escape her mouth. I could orgasm just listening to her. As she gets closer to release, she pulls my body closer. I lean my forehead against hers, giving her the intimacy she needs. I keep my movements slow and steady but hard and accurate. Soon, I feel her walls tighten around my fingers and she screams out in pleasure. Her orgasm face is indescribable. It's beautiful and erotic and makes me feel all kinds of feelings. I continue to watch her as her chest moves quickly, trying to get air back into her lungs.

"Wow," she manages to get out.

Then she gives me that look. The look that says 'I can't wait to give you the orgasm of your life'.


	15. You Make Loving Fun

...  
 **You Make Loving Fun**  
 _I never did believe in the ways of magic, but I'm beginning to wonder why._  
...

 _Arizona_  
The body spooned around me ensures that I'm warm and comfortable and relaxed. The slender arms that are holding me close make me feel safe and protected. I haven't felt like this for a long time. I feel amazing. I mean, who wouldn't waking up in the arms of Amelia Shepherd?

A soft pair of lips caress my neck and with each kiss, a quiet moan falls from my mouth. I turn to smile at Amelia who immediately covers my mouth with her own. She pushes me onto my back and presses her incredible, naked body into mine as her lips move back to my neck. My breathing speeds up and I feel her nipples harden against my own. One of her hands travels down my body towards my vulva. The wetness she finds there takes her by surprise and she inhales sharply. She smiles widely at me before planting a long kiss on my lips. When the kiss ends, she looks me dead in the eye and slides two fingers straight into me. I gasp at the motion and the intensity. She builds up a steady rhythm and my body automatically moves in time with her. As she begins to tease my clit with her thumb, the pleasure is heightened. Soon enough, a powerful orgasm rips its way through me. A gravelly moan echoes around Amelia's room as every part of my body tenses for a few seconds and then relaxes. I keep my eyes lightly closed as I try to regain composed breathing. I feel Amelia kiss my taut nipples before she makes her way along my collar bone and up my neck.

"Good morning," she whispers in my ear. It sends shivers down my spine. This is the best way to wake up.

...

 _Amelia_  
I make my way downstairs in an oversized shirt to start making breakfast, leaving Arizona to get dressed. As I walk into the kitchen, I notice two of the stools around the island counters are already occupied. Oh, crap. Maggie and Meredith are back. Judging by the smell of hangover in the air, they must have gotten in late last night.

"Oh... hey, guys," I greet them, awkwardly.

"Shh, inside voices," Maggie says, rubbing her temples. I laugh as I fire up the coffee machine and search the fridge for something that could resemble breakfast.

"This _is_ my inside voice," I confirm. Ah, we have eggs. I could make Arizona some pancakes. "How was your night?" I ask as I look for a frying pan.

"You'll have to ask someone else because we don't have a clue," Meredith states, dryly. "Fun, I'm assuming. How was yours?"

"Amazing," I say, mixing the pancake batter. "Oh, um... y'know, quiet. Just great to catch up on some sleep." I catch myself out and try to cover my tracks. I haven't told them about Arizona yet. I didn't know if she wanted anyone to know.

"Mhm," Meredith murmurs at my unconvincing fib. "And, how's your... guest?" Meredith asks with a raised eyebrow. "Other than vocal, obviously." The sentence makes me cringe. My sister-in-law has heard me having sex. I guess there's no point hiding it anymore.

"You could hear us?" I ask with a grimace.

" _Hear you_? Amelia, we're going to have to soundproof your room..." Maggie quips with a laugh. At that moment, Arizona enters the kitchen, donning last night's outfit. Her eyes widen when she spots Maggie and Meredith. "Oh... _Good morning_ , Dr Robbins," Maggie says pointedly, turning to me and wiggling her eyebrows. The blonde clears her throat before she replies.

"M-Morning," she says, her face turning all kinds of red. She takes a seat next to Meredith who rests her chin on her hand and give her a smug 'I know what you did last night' look. "What?" She asks, sharply.

"Nothing," Meredith replies, but the look stays plastered on her face. Arizona rolls her eyes as she realises we are in for weeks of relentless teasing from these two. My hand rests reassuringly on her lower back for a moment as I place a cup of coffee in front of her. She smiles at me with sparkling eyes.

"Thanks," she says, before taking the first sip. I turn back to the stove and begin to cook. I'm terrible at cooking, even when it's something as simple as pancakes. I don't know why I thought this was a good idea. As the batter sizzles in the pan, I keep one ear on the conversation between the three women behind me.

"Derek's back this afternoon," Meredith says. "He'll love this," she says, motioning between us with a finger. "You should join us for dinner later," she tells Arizona before frowning in my direction. "Hey, where's _my_ cup of coffee?"

"You know where the machine is," I fire back as I continue cooking. I can almost feel Meredith roll her eyes.

"You should definitely be in a better mood this morning," she says, playfully. "Up until 5am..."

"Shut up!" I say, as though I'm scolding an embarrassing older sister.

"So, what time are we expecting the U-Haul?" Maggie joins in.

"Right," I say, loudly, turning around to face them. "I think it's about time you guys go and sleep that hangover off," I say, ushering them out of the room.

"I need to go and pick up my children anyway," Meredith laughs and waves at Arizona. "See you later, Arizona."

"Goodbye, McDimples!" Maggie says as she heads up to her bedroom. I think she's still a little drunk...

Once they are both out of sight, I spin around, flustered, to face Arizona. An amused look sits on her face.

"I am so sorry, I thought they'd be gone all night," I say, completely mortified.

"It's fine," she chuckles back at my exasperated state. I look at her concerned, hoping that she's not covering up any feelings of anxiety surrounding the situation. "Really!" She says, attempting to put my mind at rest with the sweetest smile. She stands to make another cup of coffee and rests her hands on the counter, at ease in this familiar setting. I move to stand behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist and kissing her shoulder before resting my chin on it. When I feel her lean back into me with a contented sigh, I start to leave a trail of hot kisses up and down her neck. She turns in my arms and cups my face with both hands, brushing her lips against mine and lightly nibbling on my bottom lip. She leaves a couple of feverish pecks lingering on my mouth before she deepens the kiss. Her kisses are beyond magical. Something about them sets my soul alight.

We pull apart to get our breath back, but my arms stay wrapped securely around her waist, keeping our bodies close. Her hands move to rest on my chest and she looks at me with gentle, caring eyes.

"Arizona... Last night was..." I trail off because words fail me. Words can't do last night justice. It was indescribable in the most amazing ways.

"I know," she says, quietly. I feel her smile into our next kiss.

"Amelia..." She whispers, as though she's about to say something profound.

"Mmm?" It's all I manage to get out, eyes still closed.

"Your pancakes are burning." Not where I thought she was going. But, she's right. The smell of smoke fills my nostrils

"Oh!" I better see to them before the smoke alarm goes off!

...

 _Arizona_  
I'm dating... I went on a date; the most thoughtful date imaginable. And, I had sex on that date. Mind-blowing, earth-shattering sex. For the first time in nearly four years, I let someone in. I let someone see the part of me that's been hidden away for so long; a part of me I didn't think would ever resurface. And, it was shared with someone so intelligent and beautiful and caring that I can't help but feel like the luckiest woman on the planet.

Bringing me out of my thoughts, April sits down across the table from me with a huff. The canteen is busy, so I'm the only one who notices her distress.

"What're you so frazzled about?" I ask, nonchalantly.

"I feel like you're the only person around here who doesn't look at me like I'm about to break!" She's frustrated. I get it. People did the same to me after Callie died.

"Yeah, I know that look. That look sucks!" I empathise.

"Urgh, tell me about it!" She says, exasperated. Then, there's a flicker of remembrance on her face and her mood mellows immediately. "Actually, no... Tell me about your date last night."

"Uh, yeah... good. Great, actually..." I stumble, not wanting to give to much away.

"Oh, c'mon, Arizona! If you're not going to tell me who it is you can at least provide me with some juicy details!"

...

Oh, my God, I feel so nervous. Why do I feel nervous? It's not like I'm meeting her mom. This is Derek. I've known Derek for years. He's my friend. We've been through stuff together; good and bad. Birthdays, operations, deaths and more... I was the person they trusted with Zola when she first arrived at the hospital. Not to mention the shooting and the plane crash. A shift in Amelia and I's relationship shouldn't change that. At least I hope it doesn't...

I knock at the door of the Grey-Shepherd household with Sofia in my arms. It's Derek who answers the door with his charming McDreamy smile.

"Ah, my new sister-in-law," he jokes before ushering us inside.

"Oh, ha ha!" I say, sarcastically, rolling my eyes at him as I enter the house. "You've heard then?"

"Are you kidding? It's the first thing Meredith mentioned as I got off the plane," he laughs. "No 'I've missed you', no 'how was your flight?'... just 'your sister is going to marry Arizona Robbins'."

"I think she's getting a little ahead of herself," I say with wide eyes. I watch carefully as my daughter runs to play with Zola in the living room. "How long are you back for?" I ask, quickly changing the subject.

"Just a few days..."

...

 _Amelia_  
Many people arrive at the house to welcome back Derek, but my eyes have been glued to one person all night. No prizes for guessing who. It's so frustrating keeping our distance in front of all these people, especially seeing as half of them already know about us.

As soon as Arizona takes her seat at the table, I make a beeline for the chair next to her. We share a quick smile, unknown to the rest of the group. As we all fall into general conversation, I let my hand wander onto her leg. I drag my fingers up and down her thigh slowly, making her squirm slightly. She subtly kicks me under the table and I smirk at her playfully.

As dinner arrives on the table, everyone takes the time to talk amongst themselves, complimenting Meredith's cooking skills. I use this as an opportunity to flirt with the beautiful woman next to me.

 _Arizona_  
"You look great in blue," Amelia says, referring to the dress I'm wearing. "Although, I must say, I do prefer you in nothing at all."

"Amelia, stop!" I say, warningly. She scrunches her nose up at me endearingly. I can feel my cheeks turning red. I'm not really mad at her... I'm flattered. And, this playfulness she's got in her tonight is fun. I just don't want the pressure of other people knowing about us yet. But, I can't help smiling at her as she laces our finger together under the table.


	16. Hide and Seek

**Hide and Seek**  
 _Spin me around again and rub my eyes. This can't be happening._  
...

 _Arizona_  
It didn't take long for the majority of our friends to find out about my relationship with Amelia. April clocked on to my behaviour during the dinner and guessed straight away. Webber found out a couple of weeks later when he accidentally walked in on a supply closet make-out (that seems to be our spot when in work). Karev mentioned it in casual conversation to Wilson, who in turn scolded him for not letting her know sooner. Bailey and Warren bumped into us during a candle-lit dinner and decided to turn the evening into a double date. Hunt found us snuggled up in an on-call room. That was the most awkward one... He's been very respectful about the whole thing, though.

Now it's out in the open, it just feels like a relief. There's no pressure as I feared there would be and I feel as though we've been accepted by pretty much everyone we care about. It's been two months of total bliss.

Suddenly, Meredith rushes into my office and closes the door behind her. She stands frozen on the opposite side of my desk. I can't read her expression. It's blank... but her eyes are tortured. Something has happened; something big.

"Mer?" I approach my friend, cautiously. She's out of it. I touch her arm gently and her bloodshot eyes meet mine.

"Derek..." She chokes his name out, but her face remains neutral. "Derek is dead."

 _Meredith_  
It's the first time I've said it out loud. It still doesn't feel real. When will this sink in for me? I was there... I watched him slip away. Why won't my mind accept it? He's gone. No matter how many times I tell myself, it doesn't become real for me.

"W-What?" Arizona's voice is low and quiet.

"I need you to tell Amelia," I say, robotically. "She doesn't know. I need you to tell her." I keep it brief. I have to. I turn to leave but I'm stopped when she grabs my arm.

"Meredith... Come with me," she says, gently.

"No," I whisper. I can't look at her. And, I can't tell Derek's sister that he's dead. The thought alone makes me nauseous.

"You need to," she says, hands on my shoulders, forcing me to look at her. "For Amelia and for yourself."

...

 _Arizona_  
Meredith zones in and out of the present as we wait for Amelia to finish up in the OR. I keep a close eye on her. We're leant up against a wall when Amelia walks out with a smile on her face; sign of a successful surgery.

"Hey, pretty girl," she greets me with a kiss, before sensing the tone of the room and noticing the look on Meredith's face. "What's going on?" When she sees my expression her face changes. "Ah... Who died?" I don't really know what I'm going to say, despite going over the words in my head again and again.

"Amelia..."

"I know the face," she says, plainly. "I've been here before. Everyone thinks they are the first person in the world to ever look at a human being like that, but... It's always the same face," she says, with tears in her eyes. "Who is dead?"

"Derek," Meredith says, coldly. "Derek's dead." I look between the two women and swallow the lump in my throat as I think about my friend. But, it's not time for me to be tearful. I need to be strong for both of them. I hold Amelia's hand tightly.

"There was an accident..." I explain, carefully. "He wanted to help..."

"I don't need the details. Dead is dead," she says, letting go of my hand and crossing her arms.

"I'm so sorry," I say, sincerely, taking a step towards her. She steps back, not wanting any contact at all.

"Thank you for telling me," she says, emotionless.

"Amelia..."

"I'm good," she says, walking towards the locker room. "I've done this before, I know the drill."

I move to follow her but I'm stopped by Meredith's hand on my wrist. Her entire body turns limp and she collapses to the floor, unconscious. I call out for help and I see Karev and two nurses rush down the hall to tend to her. When I'm satisfied that she's going to be okay, my mind goes straight back to Amelia.

"Alex... Amelia!" I say, as though he's going to know what that means. My head is all over the place. "I have to..."

"Go, go!" He says, supportively, as he puts Meredith into the recovery position. I run down the corridors, searching for Amelia, but she's nowhere to be found.

...

I knock on the door of the house that Derek built for his family with tears in my eyes. Come on, Amelia. Please open up. When the door does creak open and I can see she's physically okay, I breathe a sigh of relief. She stares at me vacantly. Tears start to fill her own eyes and her mouth twitches to the side before she speaks.

"Derek died," she says, her voice cracking. It comes out as a statement, but she looks at me for confirmation, as though she's questioning whether or not she's right. All I can do is nod my head. Her bottom lip begins to wobble. "He died," she says, her breath becoming erratic. Her body racks with sobs. "I don't want to feel it... I just... I don't think I can." I step into the house and she starts digging around in the pockets of her leather jacket. "I can't, I can't," she says through her sobs. "I can't do this!" She's holding on to something in her pocket. I see the corner. It's a small bag full of white powder.

"Give me the oxy, Amelia," I say, calmly, even though I want to rip it from her.

"I CAN'T... I CAN'T DO THIS," she shouts at me, angrily. I don't take it personally because I know her anger isn't aimed at me. I'm just focussed on the baggy still clutched in her hand.

"Don't destroy everything you've worked so hard for," I plead. "If you take that now, that bag isn't going to be your last."

She's perfectly still for a few moments, letting my words sink in and contemplating her options. She looks at the bag and fiddles with it. Then, with shaky hands, she holds it out for me to take. As soon as it's in my hand, she lets out a heart-breaking scream and falls to her knees. I rush her into an embrace and she clings to me, tumultuous sobs continuing to cascade through her body.

"I know, I know," I empathise, quietly, stroking her hair and keeping her close. I kiss her cheek and her shoulder in an attempt to provide some comfort. From experience, I know she just needs to cry it out. She needs to cry until there are no tears left in her body. And, I'm going to be right here with her, no matter how long that takes.

...

 _Amelia_  
I haven't moved for three days. Grief has taken over entirely; something I wanted to avoid. Arizona has tried to tempt me with all kinds of food but I just feel sick all of the time. All I have done is lie in bed and cry. I've tried to sleep but I can't.

I hear my door open but keep my back turned. I don't have the energy to interact. I'm relieved when I realise it's Arizona. She spoons herself around me and kisses my shoulder without a word. I turn to lie on my back so I can look at her properly. She props her head up on her elbow and looks at me closely, signalling that I have all of her attention.

"How did you cope?" I ask, quietly. "When Tim died... how did you get through it?"

"The same way you are," she says, stroking my hair. "I also ate a lot of donuts."

"Donuts, huh? I could go for a donut..." I say, pensively.

"Yeah?" She asks, beautiful eyes lighting up. "Okay... I'll get the donuts, you get a shower," she says, kissing my forehead. "I'll be back in ten minutes."

...

True to her word, Arizona steps through my bedroom door ten minutes later, arms full of donut boxes. I'm sitting up now, robe on and fresh out of the shower with wet locks pushed back. She smiles as she looks at me.

"You showered," she states, those dimples making it feel like a mini victory. She places three boxes of donuts on the bed and I look at her with a raised eyebrow. "I forgot to ask what kind you wanted, so I just got all of them..." It makes me smirk and she looks at me carefully. "I've missed that smile," she says, taking my cheek in her hand. I lean into the touch and keep the smile but she notices my sorrowful eyes. "It's going to get better. I promise."

"You make things better," I say, sincerely. She smiles back at me but avoids my gaze when her eyes fill with tears.

"There's something I want you to hear," she says, reaching for her phone. She dials her voicemail and puts it on speaker phone, selecting a saved message.

 _ **Hey!**_

I gasp when I hear my brother's voice come from the speaker and Arizona places a hand on my knee to keep me grounded. I stare at the phone, completely dumbfounded.

 _ **I realised after I got on the plane that we didn't really get to talk about you and Amelia with everyone there, and, well... honestly? I think it's great.**_

My heart could burst. Tears sting my eyes as I look at the wonderful woman next to me. I give her the widest smile I've worn in days as we continue to listen to the message.

 _ **She might accidentally mess things up once or twice, but, please... hear her out when she does. She's a good person. The best person, actually.**_

There's no holding them back any more. I let the tears spill down my cheeks. They're happy ones. I am elated that I've been able to hear my brother's voice one last time.

 _ **And, you're good for each other. I can see it already. Listen, when I'm back, I want us to take the kids out more often. Me, you, Meredith, Amelia and Maggie. Just a little adventure here and there. So, yeah... I'll see you soon. Take care.**_

The beep at the end of the message sounds out and I release the breath I didn't realise I'd been holding. Arizona takes one of my hands in both of hers and I squeeze in return, wiping the tears away with my other hand. It was hard to listen to, but amazing. It feels as though a huge weight has been lifted from my chest and I can breathe properly again.

"I got it the day after he left. I remembered about it this morning," she explains, her voice quiet and quivering. "He loved you so much, Amelia," she whispers, letting her own tears fall. I pull her into an embrace and kiss her cheek.

"Thank you," I whisper back. "I needed to hear that."


	17. She's Always a Woman

**She's Always A Woman**  
 _The most she will do is throw shadows at you, but she's always a woman to me._  
...

 _Amelia_  
The funeral came and went in a total blur. I wasn't really present in my mind but I went through the motions and, soon enough, it was over. Derek was gone, and that was it. I've been coming to terms with it. Sometimes I expect to see him stroll through the front door of the house. When I walk into the living room, I often expect to see him playing with the kids. Other times I swear I can feel him close by.

It's harrowing to think I will never see him or talk to him again. But, as Arizona promised, the days get better and easier. Until today, that is.

After the funeral, Meredith fled with the children, leaving only a note. We didn't see her or hear from her for two months. But, now she's back. She's back home and she's back at the hospital. She is everywhere. And, I resent her. I resent her so much. She got to say goodbye to Derek. I didn't. And, now we're alone in the house, I'm about to unleash my frustration.

"You didn't call me," I state, angrily. "I am a neurosurgeon. I could have saved him, and you didn't call me!"

"Amelia, there wasn't anything you could have done. He was too far gone," she says, much more composed than me.

"Bullshit!" I shout. "What if I could have helped him?" My voice begins to waver, but I am completely confident in everything that I'm saying to her. "I pull off miracles for a living. I have proven that I can reverse the impossible. I should have been there!"

"It was too late..." She argues, weakly.

"How could you do it?" I say, much quieter, as my tears begin to flow. "How could you unplug him without letting me know? I didn't get to see him. I didn't get to tell him goodbye."

I can tell my words are hurting her, but I'm too overcome by my own emotions to stop this verbal assault. I know Derek would have wanted me there in his final moments, but I didn't know he was dying. I didn't even know where he was. I couldn't be there because Meredith didn't think about me. I feel like I barely know the woman standing in front of me. Maybe I don't know her at all.

"I thought you would have at least given me the courtesy and the respect when my own brother was dying..." I can't speak any more. I look at the floor and sob. "I didn't get to tell him goodbye... because of you." And, with that accusation out in the open, I rush out of the house and into my car.

...

 _Arizona_  
It's 8:34pm and there's a violent knocking at my door. I quickly jump off the couch to answer it before whoever it is wakes my daughter up. Ready to scold the offensive noise-maker, my mood softens when I open the door to see Amelia Shepherd.

"Amelia, what-" My sentence is cut short when she presses her lips against mine, pulling my body close to her. "Mmm, hey," I say with a wide smile. She doesn't say anything in response. She continues to kiss me, pushing me further into the house and shutting my front door behind her. Before I know it, I'm shoved to the wall, her hands moving all over me. The movements are fast and verging on aggressive. I'm a little uncomfortable. We've had hot, rough sex before... a lot... but, this isn't building up to that. This feels hostile. I don't really have time to respond before her hands start to roam under my shirt. When she grabs my left breast so hard that it actually hurts me, I stop the kiss and place a hand on her chest. "Amelia, wait," I say, trying to get my breath back. This isn't like her. Something's up.

"I need to taste you... to feel you," she says, desperately, pressing a bruise-inducing kiss to my lips. "I need every last inch of you," she says, before painfully sucking at my exposed neck, nails digging into my torso.

"Amelia, stop!" I say, loudly. She pulls back immediately and looks at me like a deer caught in the headlights. She stares at me for a few moments and realisation dawns on her. Suddenly, she's full of remorse.

"I'm sorry," she breathes out. "God, I'm so sorry!" Her head hangs low, ashamed.

"No, it's okay, I'm okay!" I reassure her. "I just want to know what's happened..." It's quiet for a moment or two. Then, I hear soft cries escape her throat. "Come here," I say, quietly, bringing her into an embrace. Her head becomes buried in my shoulder and I begin to run my fingers through her hair soothingly.

"Meredith's back," she mumbles.

"She is?" I ask, surprised. Truth be told, I'm kind of pissed at her. She left Amelia when they needed each other's support. Plus, she took Zola away from Sofia for two months. She needed to go. She needed her time and her space, I get that. I get that more than anyone. But, to leave without so much as a goodbye? A comforting word or two for Amelia? It didn't feel right.

 _Amelia_  
"Yeah, and I... I kinda screamed at her," I admit. "For not giving me the chance to say goodbye to Derek."

"That's understandable," she says, with a kiss to my forehead. She's so accepting. What did I do to deserve this wonderful woman in my life? "Come and sit down," she suggests. We walk into her living room and sit close to each other on the couch. "Do you want a coffee?" She offers. I shake my head and swallow the lump in my throat before I talk to her again.

"Did I hurt you?" I ask, solemnly, scanning her face for honesty.

"No, I'm fine," she smiles reassuringly at me and holds my hand tightly.

"Are you sure?" I'm panicked. The thought of Arizona being in any kind of pain or feeling unsafe because of me makes me feel sick to my stomach.

"I'm sure," she confirms.

"I can't stand the thought of ever hurting you," I say, sincerely.

"You didn't hurt me, Amelia," she says, calmly. "I'm okay, honestly," she says with caring eyes.

"You know I wouldn't, right?" I ask, desperately. "I want to make you happy." She wastes no time in kissing my distress away.

"Amelia Shepherd, you make me _so_ happy!" She says, cupping my face in her hands.

As I gaze into her perfect eyes, my mind begins to run at a thousand miles an hour. Arizona Robbins is probably the sweetest but most badass person I have ever met. She is beautiful and talented and caring. And, really fucking funny... sometimes without meaning to be. And, she's cute. My God, is she cute! And, when she needs to be, she's fierce in all the right ways, as well as being wildly independent. She is perfect.

"What?" She asks, noticing my expression. I want to tell her. I want to tell her all of it. And, I know I want us to be together. Properly together. Is four months too soon to make it 'official'? Maybe not for a regular relationship, but there's a lot riding on this and I don't want to freak her out.

"You're the best," I say with a soft smile, restraining myself from sharing my true feelings. She smiles back and kisses me tenderly.

...

 _Arizona_  
The next morning, I stroll into work as a woman on a mission. I need to talk to Meredith Grey. I'm not sure how it's going to go. Kind of want to shout at her, kind of want to breakdown with her. It's going to be interesting.

Once I've dropped Sofia off at daycare, I rush straight to her office and knock on the door rapidly. I don't even know what words are going to come out of my mouth. Probably curse-y ones... There's no response. I knock again.

"Meredith, it's me," I try. It takes a few moments, but the office door starts to open slowly. She looks exhausted and her eyes are full of overwhelming grief. I know that pain, and I can imagine every emotion that's running through her right now.

"You're back," I state, voice barely above a whisper. All anger dissipates and I'm just so glad to see her again.

"I am," she replies, quietly. We stay silent for a few moments before I rush her into an empathetic hug.

"Where did you go?" I ask, ending the embrace.

"San Diego," she says, without explanation. "I just had to get away. I was suffocating here."

"I know," I say, referring back to my own experience. We share a knowing look before she continues.

"The plan was to go away for a year, but I came back early." She looks a little anxious. "I came back because I need you to be my doctor." What? Why would she need _me_ to be her doctor? Is she...? "I'm pregnant." Oh, God. "And, there's something wrong with the baby."


	18. The Scientist

...

 **The Scientist**  
 _You don't know how lovely you are. I had to find you. Tell you I need you. Tell you I set you apart._  
...

 _Arizona_  
Cold ultrasound jelly hits Meredith's slight bump and she flinches. I can't read her. Her face is stoic. I don't know if she's sad or nervous or terrified.

"So, what makes you think the baby's sick?" I ask, calmly.

"Just a feeling," she says, swallowing hard. "I've got no nausea and there's barely any movement."

"Did you have nausea with Bailey?" I start checking the screen for any abnormalities.

"Yeah, I had _so much_ nausea with Bailey!" She says, grimacing at the memory. I continue to stare at the screen, keeping a sharp eye out for anything that could suggest a sick baby. But, there's nothing. Everything looks completely normal.

"Meredith... The baby is perfect," I say with a relieved smile.

"You're sure?" She sits up, craning her neck to check the monitor herself.

"I'm sure," I reassure her. "Just the right size for 16 weeks. Strong heartbeat. No abnormalities." She releases the breath she's been holding and I squeeze her hand. There must be so much running through her mind. I want to give her a little relief from it all. "You want to know if it's a boy or a girl?" I ask, excitedly. She pauses after the question, contemplating.

"No," she decides. "I want it to be a surprise."

"You're no fun," I pout before I start to clean her up. She smiles at me as she pulls her top back down to cover her protruding stomach.

"Thank you for checking," she says, gratefully.

"Any time," I say, sincerely.

"Don't tell Amelia," she rapidly fires the words at me, out of the blue. "Please... Not yet."

"Hey, it's not my news to tell," I say, calmly, placing a gentle hand on her forearm. "Your secret's safe with me."

...

I've been avoiding Amelia all day. I'm not sure what my face or mouth is going to do when I inevitably bump into her, but I'm petrified of accidentally telling her about Meredith's baby.

I'm putting patient details into one of the computer in the NICU when I feel a pair of familiar arms wrap around my waist from behind. They hug me close as a pair of lips gently kiss my shoulder.

"I missed waking up with you this morning," Amelia whispers in my ear. I turn in her arms to smile at her. She leans in close and whispers again, "and I missed waking you up in my own special way." Her words send a shiver through me and my head starts to float as her teeth nip at my ear lobe. Then, I realise where I am.

"Amelia, not in front of the tiny humans!" I say, slapping her arm lightly. She smirks at me and steps back.

"We'll carry this on later," she promises. "Who's in here today?" She asks, leaning over the incubator with a new occupant.

"This little cutie is Harry," I say, standing next to her. "Born at 28 weeks, 2lbs 3oz," I sigh at his stats. "He's a fighter, though. I've got a good feeling about him."

"Must be so scary when they're that small," Amelia says with her eyebrows knotted together. "Derek sent me pictures of Bailey the day he was born and I remember thinking how small he was. That's nothing compared to this little guy, though." At the mention of her brother, I squeeze her hand and we share a smile. "Have you seen Meredith today?" She asks, quickly.

"Oh, I-uh..." Don't fuck this up, Robbins! "Yeah... earlier. Just to say hi," I lie.

"I'm surprised she took her head out of her own ass long enough to acknowledge you," she says, snarkily.

"Amelia," I say her name gently and take both of her hands. "I know it's hard... but, you should ease up on her a little."

"I'd never talk to her again if it weren't for my niece and nephew," she says, taking her hands out of mine and heading out of the NICU.

"You don't mean that," I say, carefully. She spins around in the doorway to face me.

"Why are you defending her?" She asks, a hint of betrayal lingering in her voice.

"I'm not, it's just..." I try to step closer, but noticing her frown I stop mid-way. "You're both going through a lot... I just don't want you to lose each other in grief."

"I'm not losing anything," she says, stubbornly.

"She's your sister-in-law," I remind her, delicately.

"Yeah, well... not any more she isn't," she says, quietly.

"Amelia..." I approach her, but she holds her hand up, stopping me from coming any closer.

"Look, I don't need this right now," she says in an exasperated tone. "This doesn't even have anything to do with you. Why are you getting so involved?" Her words cut through me and leave a heavy lump in my throat.

"I... I just want to help," I say, voice barely above a whisper. Maybe I am stepping out of line here. But, I just want what's best for her.

"I don't need your help," she growls back at me before rushing away from me.

…

 _Amelia_  
It hasn't been thirty minutes yet and I'm already feeling terribly guilty about arguing with Arizona. Sweet, caring Arizona who just wants all of my pain to go away. I'm horrible. I'm a horrible, horrible person. I told myself I wasn't going to fuck this one up. Yet, here I am, four months later, accusing her of forcing her opinions on me. I know that's not what she's doing. She never would.

I should be on top of the world right now. I've just finished up in the OR, performing my second ever selective dorsal rhizotomy on a 21-year-old patient with cerebral palsy. Despite the odds, it was a complete success. I should be skipping down these hallways, not moping. The problem is, I've just been yelling at the only person I'm excited to talk to about this.

"Dr Shepherd?" a quivering intern says, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"What?" I snap.

"D-Dr Grey wants to see you in her office," he says, quickly, before turning on his heels and heading back to rounds. I sigh, internally. What the hell does Meredith want now?

...

"This needs to be quick, I'm super busy..." I say, storming into Meredith's office. She stares at me, stupidly. I can't stand to look at her right now. I'm still so angry.

"You should sit down," she says.

"I don't have time to sit down," I say, sharply. "What's going on?" She doesn't answer, and my patience is already wearing thin. "Meredith?" Still no answer. This is extremely frustrating. "Meredith, I swear to God-"

"I'm pregnant," she spits out.

... What did she just say? My urgency disappears all of a sudden. I'm not sure I heard that correctly and I need to know what's happening.

"You're what?" I ask in a whisper.

"Pregnant," she confirms. "I'm pregnant." My mouth hangs open as I try to think of something to say.

"How... how far along?" She knows what I'm really asking; 'Is that my brother's baby in there?'

"16 weeks," she says, tears forming in her eyes. "I'm carrying a little Shepherd!" She places her hand on top of the small bump I've suddenly noticed. I feel tears spike my own eyes as I search my head for something to say. Nothing. I am completely speechless.

As though I've forgotten every emotion this woman has put me through since Derek's death, I rush her into a bone-crushing embrace, and let the unshed tears spill down my cheeks.

...

 _Arizona_  
I've come to the end of my shift and I am completely exhausted. As I put my lab coat away, I tilt my neck from side-to-side, releasing a few satisfying clicks. I close the locker and the figure standing behind it makes me jump out of my skin.

"God, Amelia!" I clutch both hands to my chest as though it's going to slow my heart rate down.

"Hey," she says with a perky smile. She's certainly changed her tune.

"Hey," I say, plainly, picking up my bag and slinging it over my shoulder. I still feel a little cautious after this morning's confrontation.

"So, um..." She begins to shuffle her feet, awkwardly. "I...I was awful today. You didn't deserve that,"

"You're going through a lot," I make excuses for her. We head towards the exit together.

"I know, but... I shouldn't have spoken to you like that," she says, before gently taking my arm and turning me to face her. "It was uncalled for... And, actually? I'm really happy that I've got someone like you looking out for me the way that you do." She looks at me with genuine gratefulness and I immediately soften as I feel her take one of my hands in hers. "I've just got a lot of overwhelming feelings right now."

"It's okay, I get it. I get what you're going through," I explain, carefully. "But, I also understand what Meredith's going through, and neither circumstance is easier than the other." Every word is true. They're both going through the most horrendous time. "I just think you need each other right now."

"She told me..." Amelia says, voice barely above a whisper. I think I know what she's talking about, but if I'm wrong this could really screw things up.

"Told you what?"

"That she's pregnant," she confirms. "And that you, very sweetly, took time out of your chaotic day to make sure that my future niece or nephew was safe," she says, stepping closer and placing the softest kiss on my lips. "You're wonderful, you know that?" She asks, before giving me this charming smile that I can't help but replicate.


	19. Slow It Down

**Slow It Down**  
 _The walls - they're closing in with velvet curtains._  
...

 _Arizona_  
I can't believe it. My baby Sofia is four-years-old today. I also can't believe it's been four years since the world lost Calliope Torres. Four years since I lost my beautiful wife. It's always a bittersweet day. I try to stay positive; make it a great day for my little girl. Callie wouldn't want me wallowing, she'd want me celebrating the life of our miracle child.

As I finish putting up the decorations, I catch sight of the picture hanging to the side of me. It's a photograph of our wedding day; our first dance, to be more specific. I can still hear _Morning, Noon and Night_ playing when I look at that picture. I can still feel all the emotions that ran through me as she held me close, staring at me like she was the luckiest woman in the world. She was wrong. I was the lucky one.

A loud banging sound brings me out of my thoughts. That's another balloon gone!

"Honey, be careful!" I call to my daughter. "We need some unpopped balloons for when your friends get here."

"I'm so excited," she says, running into my legs. I struggle to keep myself steady. It's a good job I'm standing next to a table. I use it to straighten myself out. "When do they get here, Mommy?"

"Any minute now, sweetie," I beam at her and crouch down to cuddle her. "Remember to say 'thank you for coming' and for whatever gifts you may get."

"Will you join in with the games, Mommy?" She asks, sweetly, wrapping her scrawny little arms around my neck.

"If you want me to," I say with a smile.

"Will Amelia join in, too?" The question makes my heart feel like it's floating. She absolutely adores Amelia, and it makes me so happy. I haven't told Sofia that we're an item yet, but I'm going to have to soon. She's bright, and I don't want her to figure it out before I've spoken to her about it properly.

"I'm sure she will... if you ask nicely," I reply, kissing her forhead.

The first knock at the door sends my daughter running in elation. She jumps up and down on the spot as she waits to see who's on the other side. As I open it, her happiness only grows when she's greeted by Zola. They hug and jump around excitedly. Meredith follows behind, one hand glued to the ever-growing bump, one hand glued to Bailey.

"Happy Birthday, Sofia," she smiles as my daughter hugs her legs and Bailey. "Maggie's coming through with the gifts." As if on cue, her sister enters with an armful of presents and a bottle in one of her hands.

"I also brought wine," she says, setting the presents down and heading towards the kitchen.

"Maggie, this is a child's birthday party," I laugh.

"I know! That's why I brought wine!" She says, before disappearing.

"There's the birthday girl!" I hear a familiar voice say, cheerily.

"Amelia!" Sofia runs into her arms and is lifted off the ground and into a tight embrace.

"Happy birthday, little one!" She says, enthusiastically.

"I'm not little any more!" Sofia says with a sassy hand on the hip making Amelia smirk.

"Oh, is that right?" She asks. My daughter nods, matter-of-factly. "Well, it's a good job I got these 'big girl' gifts then, isn't it!" She says, handing her a couple of immaculately wrapped items. Sofia runs to the living room with them before rushing back as she remembers something.

"Thank you, Amelia," she says, sweetly. Then, she darts off and Amelia's attention is immediately on me. She walks over to me and wraps her arms around my waist, pulling me close.

"Hey, you," she says, quietly, before placing one gentle kiss on my lips.

"Hey," I whisper back with a smile.

"You two have a good morning?" She asks, tucking a few loose strands of hair behind my ears.

"Yeah, it was sweet," I reply. "She's been so happy from the moment she woke up."

"And, how have you been?" She asks with concern in her eyes.

"Fine," I say with a reassuring smile.

"You sure?" I definitely haven't convinced her, but nod in response and squeeze her hands before letting them go.

"I better get the music on so the kids are occupied until everyone else gets here," I say, trying to change the subject. She smiles back at me and follows me through to the garden where the party is set up. I crouch down to fiddle with the iPod and speakers.

"Arizona?" She says, quietly.

"Mmm?" I respond, not taking my eyes away from the iPod screen.

She places a soft kiss on my temple and says: "You look pretty today."

...

Pass the parcel - Check. Pin the horn on the unicorn - Check. Musical statues - Check. Gift opening - Check. Ten kids fed - Check. I think I'm allowed a glass of wine now!

"Don't forget the cake!" Kepner says, as though she knows what I'm thinking about.

"Oh, God, the cake!" I say as I quickly retrieve it from the fridge and search for the birthday candles. "Jackson working today?" I ask, casually, with my head in the cupboards.

"Uh, no..." she replies awkwardly. "We kind of had a huge fight this morning."

"You did?" I ask, my brow furrowing.

"I want to travel," she begins to explain. "I need to get away and... I need to do it alone," she says. "Not forever, just for a few months... He's not happy about it."

"What are you going to do?" I ask, carefully, so she knows that I won't judge her either way.

"I don't know," she whispers. Her eyes move to the floor and I hear her sniff.

"Hey," I wrap my arms around her shoulders and squeeze her tight. "It's Sofia's birthday. No one's allowed to be sad today, okay?" She looks up at my with shining sympathetic eyes and nods her head. She blinks the tears away and takes a deep breath. "You wanna carry the cake?" I ask, trying to add a little light-heartedness to the situation. She chuckles at me.

"Yeah, I really do," she says, humouring me. I light the candles quickly and hand it to her. We make our way into the living room where everyone seems to have congregated. I switch out the light before Kepner brings the cake through and as I start to sing, the rest of the room joins in.

...

Success! Sofia is tucked up in bed after a very exciting birthday, her friends (and mine) have gone home happy, full and tired, and Amelia is helping me with the mountain of dishes left in the party's aftermath. She's good like that.

"You throw a great party," she says.

"I throw _the best_ parties," I say, putting the final dish on the draining board. "Thank God that's done!"

"Wanna watch crappy TV and snuggle on the couch?" She asks, with an endearing eyebrow wiggle. That sounds like absolute heaven right now.

"Urgh! Yes!" I reply. She kisses me gently before making her way through to the living room. I give the counters a quick wipe down and pick my phone up. I see a text from April. The message reads: _"Thought you might like this. Very cute."_ And, there's a picture attached.

The subjects of the photo are Sofia, Amelia and I. We are sat around the coffee table. It looks like it was taken right after Sofia blew her candles out. She is on my knee with a handful of birthday cake, part of which she's just smushed onto Amelia's nose. Sofia is laughing hysterically and Amelia's mouth is open wide with mock surprise. The grin on my face is spread from ear to ear as I look admiringly at Amelia.

We look happy, naturally so. And, it's because we are. She makes me so unbelievably happy.

I stare at the picture for a few more moments and my joy soon turns to guilt when I realise that Callie never got to experience one of Sofia's birthdays.

...

 _Amelia_  
Arizona has been quiet for a long time. Her head rests on my shoulder as her mind wanders. It's not hard to guess what she's thinking about. Non-verbally, I soothe her as much as I can; a kiss to the forehead, slow carresses down her back, a gentle smile when she needs it.

"I wonder if she's asleep..." she says, absent-mindedly.

"Want me to go check on her?" I offer.

"No," she says, quickly. "I'll do it." She starts to shimmy off my shoulder and sits up to rub her tired eyes.

"I don't mind, honestly," I say, placing a hand on her lower back.

"I said I'll do it!" She snaps, getting up from the couch.

"What's wrong?" I ask. Stupid question, really. I know exactly what's wrong.

"Nothing," she replies, bluntly, heading towards the stairs. I follow her over.

"Arizona," I keep my voice hushed but try to get her attention.

"You're not her mom!" She shouts, her face full of aggravation. The statement shocks me. My brow furrows as I try to figure out what's made her say that. We're both very still.

"I-I'm not trying to be..." I say, utterly confused. After a few seconds, her face changes. Her features soften and she looks at me, apologetically.

"I'm sorry, I..." her voice is quiet now. "Amelia, I can't do this," she sobs out. "I... I thought I was ready," she cries. "I'm not... I can't... I..." Her breathing is erratic and her tears are coming thick and fast.

"Hey," I whisper, holding her at arms-length. "Take some deep breaths," I instruct. She breathes the air in and out of her lungs, purposefully. When she's calmer, she buries her head in my shoulder. One of my hands tangles in her hair and the other strokes up and down her back. "Are you okay?" I ask, quietly. She nods into me. The next question takes a little more courage. I'm scared of the answer. "Do you really want to stop seeing me?" I ask with a lump in my throat.

She shakes her head and replies with a muffled: "No."

I sigh in relief and lean out of the embrace to pepper her face with light kisses. Eventually, her tears turn into a smile. Her eyes dart from mine to something behind me. I turn my head to see what she's looking at. It's a picture of Callie smiling perfectly. I look back to Arizona and her eyes dart around the floor. I place a hand on her soft cheek and her eyes meet mine once more.

"I'm not trying to replace her," I assure her.

"I know," she whispers. "I'm sorry..." She says, again. "This isn't fair. You shouldn't have to comfort me over this..."

"And, _you_ shouldn't be worrying about me when you're feeling like this," I say, genuinely. She moves to sit on the bottom step and I sit next to her. She smiles at me before leaning her body into my side. I wrap a protective arm around her.

"Don't let me push you away," she says, desperately. "Tell me when I'm being stupid."

"You're not being stupid, you're being human," I tell her.

"You're so good to me," she says, looking at me meaningfully. "I don't deserve you."

"Wait until we've been together for _another_ six months... You might think differently," I say, trying to lighten the mood. But, she doesn't laugh. She stares at me thoughtfully, blinking intermittently.

"Are we? ... Together?" She asks, catching me off guard. "Like... together-together?"

"Um... well, I like to think so," I say with a crooked smile. "But, I guess that's up to you..."

Then, she gives me this look. A look that tells me she's in total agreement. She smirks at me and says: "I like to think so, too."


	20. Good Together

**Good Together**  
 _You're on my mind, all the time. We are not wasting this 'cause, you and I, we're good together._  
...

 _Amelia_  
Arizona Robbins is my girlfriend. _My girlfriend_! It feels extremely surreal. Waking up in her bed like this makes me feel like I've won the lottery. Especially when she's lying naked next to me.

She's on her back, breathing steadily and still sleeping soundly. She looks so peaceful when she's asleep. I feel calm just looking at her. She must be having a good dream because there's a hint of a smile lingering on her face. I prop myself up using my elbow to get a better look at her. She's ethereal-looking. Her long blonde hair falls perfectly over her pillow and her skin has this gorgeous, natural glow. As I let my fingers glide up and down one of her toned arms, I can't help but grin like the cat who got the cream. I'm so lucky.

"Amelia," she whispers, eyes still closed.

"Mmm?" I say, absent-mindedly, still admiring every perfect feature of her face.

"Stop watching me sleep," she says, nonchalantly.

"I'm your _girlfriend_ ," I say, pointedly, enjoying the way the sentence rolls off my tongue. "I'm allowed to watch you sleep."

She looks at me through one open eye and smirks, before rolling to face me. She looks incredible; like she's been given a new lease of life. Those eyes. Those dimples. After a year of knowing her, she still gives me butterflies. Probably more so now than she did back then. I lean down and place slow, deep kisses on her lips, before leaning my forehead against hers.

"Urgh, I just want to stay here all day," I groan when I realise I have to go to work soon. I move my head to look at the clock and snuggle back down on top of Arizona's body when I see that I've got about three minutes left until I absolutely _have_ to get up. "What are you doing with your day off?" I ask her.

"Just having some quiet time," she replies, her fingertips wandering up and down my biceps. "Me and the small person are definitely in need of a pyjama day after yesterday," she says. Then she pauses and looks at me, thoughtfully. "I'm going to tell her about us today," she says with a smile.

"You are?" I ask, my eyebrows shooting to my hairline. This is serious. I mean, I knew we were serious. But, telling Sofia? That's next-level serious. I'm okay with this, of course. I'm just surprised Arizona is, too.

"You think it's a good idea?" She asks, bringing me out of my thoughts. It's a loaded question. It's an 'Are you sure about us?' question. I know she wouldn't tell Sofia about us if we both weren't fully on board with our relationship being a long-term thing.

"I really do," I say, giving her my best smile. She bites her bottom lip, trying to suppress her own smile. It doesn't work. She wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me down into a passionate kiss.

And, now my stupid alarm is going off. Time for me to drag myself to work. I manage to peel myself away from my girlfriend, and, with a final kiss, say: "We'll continue this later."

…

 _Arizona_  
Sofia is still asleep when I enter her room. It's 8:30... she never sleeps in this late. She must be exhausted.

"Up you get, sleepyhead!" I say, gently, as I plonk myself down on her bed. I stroke her long, jet black hair and she murmurs a little. When her big, brown eyes finally open, she looks at me with a sweet smile, but stays quiet. "You still tired, Little Goose?" She nods her head slowly and reaches up for a cuddle. "Oh, honey," I scoop her up in my arms. "We're going to change into some fresh PJs and spend all day on the couch, okay?"

...

 _Amelia_  
I'm ready for a new day and about to set off on rounds with five residents when my phone buzzes. It's Arizona. She's sent me a picture. Her and Sofia are snuggled up on the couch. Arizona has a messy bun sitting atop her head and Sofia has a fresh French braid running through her hair. She's snuggled into her mother's shoulder, looking at something beyond the cell phone camera, a vacant expression on her face. She still looks tired after her birthday party. Arizona's favourite blanket is draped over them both. She's kissing the top of her daughter's head. The message that accompanies the image reads: _We miss you x_.

I can't help but beam at the picture, and type back: _Can't wait to see you both later x_.

With this stupid smile still plastered over my face, I shove my phone into my pocket and head towards the corridor. When I find my residents, I begin to talk them through how our day's going to look and what I need them to be doing. I talk fast and the decent ones keep up.

"Dr Shepherd," I hear a familiar voice call me. Bailey is walking towards me with a doctor I don't recognise. A pale woman whose red hair is pulled back into a low ponytail. The light blue scrubs tell me she's a resident, but I've never seen her before. "This is our new resident transfer. She'll be with this group today."

"Hi, Amelia Shepherd, Head of Neuro," I say, shaking her hand quickly.

"Penny Blake," she responds, just as speedily. She can see I'm busy. She joins the group as I continue to explain to these residents how their every move will affect the lives of our patients.

...

 _Arizona_  
After a few hours of relaxation, my little human is back to her usual bouncy self. I must admit, I did enjoy the quiet cuddles while we watched movies on the couch. She rarely sits still for more than a few minutes these days. We're back in normal clothes and I'm kind of disappointed I haven't managed to get a full pyjama day out of her. PJs are cosy.

"Mommy, can we go to the park?" She asks.

"Sure, sweetie," I say with a smile. "You wanna take your new bike?"

"Yes, yes, yes!" She says, excitedly. "Can Zola and Amelia come, too?"

"Amelia's in work today, honey," I explain.

"Oh..." She pouts.

"Hey, Sof... Come sit here for a second," I say, patting the couch. Maybe now is the best time to tell her. Just rip the band aid off. She jumps next to me and sits still, looking at me attentively. "Listen... you know Mommy's been spending lots of time with Amelia?" She nods her head, looking at me sweetly. "And... you like Amelia, right?"

"Amelia's my best friend," she says, innocently. Then her face changes as she thinks deeply. "And Zola. Zola and Amelia are my best friends." God, she is the sweetest child. Her comment makes me smile widely. The fact that Amelia is on the same level as Zola? That's a big deal in Sofia's world.

"Well, that's good news, because... because..." Suddenly, I feel incredibly nervous. I take a deep breath and say: "Amelia is Mommy's girlfriend."

"She is?" She asks, with a confused tilt of the head. I nod mutely, hoping she's processing the information properly. "Do you do kissing?"

"Sometimes," I say with a laugh.

"And cuddles?"

"Yep, lots of cuddles," I confirm. Then, she stops to think. I can almost hear the cogs in her head turning.

"Jo lives at Uncle Alex's house," she begins. "Will Amelia live at our house?"

"Oh... I... uh..." Her question takes me by surprise. I'm amazed that a four-year-old has been able to make that link. She's so bright. "Not yet."

"Is she my new mommy?" The words bring a stabbing pain to my chest. I knew it was coming, but it's impossible to prepare for.

"No, honey," I croak out, before pushing my feelings to one side. I clear my throat and explain the next part to her clearly: "You'll only ever have two mommies, okay? Me and Mama, that's it."

"Mama's in heaven," she says, naively.

"That's right, baby," I say, quietly. I smile at her, trying to get rid of the tears that spike my eyes. "She's watching over you."

"Does she like Amelia?" She asks, softly.

Now, that is a question I wasn't expecting... I imagine Callie would find Amelia quite volatile, but that's because Callie always liked stability. Maybe a little too much. Having said that, they'd have a lot in common, too. Both sarcastic as hell, outgoing and brilliant. But, I guess the most important thing they would share is their love for my perfect little girl.

"You know what? I really think she does."


	21. Secret Smile

**Secret Smile**  
 _You've got a secret smile and you use it only for me._  
...

 _Arizona_  
I'm standing at the arrivals gate of Sea-Tac Airport, waiting for my best friend to get off the plane. April left with Hunt three months ago to be a doctor in the army. Avery refuses to look at her, refuses to speak to her. So, I'm the one who's here to greet her. She deserves to have someone here. Anyone who goes over there to protect us or to save lives is a hero in my eyes.

I hope she's okay. Teddy tells me about all kinds of shit she sees when working with the army. Though April is stronger than she appears, there's still an innocence to her. I hope the warzone hasn't taken that away from her.

It's not long before I see her bounding towards me, huge smile on her face. She rushes me into an embrace and I'm suddenly overcome with emotion. The last time someone I loved came back from a war, it was in a coffin. I've been scared for three months that something terrible could happen to April or Owen. I'm still scared every day that something could happen to Teddy.

"I missed you so much!" I say, blinking back tears. "Where's Hunt?"

"Oh, I've left him at baggage claim," she explains. "I hate all that waiting around. Come on, let's go and get coffee!" She says, dragging me towards the nearest Starbucks.

We sit at a table with our macchiatos, a black coffee to the side waiting for Hunt. She tells me about all the soldiers she was able to save, avoiding stories about the ones she inevitably couldn't. I look at her in awe as she tells me all of it. It gives me hope that my brother spent his final moments with someone as compassionate as April Kepner.

"Robbins," a gruff voice says, bringing my attention away from one redhead to another. Owen Hunt stands next to me with three hefty bags. He gives me a charming sideways smirk and I smile back at him, widely. I stand up to greet him with a tight hug. After a few quiet moments, he clears his throat and asks, "This mine?" He picks up the coffee and slurps it down, hastily. "God, that's good!"

We gather the bags and head towards the exit, laughing and joking all the way to the parking lot. I try to catch them up a little with what's been going on at the hospital. Then, realisation dawns on me. We have a bag each, but I haven't travelled. Whose luggage is this?

"Hey, why do you guys have three bags?" And, that's when I notice her; a familiar woman with dirty blonde hair, standing next to my car and smirking at me. My other best friend. "Teddy!" I exclaim in excitement, throwing the bag down and running to her. "Oh, my God, hi!" I rush her into a long-overdue embrace. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, it's good to see you, too!" She jokes, leaning out of the embrace, but holding my shaking arms steady. "They brought me back," she says, gesturing to April and Owen.

They're back. They're okay. And, it's completely overwhelming. I can't stop myself from bursting into tears.

"Okay, I wasn't supposed to make you cry," she jokes with tears in her own eyes.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry... It's just... it's a relief," I say, looking between my three friends. "You're all here... You're all safe," I whisper. Rogue tears roll down Teddy's cheeks before she pulls me into another protective hug which I immediately reciprocate. April places her hand on one of mine, and I grasp it tightly; as though she'll leave again if I let go. Owen puts a comforting hand on my back and moves his thumb up and down in an attempt to soothe me.

I'm beyond elated that they're here, of course I am. But, I don't think I've ever missed my brother more.

...

 _Arizona_  
I drive April and Owen back to their homes, but Teddy comes with me. She's going to stop at my place until she sorts out her own. We've just opened a bottle of wine and we're sat on the couch, gossiping about work.

"There's just something about her, and I can't put my finger on it, but I really don't like her!" I say, complaining about the newest resident.

"You can't just randomly hate on a resident, Arizona!" She says, smirking at me.

"I know, but... She's just... annoying. And, kinda useless," I say, bluntly.

"Where did she transfer from?" Teddy asks.

"I have no idea," I say, breezily. "But, I wish we could send her back!"

Suddenly, I hear Amelia's knock at my door and I jump up to get let her in. She's just picked Sofia up from day care for me. I can't wait for Teddy to meet them both.

 _Amelia_  
When the door opens, Sofia and I are greeted by my favourite smile.

"Hi, sweet girl," she says to her daughter, bending down to greet her with a kiss and a cuddle before turning her attention to me. "Hi, beautiful," she says, kissing me gently. "There's someone I want you to meet," she says, before rushing us both into the living room. "This is Teddy," she says, gesturing towards the tall, blonde woman who's stood up to greet us. "Teddy, Amelia."

"Oh, so you're the famous Teddy," I say with a smile. I hold my hand out and she takes it immediately. "Good to finally meet you."

"You, too," she replies with genuine enthusiasm. Then, she turns to the little girl standing next to her mother. "Hi, Sofia!" She says, crouching down to her level. "God, I haven't seen her since she was like... what? Five, six months?" She says, looking to Arizona for confirmation.

"I growed," Sofia interjects, making all three of us smile at her, admiringly.

"You _did_ grow," Teddy says with a laugh.

"Will you read me a book?" Sofia asks with a sweet tilt of the head, no nervousness present in her voice.

"Um... sure," Teddy replies, taken aback by the confidence of the four-year-old. Sofia smiles widely and skips through to her playroom in search of a story. I know from experience she'll be gone a while, trying to pick out the perfect book. The tall woman stands and smirks at Arizona. "Well, she's certainly inherited your perkiness!"

"I know. Awesome, right?" Arizona replies with a wink. "You want a drink, honey?" She asks me. She must have noticed the dark circles under my eyes after a long shift.

"Coffee would be great," I say, plonking myself down on the couch.

"Refill, Teds?" She asks as her friend takes a seat in the armchair to the right.

"Have you ever known me turn down wine?"

"I'll just bring the bottle through!" She quips before heading to the kitchen.

As we're left alone, Teddy and I share an awkward smile. I try and search my head for something to say, but I'm way too tired to come up with any small talk. Fortunately, she starts the conversation.

"Arizona was just telling me about some annoying resident at the hospital," she explains.

"Oh, yeah, Blake," I scoff. I always feel like it's such a waste of time trying to teach her anything at all. "She's no good."

"What does Meredith think of her?" She inquires with intrigue in her voice.

"Mer hasn't met her," I tell her. "She was already on maternity leave when she arrived. She was convinced the baby was going to come early."

"How long does she have left?" She asks.

"About three weeks..."

We fall into easy conversation, and it's not too hard to see why this woman is one of Arizona's closest friends. They have the same glass-half-full outlook on life and carry a kindness that makes you feel as though you've known them for years.

Soon, Arizona returns and steals my attention. She seems to do that every time she walks into the same room as me. She hands a fresh glass of wine to Teddy and places the bottle on the table before handing me a cup of coffee and sitting close to me on the couch. She's closely followed by Sofia who's carrying one of her favourite books.

 _Teddy_  
As I read _The Gruffalo_ to Sofia, she sits on my lap and points out all her favourite parts of the story. She's such a sweet kid. She's obviously heard the tale a million times before, but she waits patiently for me to read each page. I glance across to shoot Arizona a look that says 'I love this kid!' but she doesn't notice. She's completely lost in the woman next to her. Amelia's arm is wrapped around her shoulders and she's hanging on my best friend's every word. They look at each other intently as they hold quiet conversations. Then, Arizona gives her this smile. It's the same smile she used to give Callie. It's the smile that inadvertently comes out when she's around the person that completes her. The way Amelia stares back at her is undeniable; she's in love with her. Head over heels in love. I turn my attention back to Sofia who's got a cheeky grin on her face.

"They love each other," she whispers to me. This kid is smart, too!

"I think you're right," I reply with a smile, before continuing our story.

...

 _Arizona_  
I'm so happy to have Teddy back. The evening has been filled with stories and laughter and reminiscing. Sofia has really taken a shine to her, and has dragged her away to play at every opportunity. My little girl is now resting her head on my lap. She's super tired. I've allowed her to stay up an hour later than usual and it's starting to show.

"Little Miss, it is way past your bedtime," I say, running my hand through her long, dark locks. "Go say 'goodnight' and 'thank you' to Teddy."

"Goodnight, Teddy. Thanks for playing with me," she says, sweetly. Somehow, this child manages to make my heart melt every day.

"Thank _you_ for letting me play your games. They were really fun," Teddy says, scooping my daughter up into a hug. When Sofia's feet touch the floor again, she makes a beeline for my girlfriend.

"Amelia, can you read me a story in bed?" She asks with puppy dog eyes.

"Of course," Amelia says, immediately. Sofia has that woman wrapped around her little finger! "It'll have to be a super quick one because you look very tired."

"I'm not tired!" She protests. "Goodnight, mommy," she says, bouncing into my arms as if to prove her point, and snuggling into my shoulder. "I love you."

"I love you, Little Goose," I say, quietly. "Sweet dreams," I say, kissing her forehead. "Thanks," I say to Amelia with a smile. She places a short, soft kiss on my lips and takes hold of my daughter's hand. My eyes follow them as they walk out of the living room together. A completely serene feeling washes over me, watching the way my girls interact with each other.

"That little girl is so much like you!" Teddy says with an adoring smile.

"I know, she's great, right?" I gloat, jokingly.

"And, Amelia? She seems pretty in love with the both of you," she says, casually. Her words make me choke on my wine.

"Love's a big word, Teddy," I state.

"You haven't said it yet?" She asks with a frown.

"No! It's too soon..." I begin to make excuses, but she's quick to cut me off.

"Oh, please, Arizona! It's so obvious. I've seen the way that girl looks at you... And, the way you look at her, for that matter!" She points out. "How long have you guys been together now?"

"Officially? Three months," I tell her.

"Don't give me that 'officially' bullcrap. How long have you guys been dating?" She says, smirking at me.

"About nine months," I say, shrugging my shoulders as though it's a rough estimation.

"Uh huh..." Teddy's smug smile stays on her lips. "And, how long have you known her?"

"Uh... a year and... three months," I reply.

"A year and three months is _more_ than enough time to fall in love with someone," the hopeless romantic says. I roll my eyes at her. "You know I'm right..."

"It's a little more complicated than that," I say, a tinge of sadness coming through in my tone. She moves to sit next to me, and takes one of my hands in hers.

"It doesn't have to be," she says, gently.

"Teddy," I warn her with one word that I'm not ready for this conversation.

"I'm just saying..." She states, holding her hands up in defence. She's always looking out for me. We share a knowing smile before Amelia's voice turns our heads.

"Arizona..." Her voice is quiet and low. When I look at her, I notice she's as pale as a ghost, and her eyes are wide with panic. She's clutching her cell in one of her shaking hands.

"Honey, what's wrong?" I rush to her and hold her hands steady.

"N-Nothing," she stammers. "Meredith's gone into labour."


	22. One Day Like This

**One Day Like This**  
 _What made me behave that way? Using words I never say. I can only think it must be love..._  
...

 _Arizona_  
I've left Teddy in charge of Sofia. Hopefully, she doesn't wake up and Teddy can just spend the night relaxing. It's kind of a weird situation to be thrown into on the first night you return from a warzone. I drive rapidly towards Grey Sloan with Amelia shaking in the passenger seat.

"It's too early," she says, staring straight ahead, concern stamped across her face.

"Three weeks," I say calmly, taking her hand and squeezing it. "Hey... That's nothing. The baby's going to be fine," I try to reassure her. She nods in agreement, but it's obvious that she's still extremely nervous.

We arrive at the hospital in record time, and run to greet Alex.

"Where is she?" I ask, as we burst through the doors.

"4236," he reels off the memorised number. "She's okay," he says reassuringly, as all three of us rush towards the elevator. "I'm told it's all going very smoothly, but the baby's nearly here."

The elevator dings, opening its doors and we speed down the corridors. We stop as I get to my turning. I look at Amelia who's still in total shock.

"You go on ahead, I'll be there as soon as I can," I say, kissing her on the cheek and rushing to change into my scrubs. "Look after them," I whisper to Alex on the way past.

 _Amelia_  
I take a deep breath and gather my thoughts before entering Meredith's room. I need to be completely calm before I go in there. I look at Alex for guidance and he gestures for me to go in. We enter and see Meredith, completely relaxed.

"Hey," I say, sitting at her bedside. "How are you feeling?"

"So far, so good," she says with a smile.

It's not long before Arizona appears in her scrubs and lab coat, with a surgical gown which she hangs up on standby.

"How we doing, mama?" She asks Meredith with enthusiasm.

"No, Robbins! No perkiness!" She shuts down Arizona's high-spirited demeanour immediately. Arizona pouts and it's enough to make me smirk. She's so cute. "You want Entonox?" She asks Meredith, quickly.

"God, yes!" Meredith says, exasperated. " _Finally_!"

...

 _Arizona_  
About a half hour later, Meredith is ten centimeters dilated and pushing. She's incredibly strong. There's no screaming or shouting from her. She's simply breathing out through the pain. From the latest push, she's crowning. The baby is about to be with us.

Shit, shit, shit. The umbilical cord... it's wrapped around the baby's neck. We need to get this child out now. Don't change your face, Robbins. You've got to act like everything's normal. Don't add any pressure to Meredith.

"Meredith, you're doing amazing... Just one last big push, you can do this," I encourage her. "Chin down to your chest, and push. Hard." She does as I instruct and, slowly but surely, the baby is here. I keep two fingers hooked underneath the umbilical cord the entire time, making sure the movements don't cause the baby any harm. Quickly, I unravel the cord and a nurse cuts it and hands me a towel. No cry yet. Come on, Baby Shepherd.

 _Amelia_  
I watch the tiny life in Arizona's arms with baited breath. There's no sound. Barely any movement.

"It's a girl!" Arizona says with a smiling mouth but panic in her eyes. She wipes amniotic fluid away from the baby's face. "Listen, Mer, she just needs a little help with her first breath, okay?" Too tired to argue, Meredith nods her head and looks at me. I push my own fear aside, and take her hand.

"She's going to be fine," I say with a reassuring smile.

I look back over to Arizona who's doing everything in her power to get my niece to take her first breath. After what feels like hours, but is literally seconds, the most wonderful cry fills the room. The biggest smile breaks across Arizona's face. She is actually Wonder Woman. Meredith breaks down in tears, relieved. I hold my sister-in-law tightly as Arizona wraps the newborn up in clean blankets.

"She's beautiful but _super loud_!" Arizona mock-shouts over the baby she's cradling. Soon enough, she brings her over to Meredith who holds the baby close to her body. The baby soon settles in the arms of her mother. Arizona places a hand on Meredith's shoulder. "Congratulations. She's perfect."

Neither me nor Meredith can tear our eyes away from the baby. I see Derek in her already. My eyes swell with confused tears; both happy and sad. I am so in love with my new niece, already. But, it shouldn't be me sat here, it should be my brother.

...

I'm sitting in Arizona's office whilst I wait for Mer and the baby to have their final checks. Hopefully, they can come home today.

Ellis Robbin Shepherd has been named after two great women; Meredith's mother, Ellis Grey, and the magnificent woman that delivered her and saved her life, Arizona Robbins.

"Congratulations, Aunt Amy," I hear Arizona's voice as she strides towards me. She looks much cleaner now she's free of all blood and fluid and gunk-stuff. She's back in the skinny jeans and oversized sweater she arrived in. I stand up and cover her face in quick kisses, making her giggle.

"Thank you for getting her here safely," I say, sincerely.

"Just doing my job," she shrugs, brushing off the compliment. She's so modest. I tuck her hair behind her ears and study her flawless face. She is beautiful... even after delivering a baby all night. She is wonderful, and smart, and strong, and caring...

And, she is _everything_ to me.

"You're perfect, you know that?" I say, gazing at her with admiration.

"Oh, I am far from perfect," she starts to protest. "I can't cook. I have no concept of geography. I lose track of time... I have one freakin' leg, Amelia!" She jests, causing us both to laugh. "I curse too much... I _smoke_ too much! I have _no_ sense of direction. I..." I cut her tired rambling off by pressing my lips to hers. The kiss soon becomes deeper and I hold her close as her hands become tangled in my hair. I break the kiss and allow one of my hands to cup her face, my thumb grazing over her cheekbone. I smile at her contently, getting completely lost in her perfect blue eyes.

Tell her. Just tell her.

"I love you, Arizona Robbins."


	23. Warm on a Cold Night

...  
 **Warm on a Cold Night**  
 _Like a rabbit in headlights, they're stunned by all your charm. And, I feel so damn lucky to have you on my arm._  
...

 _April_  
Jackson and I have been separated for three months. He was a total jerk from the moment I came back from the Middle East. I get it, he was angry. But, some of the things he said... That's the kind of stuff you can't take back.

I've been staying at a room in Arizona's house. Teddy's still there and Amelia comes by most nights, too. It's nice. We've become kind of like a family unit. Of course, I'd rather be in the house with my husband, but the environment these women have created really cushions the blow of having my old life ripped away from me. Helping take care of Sofia is also a good distraction.

This morning, I was served with divorce papers. At work. He had his lawyer deliver them to me in my place of work! I feel humiliated and betrayed and heartbroken. My only solace is knowing that I have three strong women to come home to and help me get through it.

...

 _Arizona_  
Sofia is in bed and Teddy and April are still at the hospital. Amelia and I are finally by ourselves for some much needed alone time. I didn't realise how much I missed our impulsive make out sessions. I can't stop smiling into the incredible kisses she's stealing from me. I try to push her into a lying position on the couch but she pushes back, running a hand up my thigh and under my sundress, pulling me closer with the other hand. She squeezes the crease between my thigh and my hip and digs her nails into my back. A whimper escapes my throat as my desire grows stronger and stronger. Without breaking the kiss, I unbutton her blouse and let one of my hands travel up her toned stomach to massage her left breast. Her nipple becomes erect under my touch and I move my lips to her delicate neck. Her breaths are hot and heavy as I lick and nip at her sensitive areas.

"Arizona..." My name falls off her tongue and it drives me wild. I launch back into another passionate kiss as my hands claw at her strong shoulders.

When we hear the front door slam, we pull apart and try to get our breath back. Who the hell is that? I run a hand through my loose hair and Amelia rushes to do the buttons on her shirt back up. Faces full of colour, we lean back on the sofa and try to regain normal breathing as we hear angry footsteps stomping towards us.

"He's divorcing me!" April says, slamming a beefy document down on the table. She's completely unaware of what she's interrupted. "The jerk's divorcing me!" She has heartbreak stamped across her face.

"Um... I'll go make you guys some coffee," Amelia says, squeezing my knee before standing. I smile at her gratefully and April takes the seat to the other side of me.

"What happened?" I ask, turning my attention to the redhead.

"His lawyer gave them to me just as I was about to go into the OR," she says, tearily. "He mentioned divorce, but I... I didn't think he'd actually go through with it," she says, her body starting to rack with sobs. I run a soothing hand up and down her back.

"Okay, well... these are just for you to review, right? Before you do the official signing?" I ask. She sniffs and nods her head. "Do you want to read over this together? Or, alone?" I offer, gesturing to the papers. "Or, do you want to talk to him about this first?"

"Looks like he's made up his mind. I don't think there'd be much point," she says, leaning her tired body into me. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and give her a comforting squeeze.

Amelia walks back into the living room, grasping two coffee cups. She hands one to April who sits up and receives one of the cups, appreciatively. "Thank you, Amelia," she says with another sniff. My girlfriend places a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Can I get you anything else?" She asks, thoughtfully.

"No, I'm okay... Thanks, though," April replies with a weak smile.

Amelia hands me the other coffee and says, "I'm going to go check on the little one." She leaves a quick peck on my lips and I smile at her in return, mouthing a 'Thank you' at her. She winks at me before she heads towards the stairs. I sigh longingly as she exits the room before turning my attention back to my distraught friend.

"You want something stronger than coffee?" I suggest. She smirks back at me.

"No, thanks," she whispers.

"You've just been served with divorce papers and you don't want to drink?" I joke. "What are you, pregnant?"

"Um... yeah," she says, awkwardly. "According to the test I took this morning... I am, actually."

Holy shit.

...

Poor April. She's so conflicted. It's 12:03am and we've just come to the end of a long talk. She seems a lot calmer now, but I know it will be a sleepless night for her. Regardless of how much comfort I can provide or words of wisdom I have for her, it doesn't get past the fact that she's staying in one of my spare rooms instead of sharing a bed with her husband.

The pregnancy is terrifying her, too. I can't even imagine what she's feeling right now. Not just because she's away from the baby's father, but because of what she went through with Samuel, too.

If I wasn't so tired I'd stay up with her all night. But, I'm completely exhausted. And, I have to be up in under six hours to get ready for a big day at work. I can't wait to crawl into bed next to Amelia. As I open my bedroom door, I see the sweetest sight before me. Amelia is propped up against the pillows, a few picture books strewn to the side of her. On her lap, my sleeping daughter rests her head, the rest of her body sprawled out across my side of the bed. Soothingly, Amelia runs a hand through her long, dark locks, watching over her protectively. When she hears the door creak open, she lifts her head to smile at me. In this moment, my heart could explode.

"She woke up when April came in," she explains. "She fell asleep before the end of the second book."

My smile grows wider as I walk towards my beautiful girlfriend. I lean down to place a quick peck on her lips, before crouching down to look at Sofia. Her slumber is so peaceful. I cup her little cheek and run my thumb down it, before grabbing Amelia's hand. She's so great with my daughter. Suddenly, I'm filled with overwhelming emotion. My chest tightens dramatically and I feel my eyes start to water. I don't know if it's my extreme tiredness, or the conversation I've just had with April, or the fact that I haven't said 'I love you' back... But, something inside me is terrified to lose this woman. My heart is screaming at me to tell her how I feel; _YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HER, YOU IDIOT! TELL HER, TELL HER, TELL HER!_

"Amelia," I whisper in an attempt to grab her attention.

"Mmm?" She mumbles, half-asleep but still watching over my little girl.

"I love you," I whisper, honestly. This revelation seems to shock her fully awake. It's been a year since we started dating and it's the first time I've said it. For a few moments, she looks at me with wide eyes, as though she can't believe what I've just said.

"Do... do you really?" She asks, shakily.

I don't often see this vulnerable side of her and I want to do everything I can to reassure her. I sit on the edge of the bed next to her and place a slow, gentle kiss on her lips. As it comes to an end, I look deeply into her eyes and smile at her.

"I really do," I say, truthfully. "I'm going to put her back to bed," I say, motioning to Sofia. "And, then... I'm going to show you _how much_ I love you," I say with a suggestive smirk. She bites her bottom lip and kisses me once more before I move to lift my daughter and take her through to her own room.

 _Amelia_  
She loves me. She loves me! Arizona Robbins loves me! This feeling is indescribable.

When I told her how I felt three months ago, I wasn't expecting her to say it back. I wasn't even expecting her to _feel_ it. I just needed her to know how I felt. Since that day, I've told her the same thing; don't rush your feelings, I'll still be here when you're ready. I meant it. And, she knew I meant it, I could tell. So, for her to say it out loud... she must really feel it.

When she comes back into the room, I can't take my eyes off her. I am the luckiest woman in the world. Without a word, she stalks over to the bed and crashes her lips against mine, pushing me into the pillows. Soon enough, she deepens the kiss and the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. She settles in between my legs and her hands run up and down my body as though she's exploring it for the very first time. My own hands grasp her hips and I pull her closer to me. As our centers connect, a moan makes its way past my lips. I feel her smile into our kiss and she moves her lips to my neck as she starts to roll her hips into me. I move my hands to her toned ass and with every hip roll, I whimper a little. My breathing has become completely erratic and my nipples are as hard as rocks. She is the sexiest woman on this planet.

When her lips move to the sensitive spot behind my ear, I feel my desire start to pool in my underwear. I'm desperate for her to touch me. She nips at my lobe, before whispering, "I love you," into my ear.

Every nerve in my body wakes up to worship her.

"I love you, too," I say, wrapping my arms around her middle and pulling her as close as possible. I want to touch every inch of her.

She whips my strappy vest up and over my head, and, in turn, I pull her sundress off. She starts to kiss down my stomach and my hips buck, my clit throbbing for her touch. She takes my underwear off with ease and leaves a trail of hot kisses down the inside of my thigh. As her face becomes buried in my drenched cunt, I throw my head back and bite down on my wrist so I don't moan too loudly. God, that mouth... When I look down, I'm met with big, blue eyes staring at me while her tongue works its magic. I don't know which is more erotic, the slick movements against my clit or that intensely passionate look she's giving me. Either way, I'm about to come. My head falls back on the bed and my lover holds my hips in place as she speeds up her movements. Soon, the most incredible orgasm washes over me, and I turn my head to scream into the pillow.

My heart tries to beat its way out of my chest as I get my breathing back. The gorgeous woman who's responsible for my trembling legs and floating head crawls back up my body and kisses my face gently as I come back down to earth.

"That's... that's how much you love me, huh?" I ask with a smirk, still trying to get my breathing back to normal. That was probably one of the best orgasms I've ever had.

"Oh..." she grabs my attention with one word, eyes full of desire. My eyes glaze over as she uses her middle finger to stroke my slick folds. "I'm not finished, yet..."


	24. Run

...  
 **Run**  
 _Have heart, my dear. We're bound to be afraid. Even if it's just for a few days, making up for all this mess._  
...

 _April_  
It's been two weeks since I told Arizona that I'm pregnant and she has been waiting on me hand and foot ever since. Teddy and Amelia quickly found out, too. It's impossible to hide a pregnancy when you're living in the same house as someone.

Today is the day I tell Jackson. I'm so nervous. It's taken a lot for me to build up this courage. There's so much pressure on this pregnancy, and I don't know if Jackson knowing will relieve some of the stress or amplify it. But, I know I have to do the right thing. I need to tell him because he's the father, and the father should know.

I walk passed one of the labs, and see him standing, staring at something intensely. I enter the room quickly, focussed solely on the news I have to deliver.

"Jackson, can we..."

"Why is _she_ telling me this?" He cuts me off immediately, gesturing towards someone I didn't realise was in the room; Arizona.

"W-What?" Tell me this isn't what I think. She has not told Jackson I'm pregnant!

"You're pregnant?!"

She has! What the fuck is she doing?! I look between the two of them and panic sets in. I turn around and rush through the door to prepare for my next surgery.

"April, I'm sorry!" I hear behind me. Arizona is trying to catch up to me. "I'm so, so sorry. I thought..."

"I don't really give a crap what you thought," I snap, refusing to slow down to talk to her.

"Listen, I was with you before. I lived through that with you, with Jackson..." Is she serious? _She_ lived through it? "And, I just was trying to help somehow. I mean, this time it could be different."

"I'm sorry, _you_ were there? _You_ lived through that?" I shout, angrily. "Um, no! No, Arizona. That was me and it was Jackson. _We_ lived that nightmare!"

"You're right, I know. You're right," she says, quietly.

"And, I refuse to live it again," I say, talking over the top of her. "And, you know what? It _is_ different this time because I am choosing to have faith in a good outcome for this baby until God himself tells me otherwise." I scream at her, pointing to the sky. I head towards the elevator, rejecting any opportunity she has to defend herself. "I will deal with this myself, the way I want to... _When_ I want to."

"I know. I'm sorry April, I thought..."

"Don't... Don't think about me," I cut her off. "Don't talk to me. Don't even look at me, okay?" I say, heading into the elevator. "And, I believe in this stuff... so, understand how much I mean it when I tell you, 'Go to hell!'"

That's shut her up. She looks at me like a wounded puppy. If I weren't so pissed, I'd almost feel sorry for her.

...

 _Amelia_  
I'm getting ready to leave for the night when my girlfriend drags herself into the attendings' lounge. She has trouble keeping eye contact with me, knowing that I've probably already heard about the day's events. She tries to hide her anguished expression with a weak smile. I half-heartedly smile back at her, a little pissed. Not only because she revealed April's secret, but because she's putting her entire career, her entire life's work, at risk. She could have been fired today.

"You had a tough day?" I half-ask, removing my lab coat. I don't really need to ask. Even if I hadn't heard about her argument with April, her expression tells me everything I need to know.

"You heard, too?" She asks, slumping into an armchair.

"I think everybody's heard by now," I say, indifferently.

"Right..." she says, quietly. "I don't know what to do..." She says, looking to me for advice with her big doe eyes. "I have to make it right somehow. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix it."

"You did something indefensible," I say, not offering much help. The sentence fills her eyes with tears and I immediately regret it.

"Right..." She says again, as though she's trying to get her thoughts in order. "So, maybe, um..." her voice is shaky this time, and it softens my heart. I'm a complete fool for this woman. "Maybe, I go to her again and apologise-"

"The only thing that you can do right now is accept that what you did was wrong," I cut her off, sitting on the coffee table in front of her. She stares at me, listening intently. "And, the only thing you can do to fix it is to wait," I sigh out. "Give it time... And, maybe April will forgive you. Or, maybe she won't..." I tell her, truthfully. "But, it's not up to you," I finish, gently.

"I was just trying to help," she says, croakily. "Jackson told me he was seeing other people, and... my brain just freaked out on me, and... it-it came out of my mouth before I could stop it!" She rambles. "Do you think she'll forgive me?" She asks, tearfully.

"I do," I say, softly. "Just give it time."

She bows her head and, in this moment, she looks completely defeated. I roll my eyes at my own inability to stay mad at her and take her hands in mine.

"Are you going home now?" I ask. She shakes her head in response.

"I'm on-call," she whispers with a sniff. Oh, God. Please don't cry.

"Well, how about we find a free on-call room and you can sleep this off? Face tomorrow with a fresh mind?" I suggest.

"You're not mad at me?" She looks up, revealing the few tears that have managed to escape.

"I'm a little mad at you," I say honestly, wiping her tears away with my thumb. "Unfortunately, I can't stay that mad because I love you very much, and I can't stand to see you so sad!" This earns me a short laugh and a quick glimpse of the most wonderful dimples. "What do you say? Up for some on-call room cuddling?"

"I can't think of anything I'd rather do right now," she says, looking at me with tired but appreciative eyes. I lean forwards and kiss her gently, trying to reassure her that everything will be okay.

...

 _Arizona_  
A week has passed since April has spoken to me, which doesn't sound like a massive amount of time, but when you're living in the same house, it's blaringly obvious.

It's a slow day today. I'm in my office, catching up on paperwork, when my redheaded friend bursts through the door. She looks at me but doesn't say anything. Then, she begins to pace up and down in front of my desk. My head follows her. I feel like I'm watching a game of tennis.

"Um... Everything okay?" I ask, confused as to what she's doing.

"I think Jackson's gonna sue me," she blurts out. "For custody... full custody... Once the baby's born." What the hell? He can't do that! I don't think I've ever seen April so angry. She's shaking with rage. "His mother, she is... awful. I overheard her saying it. And, I just wanna... I... I am..." she stammers, trying to verbalise her thought process. "I am so mad. I am _furious_! I feel like my skin is on fire!" She rants.

"Oh, my God," I say, shocked by the news.

"Sorry, I know I'm ranting, but I don't have anyone to talk to and-"

"No!" I interrupt. "You need to talk to me!" I insist. "I'm here, for whatever you need," I promise. "Because, we're friends. Rant away. And, then... we'll think about what to do."

"I already thought of what to do," she says. I notice a change in her face. It's not anger in her features any more, but determination. "I'm not gonna be the victim. He can't do this. I won't let him."

That doesn't sound good. It sounds as though she's throwing down the gauntlet.

"April, what did you do?"


	25. Hunger

...

 **Hunger**  
 _You make a fool of death with your beauty, and, for a moment, I forget to worry._  
...

 _Arizona_  
Currently, I'm sitting with April in her lawyer's office, wondering if any of this is actually necessary. Surely, Jackson wouldn't stoop so low as to take her child away from her. Having said that, the breakdown in communication between the two of them could mean anything. Last week, she served her ex-husband with a restraining order. No contact with her and, subsequently, no access to the baby. But, she's so unbearably sad. It just seems to me like April's having second thoughts about this whole debacle.

"The restraining order was a mistake!" She says, in the middle of the heated conversation with the lawyer who's sitting on the opposite side of the desk to us. "Can't we just take it back?"

"I'm serious, here. Do not try to talk to him," the other woman warns, firmly. "The restraining order needs to stand. We have to do this together. Okay?"

"This is exactly what I was trying to avoid," she says, more to me than the lawyer. "After everything that happened with Samuel, I just... I just want to keep this baby safe," she says, tearfully.

"Good, see," the lawyer says, bringing our attention back to her. "You felt your baby was in danger. That's great. _That_ , we can use!"

April sighs out, woefully, and I take her hand as a show of support. She looks at me, yearning for advice that I don't have to give.

...

 _Amelia_  
I'm walking to my next consult when I feel the back of a clipboard come into contact with my ass. It's in the playful hands of Arizona, who's wearing a perky grin. She has her hair scraped back in two French braids today, making her look extra cute.

"And, hello to you," I respond with a smirk. "You're extra perky today," I say as she links her arm through mine.

"Luca gets to go home today," she beams excitedly at the mention of her latest success story; a little boy born at thirty two weeks with all manner of breathing and heart difficulties who's been in the hospital for the past six weeks.

"You're a miracle worker, Arizona Robbins," I say, proudly. "Hey... How did it go with the lawyer this morning?" I say, as the topic pops into my head.

"Okay... I think," she says with a confused frown. "I don't know, really. April seems kinda..."

"Conflicted?"

"Yeah..." she says, worriedly.

"It'll all work out in the end," I say with a reassuring smile.

"What will?" Meredith's voice startles me as she begins walking alongside us.

"Hey, you're back!" My girlfriend says with the sweetest smile.

"I am," Meredith says, happily. "And, I am _itching_ to get back in that OR."

"Well, take it easy while you can. Your next week looks _busy_ ," Arizona says, motioning to the schedule that's open on Meredith's tablet. Two short beeps coming from her pager interrupt our conversation. "I have to run... Good to have you back, Mer."

"Hey, get back here," I say, taking her arm and spinning her around, placing a gentle kiss on her lips. "See you tonight."

"I can't wait," she says, with my favourite smile. As she turns and rushes towards the paediatric ward, I can't tear my eyes away from her. She's just incredible.

"God, you're still so loved up," Meredith brings me out of my daydreaming with a voice and face full of disgust.

"Of course, I am... Have you met that woman?"

"What's tonight?" She asks with an eyeroll.

"Well, I've been trying to get reservations at this place she loves for weeks, and I've finally been able to get us a table," I explain. Meredith simply smirks at me. "What?"

"You gonna propose?" She jokes.

"Oh, shut up!" I say, shoving her with my elbow.

"Dr Shepherd, these are Mr Walker's CT results," Blake says, handing me a chart. She's getting a little less useless under our guidance.

"Thank you, Penny," I say with a smile.

" _You_?" Meredith's one word is full of venom and all the colour is drained from Blake's face. "Why is _she_ here?" She asks me, eyes never leaving the redhead.

"Dr Blake transferred to the hospital while you were on maternity leave," I explain, confused as hell. "I take it you two know each other?"

They continue to stare at each other. Penny looks as though she's seen a ghost, but Meredith looks hurt and angry.

"Ask her where she transferred from," Meredith says through gritted teeth.

"Dr Grey..." Penny interjects, eyes full of tears.

"TELL HER WHERE YOU TRANSFERRED FROM," Meredith screams at her. A silence falls throughout the entire corridor.

"Dillard," she whispers. My skin starts to crawl at the name. Dillard Medical Centre; the place Derek died. Surely, she can't have known him...

Meredith turns her attention to me, tears in her own eyes. Then she utters the words that send unforgettable, stabbing chills down my spine: "Penny killed your brother."

...

"You can not keep her here, Bailey!" I shout across the boardroom table. The department heads sit around the table, each one paying close attention to the argument that's unfolding in front of them. Meredith hasn't uttered two words since she identified Blake as Derek's murderer.

"Hey, what's going on?" Arizona asks, walking into the room, still in her scrubs. "I got a page..."

"Blake was Derek's doctor," Hunt explains, briefly. Her eyebrows shoot to her hairline before she looks between Meredith and I, and then back to Bailey.

"Oh, then she can't stay here," Arizona says, decidedly. That's my girl.

"We can't just transfer an intern for personal reasons," Avery argues, practically. I know he's right, of course, but in this moment I don't like him for it.

"Okay, then look at it this way..." Arizona begins as she takes a seat next to me, keeping her eyes fixed on him. "Every single attending surgeon in this hospital loved and respected Derek Shepherd." The passion in her voice brings a lump to my throat. Just when I thought I couldn't love her any more than I already do, she proves me wrong. She is beautiful inside and out, always. "When the others find out that Blake was his doctor..."

"They won't find out," Bailey says, sternly.

"They will, Bailey!" She argues back. "You know they will! Things spread like wildfire around this hospital. And, when they do, not one of them is going to want her on their service. Not one of them is going to put in the effort to help her reach her full potential. We would be doing her... a disservice, or... whatever!" She's saying the words, but she doesn't believe them. She's just helping us find a way to get rid of Blake. Bailey sighs out, contemplating her options. "She needs to go, and you know it."

"I need time to think this through," she says, quietly. She turns to Meredith and I, looking at us with sympathy. "I'll have an answer for you by the end of the week."

...

 _Arizona_  
I knock on Amelia's door at seven, wearing my LBD and black stilettos, hair in loose curls. Our reservation isn't until eight-thirty, but I want to make sure that she's okay and that she actually wants to go out after today's events. When she answers the door, she's wrapped in a white cotton towel that stops just above her knee, her soaking wet hair clinging to her back. God, she is stunning.

"You are _super_ early!" She smirks at me, but lets me inside anyway.

"I know, I'm sorry... I needed to know that you were alright," I say, taking her hand.

"I'm fine... I am, I just... I'm kind of weirded out," she says, honestly. "For months and months, we trained this doctor, not knowing who she was, or what she did..." she trails off, something else taking her attention. "You look beautiful, by the way."

I can't stop the huge grin that spreads across my face. I lean in to kiss her and she wraps her arms around me, pulling me as close as she can. Before I know it, her lips have moved to my neck and my eyes roll to the back of my head.

"You smell incredible," she whispers, noticing my new perfume.

"Uh huh..." I say, unable to verbalise much else. Suddenly, she stops and pulls back.

"I've got you all wet," she says, noticing the damp patches she's left on my stomach and shoulder.

"That's a little presumptuous," I say with a raised eyebrow and a self-satisfied smile.

"Not what I meant, Robbins," she laughs. "I better get ready..."

"We can do it another night... if you want to," I say, sincerely.

"No... No, I'm not going to let that bitch ruin this for us," she says, determinedly. "Plus, you look far too good to stay in," she compliments me with a suggestive smirk. "We're gonna go out and have a fancy dinner... And, I'm going to get you tipsy enough that you'll laugh at all my stupid jokes," she resolves. I laugh and kiss her once more, approving greatly of her plan. She's dealt with this incredibly and I couldn't be more proud of her.

"Sounds perfect," I reply.

"Come talk to me while I get ready," she demands, dragging me up the stairs.

"I'm not sure there'll be much talking if you're going to be in that towel the whole time..."


	26. Make You Feel My Love

**Make You Feel My Love**  
 _I've known it from the moment that we met... No doubt in my mind where you belong._  
...

 _Arizona_  
I'm propped up against the railing of the bridge that runs through the hospital, staring mindlessly through the massive windows at the storm that's raging wildly outside. Amelia's presence next to me brings me out of my daydreaming. She mirrors my position, leaning casually on the railing, contemplating the storm also.

"I wish we were listening to this from your bed," she says, leaning into me. "Naked and snuggled up," she adds. I turn my head to smirk at her.

"Sounds like heaven," I reply, huskily. Our faces are inches apart. Her eyes dart to my mouth. Her tongue slips out momentarily to wet her lips before smiling at me and motioning for us to walk.

"You busy today?" She asks as we amble towards neuro.

"Like you wouldn't believe," I say, thinking about the workload across paediatric and fetal surgery this week. "I _really_ haven't got time to stand around watching the rain," I say with a frown. She's quiet. When I look at her, she's wearing this impish smile that I haven't seen too often. "What?" I ask, confused.

"You're very cute, Dr Robbins," she says, before kissing my cheek. "I'll see you later."

"See you later," I say, fondly watching her as she turns the corner. When I know I'm out of her sight, I lose my smile and speed towards Miranda Bailey's office. I rush through the door and interrupt her paperwork. "Have you decided yet?"

"Good morning to you too, Dr Robbins," she says, sarcastically. "Decided what?"

"Whether or not Blake stays," I say, abruptly.

"She doesn't have to decide..." Penny's quiet voice makes my head spin. She enters the office and slides a document in front of Bailey, looking at her, tearfully.

"What is this?" Bailey asks, abruptly.

"I'm transferring to a hospital in New York," Penny says with a shrug of the shoulders. "I just need your signature." Miranda looks at Penny, then me, scolding me with her eyes.

"Dr Blake, I'm going to look through this properly and we'll talk at the end of the day," Bailey says, a hint of sympathy lingering in her eyes. Blake nods her head in response and exits the office. When I turn back to Miranda, she looks pissed.

"You better go and do some damage control, right now," Bailey says, sternly. I turn on my heel and rush after the redhead.

"Penny, wait..." I call after her. She turns to face me, listening intently to whatever it is I'm about to say. "Listen, I..." I sigh out, not really knowing what to say. "I know it might not seem like it... but, I am thinking about your career, as well. This just isn't the right environment for you to learn in."

"Dr Robbins, I understand," she says with a weak smile. "He was your friend. He was your girlfriend's brother. And, I guess that's all people can see when they look at me." I open and close my mouth a couple of times but I don't really know what to say. She's right. Around here, she'll always be the doctor who didn't save Derek. "Thank you for letting me observe fetal surgery," she says, genuinely grateful. "You're really great at what you do." She turns and rushes to catch up with the other interns who are passing by on rounds. I sigh out as she leaves me with an overwhelming sense of guilt in the pit of my stomach.

...

At about 3pm, April wanders into the NICU, beaming at the five babies I'm constantly monitoring this week. The small bump under her scrubs is becoming more and more apparent. I'm so excited for her. She finally gets to be a mom.

"Hey," I smile at her with one of the babies, Joshua, in my arms. He hates not being held, so I've spent a lot of my time today with him and his feeding tube in one arm, and treating my other tiny patients with the other hand.

"Hey," she smiles back. "So, I have good news..."

"What is it?" I say, intrigued.

"I've spoken to Jackson a lot," she says, happily. "And, I've dropped the restraining order."

"Oh, that is good news!" I say, enthused. I look down at Joshua and see that he's fallen asleep already. I put him back into the incubator and turn my full attention on April.

"And, I'm going to move back in with him."

"Is that what you want?" I ask, cautiously. "I mean, right away?"

"I think so..." she says, evenly. "We're not getting back together. We just think it'll be easier if we're living in the same place when the baby gets here," she explains. "But, you know, the sad thing is that we're not going to be roomies any more."

"Right! I didn't think about that..." I say, my face dropping in realisation. "Oh! We're going to miss you!" I say, rushing my friend into a tight hug. "Can you take Teddy with you, too?" I ask, jokingly. April laughs as we end our embrace.

"Thank you for everything," she says, quietly.

"Any time," I reply, honestly.

...

 _Amelia_  
How is this fair? How is it that Blake gets to stroll around this hospital like she's done nothing wrong? How is it she's allowed to sit, and laugh and joke, and have lunch with the other interns? I stare daggers at her from across the canteen, carelessly moving my food around my plate. My thoughts are interrupted by someone stealing my fork and, subsequently, a mouthful of my lunch.

"Oh, that is _good_ ," Arizona says, her cheeks full of cottage pie. "You should probably eat some of it," she says, sitting herself opposite me with a grin.

"Why is she _still_ here?" I say, not taking my eyes off Blake. My girlfriend turns around to see who I'm glaring at.

"Actually, she's not going to be for too much longer," she says, quietly. This brings my attention to the beautiful blonde in front of me, curious as to what she knows. "She's transferring to New York. I was in Bailey's office when she gave her the paperwork."

"Good," I sigh out, relieved. "I can't wait for her to be gone. I haven't been able to concentrate on anything properly all week."

She takes my hand and gives me that knowing look. By the look in her eyes, I know she's already reading my mind, fully aware that I don't want to go into specifics. She's the only person in the world who can read me this well. She smiles at me and changes the subject.

"Hey, so... April's moving back in with Jackson," she says, taking my water and sipping through the straw.

"She is?" I ask, rhetorically. "That's great news!"

"I know! I'm really happy for her," she replies with a smile. "And, Teddy's found a few places that she's going to view next week."

"So, you and Sofia are going to get your home to yourselves again soon," I say.

"Yeah..." she trails off. "I've been thinking about that... Might be a little lonely just the two of us..." She starts to fidget. It's that fidget she gets when she's feeling nervous. "So, um... well... you know how you're still at Meredith's?"

"Yeeeah..." Where is she going with this?

"Well, uh... I was wondering... if it's not too soon... well, um..." Her cheeks have turned pink and she's struggling to hold eye contact with me. "That... maybe... if you wanted to... you could put all your stuff in my house... and... you know... stay there most night."

"Arizona..."

"Mmm?" She mumbles with wide eyes.

"Are you asking me to move in with you?" I ask with a smirk.

"I'm trying to..." She says with an awkward grimace.

"And, are you asking me to move in with you because you _want_ to live with me... or because you don't want to be lonely?" I ask, seriously.

"Well... because... because," she takes a deep breath in an attempt to control her stammering. "Because I love you... and Sofia loves you. And, we're both happiest when you're with us," She says with honesty in her eyes. "And, because I think we make you happy, too." Her last sentence makes my smile spread across my face.

"Hmm... You do make me happy..." I say, as I pretend to weigh up my options.

"So... is that a 'yes'?" She asks, hopefully.

"That is a 'hell yes', Arizona Robbins," I say with a toothy smile and a kiss for my beautiful girlfriend.


	27. Romantic Type

**Romantic Type**  
 _It's not that I'm not the romantic type. It's just that I like what I choose to like._  
...

 _Amelia_  
It's been two months since we decided to live together, and moving day has finally arrived! April's back at Jackson's, and Teddy's now living in a cute little townhouse that's about five minutes away from Arizona's home. Which, from today, is my home, too.

I park my car on the drive next to hers, and see her standing at the front door, ready to greet me. She looks super excited and I can't help but find it completely adorable. I smile as I get out of my car and walk towards her.

"Hey, roomie," she says, showing me those perfect dimples. I wrap the beautiful woman up in my arms and press my lips to hers, firmly. When we break apart, she starts to look for something. "Where's your moving van?"

"Oh, I don't need one," I explain. "I really don't have that much stuff... It's all in here," I say, tapping the near-empty BMW.

"Wow, this is going to be the easiest moving day ever!" She says with glee.

...

 _Arizona_  
Amelia and I bring in the last two boxes and place them in the middle of the hallway with the others. She was right, there really isn't that much here! A couple of the boxes are labelled 'clothes', some have 'books' and 'music' written on them, and one is filled with 'valuables'. The one I'm most eager to help her unpack is 'crap from med school'.

A little tired from lugging my girlfriend's belongings around, I lean against a sturdy tower of boxes. Amelia places a hand on her hip and wipes the sweat from her brow with the back of her hand.

"Those are the last ones," she confirms. "All of my shit is officially in your house, Robbins." She says, closing the gap between us and kissing me, quickly. I beam back at her, excited for our next chapter together.

"Where should we start?" I ask, looking at the piled up boxes.

"The kitchen," Amelia says, starting to run her lips along my neck.

"You don't have any kitchen stuff," I state, confused. She pulls back and looks at me with a suggestive smirk.

"I wasn't talking about unpacking," she says, seductively. I nearly collapse at the statement. "I want us to start in the kitchen..." Her fingertips begin to run up and down my torso. "Then move to the living room..." She says, nipping at my ear lobe, letting her hands wander into my yoga pants. "And, I'm not going to stop..." A breath catches in my throat as she cups my centre through my underwear. "Until I've had you in every room of this house..."

I love moving day.

...

Before I know it, I'm in my underwear and being lifted onto the marble counters in my kitchen. Our movements are quick, urgent; like we've never touched each other before. We ignore everything that gets knocked to the floor as our hands explore every part of exposed skin possible. Amelia is standing between my open legs, kissing me sharply. It's fast and it's dirty. It's emergency sex. We need each other... _now_! I rip her shirt from her body and throw it across the room. She presses herself into me and my desire pools in my underwear. There's no way she can't feel it. I'm drenched. She kisses down my tits and stomach, getting tantalisingly close to my clit. Through my underwear, she presses her tongue to the sensitive area and I can't control myself any longer.

"Amelia... p-please," I manage to get out in between laboured breaths.

"Please, what?" She says, coming back up to kiss my neck. Her hands wander about my hips and I buck into her, desperate to feel her skin against mine.

"Fuck me," I beg, clutching to her shoulders. "Fuck me hard."

Upon hearing my request, she moans into my neck before quickly moving to tear away my black panties. I grab the edge of the counter and rest on my elbows, bracing myself for the earth-shattering sex I know we're about to have. She takes a moment to slow down, sliding her hand past my cheek into the hair at the nape of my neck and looking deeply into my eyes. She kisses me passionately before tugging my head backwards and suddenly plunging two fingers into me. My cries of pleasure only spur her on as she drives her talented fingers into me rhythmically.

With one hand still skilfully working my G-spot, she wraps her other arm around me and moves us to the kitchen island, forcing me onto my back. The cold marble hits my skin and she slows the penetration down. She lowers her upper body on top of mine and whispers in my ear, "Turn around". My eyes roll to the back of my head in anticipation of the pleasure I know is about to course through my body. I do as I'm told, and find myself bent over the island, my girlfriend still deep inside me. She builds the rhythm back up, thrusting hard and fast as lips and teeth attempt to cover every inch of my neck, shoulders and back. My moans are even louder now, and Amelia lets her own guttural sounds escape her lips. I can't wait to feel how wet she is.

As I get incredibly close to my orgasm, I feel her hand glide up my side and grab my neck underneath my chin. She squeezes, partially blocking my airway and the pleasure intensifies. I'm practically screaming now. With one final thrust, my entire body tenses and I come hard. Probably harder than ever before. My heart feels as though it's going to beat through my chest. As I bring myself back to earth, my body loosens up and I try and to regain a regular breathing pattern. It's impossible for my to move as Amelia leaves a trail of hot kisses up my back. She kisses the spot behind my ear that she knows drives me crazy.

"Ready for the next room?" She whispers, voice thick with desire.

With all the strength I have in me, I roll onto my back and pull her down on top of me. Her eyes are dark, only one thing on her mind.

"Not quite," I whisper back, trying my own seduction. My hand slides smoothly into her underwear and a gasp escapes my throat when I feel her soaked center. "It's time for _me_ to take care of _you_."

...

 _Meredith_  
When Amelia and Arizona arrive back at my house to pick up Sofia, they look exhausted. They must have been working hard lugging around Amelia's stuff all day. Despite this, they're still full of smiles and laughter.

"Mommy!" Sofia runs to Arizona and jumps into her arms, excitedly. How Arizona manages to perfectly catch her without losing balance is a mystery to me.

"Hi honey," she replies, beaming at her daughter. "Did you have a nice time?"

"Me and Zola made slime! Look!" She says, holding up the pinky-yellow goop I'd helped her make earlier. I mouth a 'Sorry' over Sofia's shoulder, knowing that Arizona's house is probably going to be covered in the stuff within five minutes. The blonde jokingly rolls her eyes at me with a smile. "Amelia, do you live at my house now?" Sofia asks, reaching out to be held by my sister-in-law.

"I certainly do, Little Miss," she says, snuggling into the child. "Actually, I need you to do a big job for me when we get back and help me unpack some boxes."

"You haven't unpacked yet?" I ask, surprised. "What have you two been doing all day?" Immediately, I regret my question when I see the look they exchange. Amelia shoots her a crooked smirk and Arizona tries to suppress her own by biting her bottom lip as her cheeks turn pink. "Oh, God! Forget I asked!" I say with a face of disgust.

"Where's Maggie?" Amelia asks, changing the subject.

"Here," she says, appearing with a tray full of glasses containing something fizzy. "Congratulations," she says, handing a glass each to Arizona, Amelia and I before taking one for herself. Amelia's glass has an elastic band wrapped around the handle, probably so she can remember which one has no alcohol in it. We clink our glasses together and take the first sip. "So, I guess the next time we do this it'll be for the proposal..." she jokes, causing Arizona to choke on her prosecco.

"Okay... One step at a time, Maggie," Amelia says with a laugh.

"Urgh, hurry up! I want to buy a hat!" Maggie complains. "And, now I actually have a date to bring."

"You do?" I ask. All three of us turn our heads in curiosity.

"Yeah!" She replies, excitedly. "Jackson," she explains.

"Jackson Avery?!" Arizona asks, eyes wide and mouth slung open.

Oh, God. This is going to get messy.


	28. It's Alright

...

 **It's Alright**

 _Don't get dragged through. Don't be consumed._  
...

 _April_  
Thirty two weeks. Thirty two weeks ago Jackson and I were together. Thirty two weeks ago we were a married couple who were trying to work things out. Thirty two weeks ago we had sex and I fell pregnant. How can so much change in thirty two weeks?

We live together but are officially divorced. And, last night, he brought a woman home. Not just any woman... A woman I have to see at the hospital every day... the stunning and brilliant Maggie Pierce.

He didn't flaunt it, but he made no effort to hide it either. I guess I'm not really allowed to be mad or jealous, and I knew they'd been dating, but you'd think he'd have a little more tact considering he's living with his pregnant ex-wife.

It was the middle of the night when I bumped into Maggie in the hallway, both of us on our way to the bathroom. She could barely look me in the eye. I knew she felt bad just by the expression she wore as we made awkward conversation.

"Hey!" My best friend's voice brings me out of my thoughts. I'm desperate to talk to Arizona about it, but I don't want to put her in the middle. Things are going great for her and Amelia, and I don't want to cause arguments between them over Pierce. She sits opposite me on the table in the attendings' lounge with a strong-smelling coffee in her hand.

"Hey," I reply, plastering a smile on my face. She narrows her eyes at me, and her eyes dart around my face as though she's reading me.

"What's wrong?" She asks, immediately.

"What? Nothing!" I say, quickly. She raises an eyebrow at me.

"April..." Her tone tells me we're not leaving until she gets the facts. I sigh out, dejectedly.

"Jackson brought Maggie home last night," I tell her.

"He did?" She frowns. "To your house? Where you're going to be welcoming your child?"

"I know, it's weird, right?" I start. Maybe I can talk to Arizona about this... But I don't want to push it. "Look, I don't want this to become awkward, or for you to get caught in the middle. I know Maggie and Amelia are close."

"Hey, it's not going to be an issue," she reassures me. "Vent away!"

...

 _Arizona_  
"Jackson took Maggie back to his last night," are the first words I say when I find Amelia in the CT room.

"Well, they are dating..." she replies, not taking her eyes away from the scans on the screen.

"He lives with his pregnant ex-wife," I say, urgently. "They could have at least gone to Maggie's."

"Yeah, when you put it that way, it's pretty fucked up," she says, nonchalantly, eyes still fixed to the monitor.

"Amelia," I say, sharply. "Can you take a minute to feel as scandalised as me, please?"

"Honey, they'll figure it out," she says, gently. "It's not our place to force some kind of resolution."

"I guess not," I sigh out, remembering what happened the last time I interfered. "Whatcha lookin' at?" I ask, leaning over her.

 _Amelia_  
"Slow day for fetal medicine?" I ask, smirking at my clearly bored girlfriend.

"Well, actually... I just had a pretty awesome sex flashback," she says, gravelly. "And, I was just wondering how busy you were..." She says, kissing my neck as I continue to study the scans.

"Mmm," I nearly lose myself in her, but then remember how much I have to do today. "Really busy!" I manage to get out. She stops the kisses and looks at me with a pout that I can't resist. "Tonight... I'll make it up to you tonight," I say, quickly.

"I can't wait, Dr Shepherd," she says, huskily. She leans in so close I think she's about to kiss me. At the last possible moment, she smirks and pulls away. Why does everything this woman does turn me on? As she exits the room I can't tear my eyes away from her.

...

 **Two Months Later...**

 _Arizona_  
Today has completely kicked my ass. I lost my first mom since my venture into fetal surgery, and the outlook for her baby doesn't look good. She's tiny and weak and can't breathe independently. I'm desperate to stay and watch over the little miracle, but I can't. I've been in this hospital for 48 hours straight, grabbing minimal sleep in the on-call rooms. I need to go home, shower and sleep, so I can do my other patients justice. I've left the tiny girl with the only other person in the world I trust to monitor her in the way I would; Alex Karev.

"Robbins," I feel a hand on my arm and spin round to face Bailey. "We need you."

"Bailey... I really need to get home..." I say through half-closed eyes.

"Robbins, you are not going anywhere in this weather," she says, gesturing to the wild winds and hail behind the glass doors. "You definitely can't drive. Even our ambulances are down. Now, listen to me!" She demands. "April Kepner is in labour!"

"Oh, finally! I thought that little cherub was never going to arrive! What room is she in?" I ask with my widest smile. This day isn't completely full of horror after all. But, Bailey doesn't answer me, she just looks worried. "What's wrong?" Silence still. My face drops. "Bailey, tell me nothing is wrong with that baby!"

"April's not in the hospital, she's at home," she explains, panic stamped across her face. "Ben was able to get to her house, but there's no way they can drive all the way to the hospital in this," she explains, carefully. "I told him to give her an examination..." There's a pause, and she sighs out before telling me: "The baby is breach... and he can feel the cord. She needs a C-Section. As soon as possible."

Oh, fuck.

...

I instruct Warren on what needs to happen before he performs the DIY C-section. The nausea in my stomach is unbearable.

"You rotate the baby in utero, face down," I say as clearly as I can. Jackson appears at my side and I comfortingly grab his arm as I continue explaining what has to be done. "I know the position will look different than you've seen-"

"Is she okay?" Jackson cuts me off and I put the phone on loudspeaker. "April, April...Hey, April, can you hear me?" He asks, desperately.

"Jackson! Jackson, I'm here," she says, terror clear in her voice.

"I'm right here, okay? I'm right here!" He reassures her.

"Okay, okay..." she says, anxiously.

"Hey, Warren, what do you have to pack her with?" I ask, staying focussed on what needs to happen next.

"Uh..." We hear shuffling at the other end of the phone. "Dish towels," he say, dejectedly. Bailey, Jackson and I look at each other in disbelief. It's going to be a miracle if Warren manages to keep April and the baby alive and infection-free. It's silent for a while, then we hear April's voice as she talks to him.

"Ben, I need you to promise me something, okay?" She says, quickly. "If you feel like you're going to lose me, if I'm bleeding out, you make sure that this baby is okay!"

"Woah! No, no, no! April!" Jackson shouts down the phone. "Ben, don't listen to her, okay? You save her! You save both of them!"

"Promise me that you will save this baby no matter what!" April demands.

Jackson argues back. It becomes a mixture of shouts. I can't make out what's being said by either of them until we hear Ben yell from the other end.

"Just quiet! Please!" A few more moments of silence pass. "Miranda?" Bailey grabs the phone from Jackson's hand.

"Ben," she sighs out. "I trust you," she says as clearly as she can.

The next thing we hear is April screaming in immense pain. A C-section without hardcore pain relief doesn't bare thinking about. The sounds coming from her mouth are similar to what you'd expect to hear at an exorcism. All three of us stare at the phone, unable to move, unable to breathe.

"What's happening?" Jackson breaks the silence hoping for a reply from Ben. When he gets no response, he looks at me with tears in his eyes. I open my mouth in hope that some reassuring words of wisdom will come out, but to no avail.

Come on, Warren. Please save them.

...

Finally, an ambulance arrives, carrying April and her daughter. Bailey and Jackson rush to each take a side of her gurney and rush her into the hospital.

Ben has the new baby girl wrapped up in his arms. The foil blanket around them both looks as though it's keeping them both warm and snug.

"Hey, we're gonna get this little one checked out, okay?" He nods, with his eyes as wide as saucers, clutching the baby close to him. He's still completely shell-shocked. "Warren," I place a gentle hand on his shoulder as we walk into the hospital. "You did great," I say, honestly.

...

About an hour later, I stand outside April's room, keeping a close eye over the new mommy and daddy, who are cooing over their beautiful baby girl. It transports me back to the day Sofia was born. I watch April like a hawk. She's made an incredibly recovery, but I feel like she could start to bleed out at any second. I know it's paranoia, I know she's been seen to properly by the OB and Hunt... but I'm terrified something could go wrong. Especially considering the circumstances.

"You okay?" My girlfriend asks as she suddenly appears next to me, looking at me with concern. Emotional and exhausted, I allow myself to collapse into her arms and tiredly nuzzle into her shoulder. She holds me close, squashing a lot of the fear out of me.

"I am now," I whisper back.


	29. Little Lion Man

...

 **Little Lion Man**  
 _I really fucked it up this time, didn't I, my dear?_  
...

 _Arizona_  
"Who's that?" I ask Meredith as Amelia and I stand next to her, alongside Kepner and Webber. We're looking in through the window of one of the meeting rooms. It's full of interns and a woman I don't recognise in a smart pants suit.

"Eliza Minnick," Meredith says, scrunching her nose up as though the name has produced an odour. "She's here to train attendings on how to train interns."

"We _know_ how to train interns!" I protest, before noticing that she's fiddling with a crumpled up piece of paper. "What's that?"

"It's a list of our names..." She says, trailing off. "I grabbed it from a room she was doing her last talk in," she explains.

"Let me see that!" My girlfriend says, snatching the paper from Meredith's hand and scanning the list. "Who the hell is 'Emilio Shepherd'?!" I smirk at how cute she is in her outrage, before taking a look at the list myself. My face soon drops.

"My name's not even on here!" I say, peering over Amelia's shoulder. "So, what? I'm not good enough to train interns anymore! I'm the only fetal surgeon in this damn hospital! Who the hell does she think she is?"

"God dammit, you're sexy when you're mad," Amelia says, momentarily distracted. She shakes her head quickly, waving the piece of paper in front of us. "What are we going to do about this?"

...

"Someone page Alex Karev, right now!" I shout, wheeling an expected mother towards the OR. We have to stop this labour and we have to stop it now.

"Dr Robbins, what do you need?" A nervous intern, one that's been nicknamed 'Glasses' hurries alongside me. He takes the other side of the bed.

"I need Alex, where the hell is Alex?" I say, trying to squash the panic out of my voice for the benefit of the expectant mother in the bed I'm moving.

"You haven't heard?" He asks, vaguely.

"Heard what?" I snap, making it apparent I don't have time for guessing games.

"About Dr Karev..." My body continues to move, but my mind stops. What the hell has happened to Alex?

"What about him?" I say, my stomach churning anxiously. We're finally in the OR and two scrub nurses begin to make my patient comfortable.

"He's in prison."

...

Labour has finally been successfully stalled and the mom is resting, being monitored by an OB and Glasses. The whole process would have been a lot less taxing if Alex was here to assist me with it. I'm missing him, already. I rush towards Bailey's office, throwing my surgical gown into the nearest medical bin and barging in.

"Why the hell has no one told me about Alex?" I ask, angrily.

"Dr Robbins," she starts, sternly. "I am _very_ busy. If you'd like to turn around, and bring yourself back in this office like a grown ass woman, we can sit down like reasonable human beings and discuss what we're going to do in his absence." Feeling like a scolded four-year-old, I turn around and close the door behind me before taking the seat opposite her.

"What happened?" I ask, softer.

"I tell you this and it doesn't leave these walls, right? You don't even tell Shepherd. This is entirely confidential, understand?" I nod my head, desperately. She sits back in her chair and eyes me, carefully. "He beat the crap out of Andrew DeLuca."

"He _did_?" I ask in disbelief. "That's so unlike him..."

"He thought he was trying to take advantage of Jo... As it turns out, he was just trying to help her..." She elaborates, but the words don't really stay with me.

"When he's out... Is he going to be suspended?" I ask, quickly. "Bailey, is he going to be suspended?" I ask, more firmly.

"Robbins..." She starts with a hardness in her voice, but soon changes when she sees the look on my face. It's a look that says 'don't give me any of that confidentiality bullshit'. So, she sighs out, and says: "Probably." When she sees my devastation, she explains further. "He assaulted an intern. An intern who is threatening to press charges against him. I can not let him back into this hospital amongst this mess." I sigh out in total disappointment. Not in Bailey's decision; I know she's right. She's just doing what she has to do. I'm disappointed in Alex.

"He's come so far," I say, quietly.

"I know," Bailey replies, sharing a look with me. The severity of the situation hits me for the first time.

...

At the end of this long and awful day, I am more than ready to be cuddled up in bed with Amelia. As I make my way down to the lockers to get changed, I notice Minnick looking confused in the elevator.

"Hey. You lost?" I ask, stopping briefly.

"I forgot... Chief Bailey's office... Fourth floor?" She asks.

"Yeah, right up the catwalk," I state, plainly.

"Great, thanks," she smiles back.

Okay, and leave the conversation there Arizona. Let it go. Don't say it, don't say it, don't say it... I force myself to walk away. But, suddenly, and seemingly beyond my control, my hand stops the elevator doors and I get ready to tell her off.

"You made a mistake," I tell her, bluntly.

"I'm sorry?" She asks, confused.

"I... am _great_ ," I say, not as confidently as I would like it to sound. "And your little list, or whatever the hell that was... That should have my name on it because I raise great surgeons and I _will_ raise more." This part I know is true. I have raised some kick ass surgeons. Alex Karev being one of them. I can feel the fire building in my gut... I'm about to rant. "Fetal surgery is a very exclusive practice and there are hardly any of us. I am like a rare, exotic bird! And, if you stop me from teaching... I may be the last of my kind."

"What list?" She asks, furrowing her brow.

"From the room... residents... you left it there,"

"Oh," she says with a short laugh. "I was just trying to remember everyone's name. Writing it down helps me remember."

"Oh, great! So you don't need to remember my name?" I say, sarcastically, dropping my hand from the doors so they can close.

"Arizona Robbins? That name attached to that face? No... that's not one you forget." Uh... what? "Goodnight," she smiles at me as the elevator closes.

 _Amelia_  
"What did _she_ want?" I ask my girlfriend, catching up to her as she walks down the corridor. That Minnick chick has already got a bad reputation around here.

"She needed to find Bailey's office," she says with a confused look on her face. She goes to tell me something but nothing comes out of her mouth. Her mouth opens and closes a couple of times and I look at her, amused.

"You okay?" I ask with a smirk.

"I think she tried to flirt with me..." She manages to get out, her tone completely baffled.

"She _what_?" I can't stop the outrage that leaves my voice.

"That list... it was to remember everyone's name. She said she couldn't forget mine... Or the face that it's attached to." Okay, this Minnick bitch is going down!

"Does she know you have a girlfriend?" I ask, outrage still present.

"I mean, it didn't come up in our three minute conversation..." She says, nonchalantly.

"But, your beautiful face did!" I protest.

"Amelia Frances Shepherd, are you jealous?" She smirks at me.

"No," I say with a pout. Upon seeing my expression she stops us and rests her hands on my shoulders. My hands automatically move to her waist and I hold her close.

"Trust me, you have nothing to worry about," she tells me with honest eyes.

"I know that," I confirm. "I just don't like her thinking about you like that."

"Let her _think_ ," she replies, leaning in to whisper to me. "You get to _do_."

With her final comment, a shiver runs down my spine and down to my core. I'm frozen to the spot. As she heads towards her locker, she looks back at me over her shoulder with a sexy little smirk. She is unbelievable.


	30. Lost Without You

...

 **Lost Without You**  
 _It's like no other pain I've ever known... To love someone so much... To have no control._

...

 _Arizona_  
Karev is standing next to one of the NICU incubators, scrubs and pink gown on, checking over a tiny baby. It's been a month since I've seen him in the hospital. It's been a month since I've seen him at all! I stand next to him, unsure of what I'm about to say or do.

"You're back," I state, a neutral expression on my face.

"I am," he replies, plainly, turning away from the tiny human to focus on me.

"I'm mad at you," I tell him, just as emotionless as before.

"I know," he sighs. "I'm mad at me, too."

My expression remains passionless, until I launch myself into my friend's arms, hugging him tightly around the middle. Hesitantly, he wraps his arms around my shoulders.

"Don't do anything that stupid ever again. Do you hear me?" I mutter into his chest.

"Loud and clear," he replies, before clearing his throat, breaking the embrace and continuing his morning checks.

...

It's been such a relief to have Alex back in Peds. It's like my workload has halved. I will never take that man for granted ever again. I've just managed to take a bath without worrying about all the work I'd have had to catch up with on Monday. It's all done.

When Amelia walks through the door, I feel like my day is complete. We quickly retreat to the couch and settle in for a night of junk food and crappy TV. The weekend begins here.

"Did Minnick give you any shit today?" Amelia asks as we catch up on each other's day. Eliza Minnick is disliked by most attendings at the hospital, but particularly my girlfriend.

"No..." I trail off as I remember something. "I... I found her crying in her car after work," I inform my girlfriend. "After she'd lost the kid... It was the first child she'd ever lost," I explain. "I felt kind of sorry for her... Her horn broke and I helped her fix it. I told her she didn't have to go through this kind of thing alone... That she could have friends here."

"Did she try it on?" She asks, narrowing her eyes at me. I laugh at her mock-anger and shake my head.

"No. Maybe she's heard about Hurricane Amelia..." I say with a smirk and a wink.

"I'm not sure how I feel about that identity..." she jokes.

"Well, it'll certainly be useful when our kids start to play up," I say, thoughtfully. "You know... when they go through their rebellious phases."

I feel the woman who's holding me physically tense. She says nothing, but begins to tremble slightly.

"Um, Arizona..." Her voice is shaky. I hold her hand and look at her with concern. "I... Wow, I can't believe we haven't talked about this before..." She shifts herself to look at me, seriously. "I don't want children."

"Oh, I don't mean right now!" I explain. "But, you know... when we eventually have them and they turn into horrible teenagers, I feel like Hurricane Amelia will really come in handy!"

"No, I mean..." There's a pause as she looks at me with fear in her eyes. "I don't ever want children. Like... ever."

"You... you don't want kids?" I ask, heart sinking. I can feel the colour drain from my face already. Tears spike my eyes as I try to continue. "I, um... I just assumed that..."

"I _had_ a kid," she begins, her own eyes beginning to shimmer. "The most beautiful kid... and I lost him," she whispers. "I'm not putting myself through that again."

"Maybe next time could be different..." I say, optimistically.

"I'm not willing to risk it," she states with a shake of the head.

"Amelia..." Her name falls from my lips, quietly. "I... I want Sofia to have a little brother or sister," I say, the sentence coming out as a whisper.

"You do?" She says, a look of devastation settling on her face.

"Yeah," I say in one short breath. The quietness that follows is deafening. I don't want to ask the next question. I'm terrified of the answer. "So... so, what happens now?"

"We... we could keep going," she says, quietly. "See if one of us changes our mind..."

"Do you honestly think it's possible? Are you going to change your mind?" I ask, tears so thick Amelia has become a blurry outline. Her mouth opens and closes a couple of times before she shakes her head.

"I don't think so," she whispers.

"Neither will I," I choke out, sadly.

There's a long silence. Both of us try to process what this means. One of us wants children, the other doesn't. I've been here before... only in reverse. Unless one of us changes our mind, this won't work. There's no compromise on a child. You either have one or you don't. And, when two views are so conflicting, there's never going to be a right answer.

"I can't... I... I can't do it," Amelia says, breaking the silence with sobs. Her arms wrap tightly around me. I allow myself to rest in her embrace, but I feel completely numb. What is happening? "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry," she apologises, frantically.

"Hey, stop," I whisper, managing to control my voice. "Don't apologise, I get it. Believe me, I get it..." I say, referring to the time when I didn't want any children myself.

"I love you so much," she cries.

And, that's when it hits me. The gravity of the situation has finally caught up to me. This is really happening. We're breaking up. Finally, I allow my unshed tears to stream down my cheeks.

"I love you, too," I sob, unable to hold it back any longer. I cling to Amelia's shirt and her grip on me tightens as though she never wants to let go.

We stay this way for a while, I'm not sure exactly how long. My tears stop and start and stop and start again. Amelia's expression has hardened, but she keeps me close. We stare into space. I don't want to move, but I know the longer we stay like this, the harder it's going to be to separate. I force myself out of her arms and look at her, woefully.

"I should get my stuff together..." she says, heartbreak evident on her face. The thought of her leaving tonight breaks my heart all over again.

"Stay..." I plead, grabbing both hands. "Stay tonight... Please."

 _..._

 _Amelia_  
Our clothes go quickly, but then we slow it right down. I'm trying to savour every moment with her... Take in every part of this perfect woman before I have to let her go.

Mixed with tears, our salty kisses are slow and desperate. As we move towards our bed, I carefully glide my fingertips up and down the smooth skin of her bare back. Her hands, warm and gentle, rest upon my cheeks as her body moulds into mine. She pulls out of the kiss and briefly leans her forehead against mine, catching her breath and trying to stop her tears. When she realises it's redundant, she presses her wonderful lips back into mine.

I lower her onto the bed and hover over her for a moment. I want to remember every detail of her beautiful face. We stare at each other as my hand wonders down her side and to her thigh. Without losing eye contact, I remove the prosthetic leg and put it to the side. I allow myself to sink into her, revelling in the feeling of her skin against mine. Despite being in this exact position hundreds of times before, it makes me gasp. I tilt my head to the side and leave a tender trail of kisses down her neck. She arches into me and moans, as her hands tangle into my hair.

I move to kiss her again, ensuring every movement I make is passionate and meaningful. We take our time with one another, hands gently caressing every sensitive area, lips touching every favourite spot, knowing it's our last chance to do so.

I kiss my way down her tight stomach and arrive at her clit. I know how to manipulate this little bundle of nerves in a way that drives her crazy. I start with one long, slow lick, and I'm met with the familiar incredible taste. Her nails dig into my scalp and spur me on. With each long-drawn-out lick, her vulva becomes wetter and wetter.

"Amelia..."

Her voice is demanding, but not harsh. I look at up to meet her eyes. They're begging me to come back up. They're begging me to kiss her, and touch her, and make love to her.

I make my way back up her body and our lips crash together. As I slide two fingers into her soaked core, we give each other this intense look. I start to slowly pump my arm, hitting her G-Spot with each thrust. Arizona's incredible blue orbs roll to the back of her head and soft moans begin to fall from her mouth. Her eyelids flutter and my eyes move to her magnificent heaving breasts. They are perfect. _Everything_ about her is perfect.

A light sheen covers her body as she works up a sweat. Even in the dark, I can see she's glowing. It's incredibly sexy.

My lips move to the neglected side of her neck, and her breathtaking body responds just in the way I wanted it to. As she gets closer to release, her moans become louder and louder. My motions stay the same; slow, deliberate. I want this night to carry meaning and significance... Like that first time, just over two years ago. It's funny how things have come full circle.

When I know she's close, I lean up to watch the orgasm wash over her. From this angle, I can truly appreciate her awe-inspiring beauty. The beauty of her face when she finally gets her release. The beauty of the sounds escaping from her lips. The beauty of her body as it trembles with passion underneath me.

Though I've seen it so often, it still surprises me how beautiful she truly is in these moments. And, as I realise once again that our time is limited, my heart begins to ache. It's a pain like I've never felt before.

When her eyes re-open, she gazes at me like I'm the only person in the world. One of her hand reaches up to cup my cheek. She wipes away some tears that I didn't realise had even formed in my eyes. She leans up to kiss me, quickly switching our positions.

And, I prepare to lose myself to her one last time.


	31. Set the Fire to the Third Bar

**Set the Fire to the Third Bar**  
 _And, miles from where you are, I lay down on the cold ground. I pray that something picks me up and sets me down in your warm arms._  
...

 _Amelia_  
One week. It's been one week since we called it off. And, I can't help but feel like it's the biggest mistake I've ever made.

There's been a heavy weight around my chest since I last spoke to her and I can't seem to shift it. I can't sleep, I can't eat... I feel as though I could burst into tears over the most minor of incidents. I miss her terribly, and it's wreaking havoc on my mental state.

I've contemplated drinking and drugs more times than I care to count. It's worse when I see her trying to fight off Minnick's advances. It's a reminder that she will eventually move on. And, that gets to me. The thought of someone else being with her... it's enough to drive anyone to drugs. But, I won't ever act upon my urges. She still wants me to be a part of Sofia's life, and I wouldn't ever do anything to put that at risk.

I'm back at Meredith's, temporarily. Most of my stuff is still at Arizona's. It's like I haven't really left... I don't think Sofia's noticed that I've actually moved out yet. But, I'm feeling the strain already. Waking up without Arizona tucked safely into my side puts me in a terrible mood from the offset. And, it looks like my week isn't about to get any better. As I walk to the hospital entrance to start my shift, I'm stopped by an on-duty police officer.

"Sorry, ma'am, we can't let you in right now," he says, his expression neutral.

"What's going on?" I ask in a mixture of concern and irritation.

"The hospital's on lockdown," he explains, vaguely.

"Lockdown? Why?" I can feel myself becoming impatient.

"That's not information we can relay, I'm afraid," he replies, unhelpfully.

"I work here," I respond, eager to get inside the building.

"Then I suggest you contact your superior," he says, firmly. "Step away from the entrance, please, ma'am."

Reluctantly, I walk away from the hospital and search my phone for Bailey's number. It rings out. What the hell am I supposed to do in these circumstances? I'm searching my brain thinking of what to try next, when I feel someone grab my arm. Maggie stands beside me.

"You're locked out, too, huh?"

"Maggie, what the hell is going on?" I ask, urgently.

"All I know is there's a dangerous patient loose in the hospital," she says through a shrug.

"What kind of 'dangerous'?" This makes alarm bells ring. Are the patients inside safe? The staff members?

"I don't know," she whispers, chillingly.

As familiar faces begin to gather, I start to search for the one I'm desperate to see. Kepner's here... Avery, Hunt, Webber... all present and accounted for. Ugh, there's Minnick. But, where the hell is Arizona?

"Where _is_ she?" I say, more to myself than Maggie.

"Who?" Maggie asks, eyebrows knotted together in confusion. I don't reply. I just dig around in my purse and pull out my cell. I search for Arizona's name and quickly make the call. Her phone rings out, too. I make the decision to leave a quick voicemail.

"Hey. Listen... Something's happened at the hospital and... I just... I don't where you are," I say, trying to keep my voice calm. "I know we're broken up, but... If you're safe... can you just... Can you let someone know? Please."

As I hang up the phone, a loud, heart-stopping bang rings throughout the parking lot. I spin around immediately, facing the huge explosion that's just wiped out a couple of the hospital's floors.

The world stops.

I need someone to tell me she is not inside that building. She has to be safe. She has to be. I scan the area for someone who is likely to know where she is. I spot Karev staring dumbfoundedly at the part of the hospital that's just been completely destroyed.

"Alex!" I run to him, grabbing his arms to try and get his attention. "Do you know where Arizona is?" Nothing. He's completely speechless. "ALEX, WHERE IS ARIZONA?!" I shout, trying to get through to him.

"She... she was on-call tonight," he says, his face pale.

Oh, fuck.

...

I run through the doors, ignoring every person around me. I've bypassed police officers and colleagues without a second glance. My sole focus is on finding Arizona and making sure she is safe and uninjured.

I head to the staircase and run up them as quickly as my legs will take me. Black smoke starts to filter in through the doorways I pass. Fortunately, the entire paediatric floor is still in tact. I burst through the door, and my lungs are immediately hit with the thick fumes that fill the air. I cough a couple of times before using my sleeve to cover my mouth and nose.

I can't see a thing. I squint as I venture further into the ward, searching for the woman I love.

"Arizona?" I shout out. No answer. Where the hell is she?

Suddenly, I spot her at the other end of the hallway. She's in a heap on the floor. The explosion must have thrown her. She's unconscious, her prosthetic leg lying a few feet away from her and a toppled over crash cart pinning her arm to the floor. I get closer to her and realise she's lying in a pool of her own blood - some spilling from her head, some spilling from her stomach. I roll her onto her back the best I can considering her trapped arm and reveal the source of the bleeding; a scalpel buried deep into her abdomen. I empty the cart as quickly as I can, making it light enough to lift up and out of the way. Then, I turn my attention to her wounds. I hastily find some dressing and press it to her head in an attempt to stop the bleeding. My eyes travel to her stomach and I realise that there's no way I'm able to treat this here.

"Arizona?" I try to wake her, but to no avail. I have to wake her up. It's not good for someone to sleep when they have a head injury, it doesn't take a medical degree to know that. I also need to get her downstairs as quickly as possible so someone can get that scalpel out. I shake her by the shoulder and call her name a few more times. This seems to do the trick. She looks at me through half-open eyes, her head swaying to the side. I cup her cheek and graze it with my thumb, as her eyes close once more. "No, Arizona, I need you awake!" I say, urgently. Her eyes snap open as she tries her best to follow what I'm saying. "I'm going to help you stand up, and then we've got to go, okay?" Though not fully aware of what's happening, she nods her head before grimacing. Her hands move to the scalpel at her stomach and a small whimper escapes her throat. "Don't pull that out!" I say, quickly. Removing it would be an impulse, despite all of her medical training.

"Amelia, what's happening?" She croaks out, looking at me with fear in her eyes.

"There was an explosion," I explain, vaguely.

"An explosion?" She repeats, utterly confused.

"You're gonna be okay, I promise," I say, quickly. "But, we have to go... now! Come on," I finish, slinging her left arm around my shoulder. With a leg missing, it doesn't take much strength for me to help her into a standing position. She tries to suppress the whimper that escapes her throat as we begin to move towards the stairwell.

…

 _Meredith_  
I park around the back of the hospital so I'm able to sneak in, get my paperwork and sneak out. However, that may be easier said than done with four little ones in tow. I'm only going to be in there for two minutes tops, but I refuse to leave the kids in the car for any amount of time. The idea alone completely freaks me out.

Sofia and Zola, now five, are pretty good at occupying each other. Hand-in-hand they walk sensibly next to me and the double-buggy. Bailey and Ellis on the other hand are more of a handful, despite being strapped into their chairs.

When we turn the corner, we are all of a sudden faced with absolute chaos. Police cars and fire engines are everywhere. Many of our patients from the trauma and paediatric wards have been wheeled outside, some in beds, some in wheelchairs.

"Mommy?" Sofia's quiet little voice brings me out of my thoughts. I look down at the tiny girl and follow her eyeline. I feel the colour drain from my face as I realise she's staring at her mother's blood-stained body stretched out across one of the hospital beds. She's missing her prosthetic, and it doesn't look as though she's conscious. Hunt, Kepner and Bailey rush around her. April pulls something out of the woman's stomach and blood spurts out of her abdomen like a fountain before it's quickly covered with padding. "MOMMY!" Sofia screams, running towards the scene. Appearing as if from nowhere, my sister-in-law stops her in her tracks, wrapping her arms around her, intercepting her before she reaches the bed.

"Woah... hey, hey, Sof... Look at me!" The little girl clings to Amelia's shirt as tears start to stream down her face. "Mommy's going to be fine, but the doctors need to look after her right now, okay?" Amelia says so calmly that Sofia visibly untenses, but doesn't let go.

"She's hurt," she says, distraughtly.

"She is hurt, honey," Amelia says gently. Tears sting her eyes, but she manages to stay strong. "But, the doctor's are going to make her much better."

"I don't want mommy to hurt," the little girl sobs into Amelia's shoulder.

"I know, sweetie. I know," she coos, soothingly. "Neither do I. But, she's going to be better really soon. I promise." She stares at me, looking for an explanation as to why I've brought four children into this mayhem.

"I've just picked them up from school... I needed to stop by to get some paperwork," I explain, rapidly. "What the hell happened?"


	32. The Power of Love

**The Power of Love**  
 _I'll protect you from the hooded claw, keep the vampires from your door. When the chips are down I'll be around with my undying death-defying love for you._  
...

 _Amelia_  
I'm sitting in the attendings' lounge with Sofia on my knee, her head heavy on my collar bone as she sleeps soundly. She kicked and screamed and refused to go back with Meredith. She wanted to stay until she could see her mommy again. So, here we are. Waiting.

Arizona is in surgery. The CT scan picked up a ruptured spleen, punctured lung and internal chest bleeding. Hunt's got his best team around her. They're also treating that nasty scalpel wound, making sure there's no possibility of infection and keeping a close eye out for any serious head trauma.

I haven't heard anything for about a half hour and my mind is playing out the worst case scenarios on repeat. The little girl in my arms is the only thing that's stopping me from completely freaking out.

I feel Karev take a seat next to me. His mouth twitches to the side as he awkwardly pats me on the shoulder in an attempt to provide me with some sort of comfort.

"Should I take her?" He asks, motioning to the sleeping child.

"Yeah, she needs a proper sleep," I say, quietly. As I shift, Sofia frowns a little and her eyes open narrowly. She glances at me and then at Alex.

"Uncle Alex?" She acknowledges the man, still half-asleep.

"Hey, spud," he says, gently. "We're gonna go have a sleepover with Aunt Jo, okay?"

"I wanna see mommy," she protests, tiredly, tightening her grip on my shirt.

"Mommy's fine, but she's really sleepy," he explains in his softest voice. "So, you're going to come with me while she gets some rest and then Amelia will bring her home when she's ready, okay?"

The little girl turns her head back to me, studying my face in an attempt to detect how true that is. She's too smart for her own good. I give her an encouraging smile and nod my head. Feeling satisfied with my convincing expression, she reaches up to Karev and he carries the sleepy child over his shoulder. She'll be out like a light in no time.

"Don't worry about this one. We'll look after her," he reassures me.

"Thank you," I say, genuinely. Knowing that Sofia's going to be well looked after during this time is the biggest relief. He nods his head and carries the little girl out of the room.

I'm alone. With no one else to worry about, I have to focus on my own feelings... I flop back down onto the couch and throw my head back, eyes shut tight. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I try to focus on my breathing; inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. Don't panic. She's going to be okay. She's going to be okay...

What if she's not okay?

"Amelia," I hear. I open my eyes to look at Owen. His surgical gown is covered in my ex-girlfriend's blood. I stand quickly but then become frozen. I try to ask how the surgery went. I try to ask how she is. I try to ask _where_ she is. But, no sound leaves my mouth. "She's stable," he tells me, reading my expression.

"Is she awake?" I manage to spit out.

"Yeah... but she's in a lot of pain," he says, solemnly. "The morphine's barely touching her symptoms."

I don't want to hear anything else. I just want to be with her.

"Can I see her?" I ask, tearfully.

...

I stand in the doorway of Arizona's room. My stubborn feet refuse to move. I'm glued to this spot, staring at the love of my life as she lies there in what must be horrendous pain. In fact, she's in so much pain that she hasn't even realised I'm here. I look at her post-surgery; spleen removed, the vicious stab wound in fresh dressing and a badly bruised right arm on display. Stubborn ash marks linger on her cheeks and the gash on her head has been bound with bandages. With each rise and fall of her chest, the punctured lung causes a small wheeze to leave her lips.

I push back the tears in my eyes and swallow the angry lump in my throat. I force myself into the room and take the seat next to her bed. She turns her head so she can see me properly and looks at me with pleading eyes, as though I have the ability to take her pain away.

I can't find any words of comfort, but her expression still begs for some sort of relief. I shimmy closer to her and place my hand gently on her cheek, slowly stroking her face with my thumb. Silent tears stream down her face. She tries to talk but struggles. Only loud, gravelly noises escape her throat.

"Shh, don't talk. It's okay," I whisper. "I know it hurts," I say, sympathetically. "But, you're going to be okay."

Though still in obvious pain, she visibly relaxes, making the tight feeling in my chest dissipate. I give her the best smile I can muster through my tears. She looks at me with grateful eyes before slowly closing them again as she starts to drift back off. I continue to stroke her cheek until her breathing indicates that she's asleep.

...

 _Arizona_  
Pain. That's the only thing I feel when I wake up. My head throbs viciously and I feel as though I could throw up at any second. Angry stabbing pains shoot through my abdomen and my chest feels as though it's about to burst.

I force my eyes open and take in my surroundings. I'm in the same hospital bed, an extra IV stuck into my hand. I don't know what for. The beeping coming from my heart monitor has become fast and aggressive.

There's someone curled up in a chair next to my bed. I blink quickly to help my vision become clearer. It's Amelia. She's asleep but I need her help.

"A-Amelia," I say, through laboured breaths. Her eyes snap open and she's out of the chair in a shot.

"What do you need?" She asks, immediately, standing next to my bed.

"I don't... I don't know," I say, tearfully. I'm already on morphine, there's not much else they can give me for pain relief.

"Okay..." she says, calmly. Her eyes dart around as though she's searching her brain for an answer. "What's hurting the most?"

"My abdomen," I spit out, throwing my head back into the pillow and concentrating on regulating my breathing.

"Okay... I'll be right back," she says, as though she's come up with a plan.

"Please don't go," I beg, grabbing hold of her hand.

"Hey, you're gonna be okay," she says, using her other hand to stroke my cheek. "I'll only be two minutes, I promise!"

She squeezes my hand before darting out of the room. I'm alone and terrified and don't really know what to do with myself. I redirect my focus to my breathing. Before I know it, Amelia's back in the room with me. She puts a lightweight heat pad on my abdomen and I feel instant relief.

"Hold that over the painful part," she instructs, gently. "Do you want me to get Teddy?" She asks, thoughtfully.

"No, I... I want you to stay," I reply, honestly, my bottom lip shaking. "Please."

She takes pity on me and presses a soft kiss to my forehead. When she pulls back, we give each other this intense look. She leans down once more and places the second kiss on my lips. It's gentle and caring and tells me she misses me just as much as I miss her.

She climbs into the hospital bed to lie next to me, and my body automatically melts into hers. A lot of my pain disappears as it's overtaken by the familiar comfort of Amelia Shepherd. I rest my head in the crook of her neck and rest my eyes as she begins to run her fingers through my hair. Her other hand brushes over my bruised arm.

"I love you, Arizona," she whispers so quietly that I almost don't hear her.

"I love you, too," I say, mirroring her volume.

I wish our circumstances were different. I wish we could forget about the things that we want in the future and just be together. We both know that it's not a good idea, not in the long run. But, my heart and mind and body are crying out for her.

 _Amelia_  
I hear the words leave her mouth and silent tears begin to roll down my cheeks. I keep my arms wrapped protectively around her. I can't believe I nearly lost her today. I want to wrap her up in cotton wool and make sure she can never be hurt like this ever again. I want to go home with her and take care of her, now and forever. But, it's not my place anymore. The events of today don't change anything. We still want different things. We still aren't together. And, that destroys me.

In this moment, I'm certain that I'm never going to stop loving her.


	33. Dancing With A Stranger

**Dancing With A Stranger**  
 _It's pretty clear I'm not over you. I'm still thinking 'bout the things you do. So, I don't wanna be alone tonight._  
...

 _Amelia_  
"Welcome back," I say as I spot Arizona on the paediatric ward. It's been three weeks since the explosion and it's her first day back today. She's under strict instruction from myself and Bailey, and just about everyone else in the hospital, not to do anything too strenuous. Monitoring and paperwork and nothing more.

I've been to her house most days to see Sofia. Well... to see Sofia _and_ to check up on her. I've also been filling her in on the hospital gossip. Minnick got fired for being too much of a robot. Her need for strict protocol and rules with no flexibility has no place in our hospital.

"Thanks," she beams back at me, bringing me out of my thoughts. "It's good to be back," she says, before checking the heart rate of the tiny baby in the incubator next to her.

"Any pain today?" It's the question I ask every time I see her. She shakes her head. Of course, her answer every time is 'no', but today I actually believe her. She looks great. Well, she always looks great. But, today, she looks healthy, too. "Take it easy," I say, squeezing her arm as I make my way past her.

"Amelia?" Her voice stops me in my tracks and I spin around to face her. "Thank you... for looking after me and Sofia for the past few weeks."

"You don't have to thank me, you're..." No, don't finish that sentence. She's not your girlfriend any more. "I'm here, Arizona. Any time," I say with pure honesty, before turning on my heels and heading out of the door.

...

 _Arizona_  
Sofia's with Amelia tonight so I find myself alone at Joe's bar. I hate this. I hate not being with Amelia. I hate not waking up in her arms every morning. I hate not being able to kiss her whenever I want. I miss seeing that sparkle in her eyes when we share an inside joke or that smile that lets me know I'm the only person for her.

When I was recovering from surgery, she visited pretty much every day. It felt right having her back in the house. But, every time she left, it felt like she took a piece of me with her.

We could try again... Get back together. It'd be great, I know it would. We've always been very honest with one another and obviously we still love each other very much. But, knowing we want different things in the future means it'll never work in the long run. I need a distraction. I need something to keep me away from her for a little while and hopefully my feelings will start to fade.

"Drinking alone?" A thick European accent asks, suddenly. I look to the side of me to see that a pretty woman with long brunette hair and dark eyes has taken the stool next to me. It's only 9pm, so most of my friends are still at the hospital. I'm fidgeting with a near empty glass of vodka, lime and soda. I give the woman a half-hearted smile.

"My girlfriend and I broke up like a month ago," I explain to the stranger. "And, I'm really sad about it... " I say, honestly.

"Ah, immenso dolore," she says, with a sympathetic smile. Oh... Italian. I don't know what the words mean exactly, but I know they're Italian. "A month is a long time for such a beautiful woman to be so sad," she says, leaning closer to me. She's flirting with me. I don't have the time of day for it. I just want to sit alone and drink. "I'm Carina," she says, when she doesn't get a reply.

"Arizona," I say, sharply, before gesturing to Joe that I'd like another drink.

"Like the state?" She asks.

"No," I reply, shortly. I don't want to explain. I don't want to interact with her at all now I know she wants to seduce me.

"What do you do for work, Arizona?" She asks as I gratefully receive my next drink. "Modelling, surely?" I scoff at the weak pick-up line.

"I'm a doctor," I say, staring into the glass. I'm not trying to be rude. I hate being rude. But, I'm really not in the mood for this.

"Me, too!" She says, quickly. I turn my head to look at her, my eyebrows knotted together. That's a pretty big coincidence. Or maybe she just heard that this is the place where all the doctors come for drinks. "I start my new job tomorrow," she adds.

"Congratulations," I say, plainly. I give her the best smile I can muster before downing the rest of my drink.

"Can I get your next drink?" She asks, sweetly. Now I feel kind of bad. She's just being nice. I should be flattered, if anything... She's very pretty, and she's attracted to me. She's not being pushy or domineering, just friendly and complimentary.

"Look, I'm sorry," I say, quickly. "I'm not usually this much of a bitch," I explain. "I just... I don't want to be flirted with right now. But, I don't mind decent conversation. So, if you wanna stay and talk..."

"No flirting... got it," she says, nodding at me firmly.

...

A couple of hours later, Carina is pushing me into a bathroom stall as our mouths devour one another. She shoves me up against one of the walls and I gasp at the force. She wants me... she really wants me. As her lips move to my neck, her hands start to travel over the material that's covering my tits. She tweaks my hardened nipples through my dress and my clit starts to throb. My hands reach up behind my head and grab the top of the cubicle as my hips buck against hers, begging for some sort of contact. One of her hands stays to fondle my breast, but the other travels south. She drags her fingernails up my bare inner thigh and gets dangerously close to my sex. Then it hits me... These aren't Amelia's fingernails dug into my skin. It's not her lips pressed against my neck. It's not her body grinding into mine.

"No, wait... wait!" I cry out, placing my hands on her chest, trying to create a barrier between us. She removes her hands immediately, and looks at me, confused. I look at her apologetically and exit the stall. I lean against the wash basins and take a few deep breaths.

"What happened?" She asks, gently, following me to the open area of the bathroom.

"I just, um..." I run a hand through my hair as I try to gather my thoughts. "I can't. I'm sorry..." I say, turning to face the woman who was seconds away from fucking me.

"Don't apologise," she says, quietly, placing a hand soft hand on my arm. "Are you alright?"

"I don't think I am," I say, honestly, tears pricking my eyes. There's a long pause as I think about what's actually just happened. "I miss her... A lot." Carina looks at me sympathetically.

"You should talk to her," she advises. "Tell her what you feel... see if you can... um- how do you say... resolve things," she says, her English breaking. "And, if things don't work out... if you need a distraction... make sure to find me," she finishes with a kiss to my cheek. She winks at me before exiting the bathroom.

...

The next morning, my head feels hazy. It's a good job I haven't been cleared for surgery yet. With a hangover like this, I'm not sure I'm even going to make it through today's paperwork. I need to avoid the OB ward at all costs. Carina's likely to be there starting her study today.

"Hey, can we talk?" Amelia asks, suddenly appearing next to me as I rush down the corridor. Oh, God. Has Carina already got to her? Does she know about the kiss? I mean, she hasn't got any right to be mad. We're not together... Maybe she's sad.

"Yeah, I think we need to..." I say with a sigh. We walk towards an attendings' lounge and check that it's empty. When I realise no one else is here, I decide to start my explanation. "I-"

"Listen, before you say anything... I need to tell you something," she says, interrupting me.

"Okay..." I say, a little perplexed.

"Um... well the thing is..." She begins to pace the room a little, as though she's worried about how I'm going to react. "I, uh... I've been offered a new role," she says, stopping to look me in the eye. "A promotion."

"That's great," I say with genuine enthusiasm. "As...?"

"Chief of surgery," she says with a small smile, but her tone is almost one of disappointment.

"Oh, wow!" I say, impressed. Then, my brow furrows as I realise Bailey definitely isn't resigning or stepping down any time soon. "So... not in this hospital?"

"No," she says, quietly.

"Then... where?" I ask, confused. Silence. My ex awkwardly shuffles on her feet and avoids my gaze. I don't understand what's going on, but I can feel a pit building in the bottom of my stomach. "Amelia?"

"The job is in London."


End file.
